Saturday, February 25, 2012

Tear Off Those Ties! There’s No Good Reason To Wear Them…

The word from the WiseFather today:

"The Dilbert"

In today’s edition of Crap You Don’t Need, I bring you the necktie.
For some reason, men (and occasionally some women) are forced to wear a strip of overpriced fabric around their necks.  Before I investigate the true origins of this custom, here is some wild speculation.
Ties demonstrate the wearer’s willingness to submit to asinine traditions.  It sends a good message when you show up to your interview wearing your own leash.  If this guy conforms to this, he’ll have no problem with wage slavery.
Perhaps ties are a phallic symbol.   It could explain why it’s a guy thing.  It could also explain why some people find women wearing neckties kind of creepy.  Either she’s growing one (not that there’s anything wrong with that) or she’s appropriated one in a Lorena Bobbit way and has decided to make it an accessory.   For the younglings out there, go ahead and Google Lorena Bobbit.  You’ll have a good laugh or a nightmare; maybe both.
If the necktie idea is phallic,  I fear the trend setters will one day evolve their custom and force us to wear erect ties.  The style will be called “The Dilbert.”

It will make eating difficult, and we will eventually be banned from wearing ties while driving. However, the engineering involved in creating such a marvel would be interesting to see. I’ve heard they are doing wonderful things with carbon nanotubes.
Now, scanning the interwebs about the true origin of the necktie reveals that the custom has no practical purpose.  That’s right:  you’re not wearing that fancy silk tie to keep food off your less expensive shirt.  It’s all fashion.

Finally, here’s a more sensible reason

for wearing a tie…

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