Saturday, December 24, 2022

Merry Christmas to my Readers

I've been going around wishing a lot of people Merry Christmas because it's traditional for this time of year. Family, friends, and strangers. I also want to add that festive salutation to my readers.

I don't know most of you, yet you keep coming back in greater numbers every year. When I averaged 15,000 readers daily in November it was the pinnacle of As It Stands, my 20-year-old blog.

I'm always quick to point out that I haven't monetized this blog during that time, nor do I intend to in the future. It's always been about a hobby. I love to write. Being retired from the newspaper business, I still need an outlet to express myself.

The opportunity to share my thoughts for free has a certain purity to it.

It allows me to express opinions without upsetting advertisers who play an enormous role in the newspaper industries content.

Next year I'm going to look for a different platform for my blog. This one is a pain-in-the-ass. 

Blogger is old and has numerous problems. I miss the feedback I got for over a decade before something changed on the platform that made subscribing and comments nearly impossible. I wrestled with the Blogger staff for years to no avail.

That's what amazes me. Most of my traffic comes from non-subscribers routinely coming back for more. 

As it stands, I wish all my readers a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Friday, December 23, 2022

Punny Christmas Jokes That You Can Share with Anybody

I thought it would be fun to share some Punny Christmas jokes by Hannah Jeon and Annie O'Sullivan today.

I don't normally run guest contributions, but these two ladies have come up with a gaggle of holiday giggles that would please any audience. With no further ado...

Punny Christmas Jokes

  • What did the wise men say after they offered up their gifts of gold and frankincense? Wait, there's myrrh.
  • What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
  • What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claus-trophobia!
  • What do you call Santa when he stops moving? Santa Pause.
  • What do snowmen eat for dessert? Ice crispies.
  • How do you help someone who has lost their Christmas spirit? Nurse them back to elf.
  • What do you call an elf that runs away from Santa's workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
  • What do you call a reindeer ghost? Cari-boo!
  • What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum? A meltdown.
  • Why are elves such great motivational speakers? They have plenty of elf-confidence.
  • Why do reindeer like BeyoncĂ© so much? She sleighs.
  • What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers? Truth or deer.
  • What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle? It must have reindeer.
  • What does Rudolph want for Christmas? A Pony sleigh station.
  • What is Santa's dog's name? Santa Paws!
  • Where do Santa's reindeer stop for coffee? Star-bucks!
  • What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
  • What’s the absolute best Christmas present? A broken drum — you can’t beat it!
  • What happens if you eat Christmas decorations? You get tinsel-it is.
  • What do Santa's elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
  • What do you call an obnoxious reindeer? Rude-olph.
  • What do grapes sing at Christmas? 'Tis the season to be jelly.
  • What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has Noel.
  • What did the gingerbread man put on his bed? A cookie sheet!
  • What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Ice Crispies.
  • Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
  • As it stands, I hope you enjoyed the jokes as much as I did.
  • Thursday, December 22, 2022

    Right-Wing Conservatives Declare War on "American Girl" Dolls in Time for Christmas

    One of the country's most popular line of dolls - American Girls - is being demonized by right-wing activists and media just in time for Christmas.

    For the record American Girl dolls were first released by the Pleasant Company on May 5, 1986. 

    The dolls portray eight-to fourteen-year-old boys and girls of a variety of ethnicities, faiths, and social classes from different time periods in history.

    So why are the dolls being attacked this Christmas?

    Get your vomit pail ready because the story is enough to make anyone sick with disgust.


    Turns out that a Newsmax anchor (photo above), Rob Finnerty, host of the show "Wake Up America," told his viewers that he took his six-year-old daughter to an American Girl store in Rockefeller Center in New York City in search of a doll that looked like his little daughter.

    Near tears, Finnerty told his audience that he couldn't find a single doll that resembled his "cute little 6-year-old white girl."

    He lied.

    A reporter from MSNBC, Manny Fidel, decided to go to the same store Finnerty took his daughter to.

    His findings have gone viral across TikTok, Twitter and Reddit along with other social media platforms.

    The first thing Fidel noticed was that the store was brimming with white dolls - not only on display but in boxes stacked high on the shelves and in animated videos on the wall.

    Fidel pointed out "The literal first doll that you see when you walk into the store is a smiling white doll with blond pigtails." He videotaped his visit to show the world that Finnerty was a liar and fear-monger.

    Mission accomplished.

    Meanwhile I wonder what Finnerty's audience thinks about his bullshit story.

    Oh! Wait a minute. I forgot that Finnerty's viewers are Newsmax and Fox News zombies that avoid real news and instead nurture the stupidest conspiracies on the planet.

    As it stands, it's really sad that outright liars are given big platforms in the right-wing universe. It's even sadder that adults are being led like sheep by wolves in sheep's clothing.

    Wednesday, December 21, 2022

    Santa's List of Whose Been Naughty or Nice Released Same Day as Trump's Taxes

    People are calling it a holiday miracle.

    Trump's taxes being revealed to the public prior to Christmas Day. What a yuletide gift for the nation.

    Guess what? Santa Claus timed the release of his naughty or nice list to coincide with the release of Trump's long-hidden taxes.

    Whose Been Naughty? 

    Trump tops the list in a landslide. His company has been charged with numerous felonies and convicted in a New York court. And that's just for starters.

    He's being investigated for state and federal charges ranging from trying to steal the 2020 election to conspiracy against the country. Santa plans on filling his Christmas stocking with multiple subpoenas.

    Next

    Marjorie Taylor Greene's racist and antisemite rantings and conspiracy theories have earned her second place on the naughty list. 

    Santa (who by the way has a sense of humor) is going to stuff her stocking with a multi-speed vibrator, butt cream, and scented butt plugs.

    Next

    Political jellyfish Kevin McCarthy has pledged his loyalty to Trump and to polluting The House of Representatives with phony investigations and conspiracy theories.

    Santa is stuffing his stocking with subpoenas, and a magazine subscription to Coward's Digest.

    The Nice List

    Dr. Anthony Fauci's advice during the pandemic saved millions of lives. Santa is putting a lifetime free pass to his North Pole home in his stocking.

    Next

    President Joe Biden has done more to help the American people by passing historic legislations in the last couple of years than any other president prior to him.

    Santa is going to fill his stocking with irrefutable evidence of criminal corruption on all of the members of the GOP's so-called Freedom Caucus.

    Next

    Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has successfully led his nation against Russia's invasion though masterful statesmanship and sheer grit. 

    Santa is stuffing his stocking with pledges of economic and military support from leaders around the world led by the United States of America in the name of freedom and democracy.

    As it stands, as a kid I believed in Santa's List of Good and Bad little boys and girls up until I was about six years old when I discovered it was bullshit.

    Tuesday, December 20, 2022

    Burrowing in for Christmas at Mar a Lardo

    Trump minions have been reporting that The Donald has been storing up supplies for Christmas... and beyond.

    One of the special deliveries (photo left) was a hefty supply of Ketchup for all occasions.

    The main banquet room in Mar a Lardo has been transformed into a dystopian Christmas scene in anticipation of the whole crime family gathering for Christmas Day.

    The decorating theme this season is "Christmas is about Me" (just like every year) with festive napkins of a naked Trump lunging across a city skyline with the caption "I Alone Can Save You." 

    A group of spineless Republicans plan to have a special MAGA Christmas award for His Orangeness.

    The award was named after top brown-noses in the party agreed it was perfect call... 

    The Purple Bone Spur award.



    There are contests and game show simulations planned for the entire crime family and their friends on a very MAGA Christmas Day.

    The host for the yuletide gameshow celebration - Which Crime Is It?  will (of course!) be Don the Con himself.

    Because the whole day was Trump centric it needed a good closing act.

    Wearing nothing but a Mankini Trump will show his bigly pole dancing skills while "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" blares through the room of stunned guests and family members.

    By all accounts Trump plans on barricading in Mar a Lardo while the shitstorm of indictments begins to come in next year. Hence the ketchup stash.

    Christmas Day will be particularly poignant for Trump and his Capo kids because next Christmas they may be celebrating behind bars!

    As it stands, rumors are that special counsel Jack Smith has a New Year surprise for Trump. I wonder what it could possibly be?

    Monday, December 19, 2022

    Grinch/Trump Plan to Steal Xmas Explodes After Congress Sends 4 Criminal Referrals to the DOJ Over Trump's Coup Attempts

    It's been a holiday tradition since 2017 when Trump and the Grinch got together in the Oval Office and plotted to steal Christmas.

    The Grinch needed motivation for his mission after failing to steal Christmas for years. White House staffers still talk about how festive the two looked in orange and green while chomping down on McDonald Quarter-Pounders and plotting to deprive children of Christmas gifts.

    It was the first time the Grinch had ever met someone meaner than him and he was impressed. But after a few years and no success he was becoming disillusioned and wondered if he had hooked up with a loser.  

    Their partnership lasted until December 19 just before Christmas this year when Trump's coup attempts were referred by Congress to the Department of Justice for criminal prosecution.

    Sensing the referral was going to bring immediate unwanted heat on any attempt to steal Christmas this season the Grinch decided his green hide needed to distance itself from the former twice impeached president.

    The one thing the Grinch didn't want to happen was to be associated with a world class loser who got caught. He may have failed in numerous attempts, but he was never charged with crimes. 

    So, a disappointed Grinch went back to his mountaintop cave and began planning next year's attempt to steal Christmas. 

    Meanwhile Trump holed up at his Mar-a-Lago retreat in Florida and continued trying to overthrow the 2020 election.

    His response to the referral, according to inside sources, was uglier than anything they'd seen him do yet!

    His diaper got so full it exploded and sent feces all around his fake Presidential Office! Combined with two years of ketchup stains on the walls the room looked like the entrance to hell. 

    His minions had to wear ear plugs to protect them from Trump's frenzied shrieks and conspiratorial rants when he was given the news.

    Authorities alerted Santa Claus to be diligent for any signs of the Grinch despite rumors he fled to his mountaintop cave after splitting with Trump.

    As it stands, I hope you find things to laugh about during this holiday season, no matter how silly they are.

    Sunday, December 18, 2022

    Here's a Last-Minute Christmas Gift Guide for the Republicans in Your Life

    So, you waited until days before Christmas to get that Republican in your life a gift ... and you still don't have any idea what to get them.

    Don't panic.

    First off you need to identify which wing of the Republican party your family member, friend, and people you work with belong too. 

    There's the wacko wing featuring twice impeached former president Trump and minions, and there's the traditional conservative's wing.

    Easy ways to spot which wing they belong too:

    -- Trump wingers wear red caps with MAGA on them, and love to cosplay and dress up in red-white-and blue foolery emblazoned with Trump's mug.

    -- The conservative wing dresses normally and avoids looking like clowns.

    Listen carefully to their words

    -- When every other word is a lie, and they seek to warp reality with conspiracies you know they are in the Trump Wing.

    --The Conservative Wing has their share of liars, but they can tell fact from fiction... even though they may do it reluctantly. 

    Gift Guide ideas for the Trump Wing

    --A month's supply of COVID-19 busters hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin.

    --Trump's Coffee Table book that features lots of bigly photos and very little words.

    --A booklet of Grift Tickets giving the bearer an inside track on Trump's next grift.

    --Stocking stuffers like miniature Trump Golden Idol earrings and cans of orange face makeup.

    Gift Guide for the Conservative Wing

    --Gift certificates for a free spinal implant.

    --Plaques with inspirational messages by Newt Gingrich, Richard Nixon, and Joseph McCarthy.

    --A subscription to The Good Old Days monthly magazine featuring stories about how Asians, Blacks and Hispanics knew their place in life.

    --A copy of Adam Kinzinger's biography. 

    I know it's a short list but it's the best I could do in a limited time. 

    As it stands, peace on earth and may the Republican party go back to the days before Trump when they were just idiots and not seditionists.

    On Naps and Blog Breaks

    I've always thought taking a nap during the day was the way to go even though Americans are not known for the habit. Taking daytime nap...