The New Year is lurking around the corner like an eager toddler.
The following is a list of nine things I'd like to see happen in 2016.
1) Donald Trump drops out of the presidential race when his wife Melanie runs off with Jeb Bush to Mexico.
(2) Warning devices on cell phones that alert users they are about to walk off a cliff, step in front of a car, or walk into an electric fence! Enough said!
(3) So-called "Affluence Teen" gets 10 years in Texas prison cell with Bubba (who really likes blond bad boys) when his case moves to adult court and he violates probation set down there. You know he will.
(4) Steven Colbert is appointed Special Ambassador to Russia. Putin laughs so hard at one of his KGB jokes that he has a stroke and Russia gets a new president.
(5) A complete overhaul of Congress in November, starting with a traditional tar-and-feathering ceremony for the outgoing clowns.
(6) Phone booths (sorta) make a comeback. They are re-named "Personal Spaces" and rent out for $5 an hour. You provide your own phone.
7) Headline: Trophy-collecting Gorilla (Bongo) bags two human hunters packing AR-15s in the Congo!
(8) Experts agree there is no curing stupidity and offer "safe houses" for Donald Trump's disenfranchised followers.
(9) Bill Cosby does his famous Spanish Fly routine to a packed Pennsylvania court during his indecent assault trial.
Time for me to walk on down the road...