Thursday, December 31, 2015

9 Things I'd Like to See in 2016 - I Bet You Would Too!

Good Day World!

The New Year is lurking around the corner like an eager toddler. 

The following is a list of nine things I'd like to see happen in 2016. 

1) Donald Trump drops out of the presidential race when his wife Melanie runs off with Jeb Bush to Mexico.

(2) Warning devices on cell phones that alert users they are about to walk off a cliff, step in front of a car, or walk into an electric fence! Enough said!

(3) So-called "Affluence Teen" gets 10 years in Texas prison cell with Bubba (who really likes blond bad boys) when his case moves to adult court and he violates probation set down there. You know he will.

(4) Steven Colbert is appointed Special Ambassador to Russia. Putin laughs so hard at one of his KGB jokes that he has a stroke and Russia gets a new president.

(5) A complete overhaul of Congress in November, starting with a traditional tar-and-feathering ceremony for the outgoing clowns.

(6) Phone booths (sorta) make a comeback. They are re-named "Personal Spaces" and rent out for $5 an hour. You provide your own phone.

7) Headline: Trophy-collecting Gorilla (Bongo) bags two human hunters packing AR-15s in the Congo!

(8) Experts agree there is no curing stupidity and offer "safe houses" for Donald Trump's disenfranchised followers.  

(9) Bill Cosby does his famous Spanish Fly routine to a packed Pennsylvania court during his indecent assault trial.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

What if the so-called 'affluenza' teen was an African-American?

There's no doubt about it.
The American justice system treats rich whites differently than poor blacks.
(Ethan Couch photo taken after his capture. He dyed his hair black to avoid detection.)
The case of Ethan Couch, who was sentenced to parole after a drunk driving incident that killed four people, symbolizes the extent to which class and race play a role in our justice system.

During Couch's trial, a psychologist dubbed his condition “affluenza” – a term he later regretted using – suggesting that the teen’s wealthy parents were partly responsible for an upbringing where he never faced real consequences for his actions.

The term struck a chord with Americans, with the case coming to symbolize the extent to which the justice system treats rich whites differently than poor blacks.

After breaking his probation and fleeing to Mexico with his mother, Couch was recently nabbed by Mexican officials who turned him over to Texan authorities.

What is the likelihood if this was an African-American, inner-city kid that grew up in a violent neighborhood to a single mother who is addicted to crack and he was caught two or three times ... what is the likelihood that the judge would excuse his behavior and let him off because of how he was raised?" Dr. Suniya Luthar, a psychologist who specializes in the costs of affluence in suburban communities, told The Associated Press in 2013.

While his mother may do some jail time, Ethan only stands to do some soft time until next April when he'll be set free.

A growing list of such disparities have affected how Americans think about how punishment is meted out in the United States. 

The Pew Research Center recently reported that only 32 percent of Americans think the country has made enough changes to its justice system, down from 49 percent in 2014.

Likewise, the percentage of Americans who say that more change is needed rose from 46 to 59 percent in the same span.

Such biases are notoriously difficult to weed out of a system that has tolerated them for so long. That doesn't mean the system can't be improved on.

We can start by treating all Americans equally. This will happen when enough people are educated about racial equalities and voters start electing officials (including judges) who are color-blind.

Time for me to walk on down the road... 

Letter from America to Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

Now that Christmas is over, we'd like to congratulate you! 

You have proven beyond all doubt that the theory of no limits to human stupidity is true.

We refer to your latest series of infantile belches of sub-moronic bullsh*t in which you have demonstrated, quite clearly, that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.

You're so vain and pompous that even when you're caught lying you don't admit it. Your elite lifestyle allows for any kind of matter how ugly, or stupid.

You've also managed to provide absolute proof of reincarnation, as no one could possibly become so completely and hopelessly stupid in just one lifetime; even with a team of special-ed tutors and first-rate lobotomy specialists, all working overtime.


Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Cow dung cakes are selling like...well, hot cakes!

Good Day World!

This photo is not a stack of hamburger paddies, despite how it looks.

No. These are cow dung cakes. No. People don't eat them. Yes, they are used for heating and ceremonies throughout India.

To our Western sensibilities the smell of burning poop is unacceptable. The folks in India like that peaty smell though. 

Why not some other animals poo?

Cows are scared in India. That includes their dumps. To many people it is a reminder of their good old days when the main heating source of the land consisted of cow droppings.

The cakes are sold in packages that contain two to eight pieces weighing 7 ounces each. Prices range from $1.50 to $6 per package.

Online retailers said people were also buying the dung cakes to light fires for ritual ceremonies to mark the beginning of the new year and for the winter festival known as Lohri, celebrated in northern India.

Thinking about getting someone a unique New Year's gift? Try ordering cow cakes, and be the first on your block to piss of the mailman!

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, December 28, 2015

How to Cultivate a Political Cult of Paranoia

Good Day World!
Donald Trump is a demagogue with money who can mine fear, white identity politics and right-wing populism where spoils and rewards are given to good “real Americans” and the Other is, by definition, punished and excluded.

He's inspiring a gathering cult status among a fearful segment of society who are seeking deliverence from all of their woes. 
The Boston Globe explores the concept:Recently, a few political scientists have begun to discover a human tendency deeply discouraging to anyone with faith in the power of information.It’s this:
Facts don’t necessarily have the power to change our minds. In fact, quite the opposite.In a series of studies in 2005 and 2006, researchers at the University of Michigan found that when misinformed people, particularly political partisans, were exposed to corrected facts in news stories, they rarely changed their minds.
In fact, they often became even more strongly set in their beliefs. Facts, they found, were not curing misinformation.Like an underpowered antibiotic, facts could actually make misinformation even stronger… “The general idea is that it’s absolutely threatening to admit you’re wrong,” says political scientist Brendan Nyhan, the lead researcher on the Michigan study.The phenomenon — known as “backfire” — is “a natural defense mechanism to avoid that cognitive dissonance.
Trump has become a hero for the angry and resentful white “silent majority” who feel that they are somehow being marginalized in their” country and that “the blacks,” immigrants, Muslims and terrorists are out to get them."

He is a carnival barker, proto-fascist reality TV show host turned Republican 2016 presidential primary leader. And he appeals to the low information Republican base.

This is how low politics have sunk.

A cult leader, carnival barker, and proto-fascist reality TV show host turned Republican 2016 presidential primary leader is being slavishly followed by a money-hungry media that records every hateful thing he says with glee. 

Will sanity win out in the end and send Trump packing in the Republican primary? I guess we'll find out next February.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Getting Ready for New Year's Non-Resolutions

Good Day World!

I don't know about you, but I'm still recovering from the hoopla of Christmas.

As the saying goes, "There's no rest for the weary," because I have to get ready for my New Year's resolutions non-resolutions. You read that right.

I have a perfect history of never keeping my New Year's resolutions. After six-decades of such perfection, I have to be careful about what pledges I make.

The day may come and I'll accidently keep a resolution. (Horrors!) That would ruin everything! My one shot for perfection in this life would be shattered and swept aside in the overall scheme of things.

So, I have to be careful. After considerable thought, a few puffs of some very dank marijuana and a shot of 40-year old Scotch, I've come up with these three resolutions for 2016:

(For the record, this isn't my bucket list. Let's not get the two confused.

1) Go on a cruise.
2) Take a ride on the biggest roller coaster in America.
3) Go fishing in the Amazon.

You might be thinking "Hey! wait a minute Dave! You're comparing a cruise with two high adrenaline activities. What's with that?"

The answer: if there's one part of the planet I never want to's the sea. Going out on a ship is the stuff of nightmares for me (I should have never seen JAWS!).

I think I'm safe with these three pledges for 2016. 

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Saturday, December 26, 2015

It was the day after Christmas and everyone was...

Good Day World!

The lines started early today.

Hundreds of thousands of people trying to be patient while clutching gifts to be returned in stores across America.

If this has happened to you before, or on this Christmas, here's some tips for returning unwanted gifts.

About 8 percent of shoppers planned on hitting the stores the day after Christmas to return or exchange gifts they received from others, according to a survey by American Express.


The amount of returning "is going to escalate every year in direct proportion to the holiday shopping that's done online," said Candace Corlett, president of WSL Strategic Retail, a retail consulting firm.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas to all!

Merry Christmas!

Thanks to all of my readers for stopping by so often this year.

I wish you the best of the season's greetings, and hope that you enjoy it with family and friends.

This is one day when everyone needs to set aside their differences, and to be loving to one another.

Life is too short for hatred. Don't let it into your lives. Instead, have compassion for others and smile at strangers!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

T'was the night before Christmas...and we were up putting together presents

Good Day World!

I'm turning the clock back to the Christmas of 1980 to share a story some parents can relate to:

T'was the night before Christmas and my wife and I were putting together presents. You know the kind I mean. They have murky instructions and are often missing key parts.

One example: we bought a toy box that had to be assembled. It came with a top, bottom, four sides, and numerous plastic bags with various nuts, bolts, and washers.

The instructions were in every language imaginable...except in English. The diagrams did not resemble the actual parts.

Pause for a moment. I am not mechanically minded. My wife, Shirley, is. We pretty much came to an agreement after this Christmas Eve she'd put the stuff together, and I would have to put my manly pride aside for the benefit of all!

Back to Christmas Eve of 1980...

For some reason nearly all the toys we got our three boys had to be assembled. It didn't take long before we started squabbling about interperating the instructions.

As the hours went by and most people slept, we toiled, and haggled, over the presents. Our tempers were frayed by the early morning hours when it became apparent we weren't going to get any sleep.

Looking back now I can admit that I was the problem that night. Shirley has told me since then, that she wondered why I didn't seem to "get things" that night.

At first light we finished and put a pot of coffee on and waited. It didn't take long. The two older boys came stumbling out with sleep still in their eyes (chubby little fists wiping it away) as they gasped.

The delight in their eyes. when they saw the presents under and around the tree, was worth our sleepless night! 

Shirley went and got our youngest (he was only six weeks old) and brought him out to watch the proceedings.

It was a Christmas to remember for a lot of reasons.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Nine Famous Christmas Stories to Share With Children in Your Life

Good Day World!

Christmas is for kids.

I know many will not agree with me because the holiday is rooted in Christianity. That's okay.

When I say Christmas is for the kids, I'm speaking for parents everywhere.

There's nothing like watching those innocent little eyes light up as they gaze at presents under the tree, or listen to you telling them Christmas stories.

As a proud father of three sons I can testify to that. 

As the weeks leading up to Christmas went by, my wife and I always shared Christmas stories with our children. That tradition was carried over to our five grandchildren. 

If you are fortunant enough to have children in your life, here's a short collection of classic Christmas stories to share.

Open and print: 

1. The Little Matchgirl by Hans Christian Andersen

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Loneliest Christmas Was a Milestone in My Life

Good Day World!

I'm fortunate to have had only one really lonely Christmas in 65 years.

I went into the Army in 1969 and did my basic training at Ft. Ord, California.

(Ft. Leonardwood barracks circa 1969)

 For my advanced training (Combat Engineer) I was sent to Ft. Leonardwood, Mo., that October.

Snow everywhere in November. A first for me. For whatever reasons, the DI's made me Field First (acting E-6) for the cycle. I was sent to two weeks of Leadership School.

Leading the entire company meant I called the trainees to formations three times a day, and I led then marching daily, while barking out the cadences I'd learned.

I was expected to excel and set an example for the troops.

I had my own little room. It was located in a barracks that dated back to WWII. It was a long wooden 2-story building with one heating source - an old pot-bellied stove at one end of the room.

There was no heating in my little room. The price of leadership I supposed. In my spare time, I boxed against opponents from other companies. Those were wild booze-driven affairs that sometimes ended in mini-riots.

I didn't have any friends. I couldn't afford to show favoritism and the DI's weren't interested in making friends. Most of them had been to the Nam, and knew that was were I was going.

I didn't have enough money to go home for the holidays that Christmas. I waited too long to ask for financial help from my family to fly back to California. 

I had just turned 19-years in November. I'd never been away from home during the holidays before. The Christmas cards and packages that I got only made me long to be home even more.

It was time for me to become a man. A milestone in my young life. It was like putting toys from my youth away, and stepping into another world of adults.

As I sat alone in my cold little room on Christmas Eve, I fought back tears. I wondered if I was going to die in Vietnam and desperately missed my family.

But...on Christmas morning I woke up smiling.

It was like a miracle. Maybe my dreams were so good they carried over. Whatever the reason, the sadness had slipped away like a thief in the night.

I made a few reverse-charged phone calls to family members, and that perked me up. They were all so supportive. The durability and adaptability of youth stood me in good stead that day.

Time for me to walk on down the road...


Monday, December 21, 2015

A Letter From a 65-Year Old Man to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

How's it going?

I know it's been a long time since the last time you answered my letter (1955), but you're really on my mind this season.

For starters, I never got to apologize for planning to mug you that Christmas Eve. I was only five, and my brother was only three, but for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to mug you and get more presents.

As you know, we both fell asleep, a baseball bat cradled in my arms and my brother clutching his blankie beneath the Christmas tree that night .

I can imagine your shock at the scene we presented when you came to deliver our toys. You still left us toys, but that was no longer answered my letters.

I've tried to make up for that faux pa by telling our three sons what a great guy you are. It must have worked because none of them attempted to mug you!

Then the grandchildren came, five in all, and I dusted off all my old Santa lore to entertain a new generation and make them Santa believers. Again, it must have worked because they really did believe in you for years.

I guess I just wanted to say that I still believe in the spirit of Christmas - which includes you - and that same little mixed-up kid that waited up for you with a baseball bat has turned out to be one of your greatest supporters.

Thanks for taking the time out to read my letter during this busy time of the year for you.

Merry Christmas!

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Santa Hacks and Facts for Inquiring Minds

Good Day World!

Here's some Santa Hacks and Facts:

That's it. 
You're tired of sneaking around the house to hide the presents, telling your child that No, those aren't squirrels in the attic, it's Santa on the roof!, eating the carrots left out for Rudolph (okay, so maybe you still enjoy those cookies for Santa..) and holding your breath every time your kid uses the internet. 
It's time to let them know the truth. That Santa is fake. A myth. A story. A fraud. Nothing special. Here's how.

* Santa ClausSaint NicholasSaint NickFather ChristmasKris KringleSanty, or simply Santa is a figure with legendary, historical and folkloric origins who, in many Western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of good children on 24 December, the night before Christmas Day

* Here's what Santa looks like according to this 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" by caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast.

* Here's Santa's Phone Number…Grab your family and give him a call at 951-262-3062 to recieve a holiday greeting from Santa and leave your wish list.

* Your kids can keep track of Santa all December long while playing with his elves here.

* Will Ferrell Is the New Santa Claus! Check out this funny video

11 Insane Things You Didn't Know About Santa Claus

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Saturday, December 19, 2015

I don't think bottled air is going to solve China's pollution problem, but it is making one Canadian a lot of money!

Good Day World!

Back in the day when I was selling newspaper advertising competition was fierce. 

And this was before the Internet. You can only imagine how much harder it is nowadays.

I remember saying during sales meetings that a great salesman should be able to sell anything. Like selling snow to an Eskimo for example.

Years later, I noticed that when I stopped to put air in my tire it was no longer a free service. I had to drop a quarter into a little machine that gave me a minute (or two, I don't remember exactly) of air. 

Back to the present.

I just finished reading an article about how bad the air pollution is in China. It promtly brought to mind this story about how a Canadian man is selling fresh air in cannisters to the Chinese.

Now that's a great salesman.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Friday, December 18, 2015

21st Century Christmas Icon: Zombie Claus!

                 Good Day World!

Have you been good little boys and girls this year?

You better have, because otherwise you're going to get a visit from Zombie Claus!

Yes, Zombie Claus. You know why?

Because zombies are so damn popular in our society today. Like these video games: Star Wars Zombies, Santa's Zombie Elves, and Zombie Christmas Story to give a few quick examples.

Take a listen to this hip song produced for charity last year:
Does Santa Claus Visit Zombie-Kids?

If you're interested in getting into the spirit of things here's a video on how to turn yourself into Zombie Claus. Be the life center of the party when you arrive to give out scary gifts to bad little boys and girls!

All in fun, okay? 

If you're a Christmas traditionalist, don't let this post bother you. I'm not advocating anything. Simply observing how popular zombies are in our culture now.

Even during the holidays.

Time for me to walk on down the road... 

Thursday, December 17, 2015

Don't Worry, CHRISTMAS wins 'the War on Christmas' Every Year!

Good Day World!

Do you know where the expression "...the War on Christmas" comes from?

The answer is not the Republican Party.

The expression "the War on Christmas" has been used in the media to denote Christmas-related controversies.

We can thank conservative commentators such as Peter Brimelow and Bill O'Reilly for inserting their paranoia into the holiday since 1996.

Brimelow and O'Reilly claimed any specific mention of the term "Christmas" or its religious aspects was being increasingly censored, avoided, or discouraged by a number of advertisers, retailers, government (prominently schools), and other public and secular organizations.

Jeff Schweitzer, a commentator for The Huffington Post, addressed the position of commentators such as O'Reilly, stating that: 

"There is no war on Christmas; the idea is absurd at every level. Those who object to being forced to celebrate an other's religion are drowning in Christmas in a sea of Christianity dominating all aspects of social life. An 80 percent majority can claim victim hood only with an extraordinary flight from reality."

So, now you know where the term came from. And, why it gets recycled every year on Fox News.

As if we weren't already polarized enough in this country, this stupid meme/controversy rolls around annually, like the Grinch trying to spoil Christmas.

But it isn't going to happen! Christmas wins every year.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Why Stop at Just Ugly Sweater Parties?

Good Day World!

I saw my son, and his girlfriend, on Facebook modeling ugly sweaters at an "Ugly Sweater" party, and it got me to thinking (always a dangerous proposition).

Why stop there?

Why not have Ugly Pants Parties? 

My example here is just a suggestion. Imagine what you could come up with?

We really should have Ugly Hat Parties.

And Ugly Socks parties.

There's already Ugly People parties - I go to at least one every December.

Now we're warming up for the holidays...

How about Elf parties? Cosplayers ought to really get into the spirit of things there.

I'm saving the best for last...

How about an Ugly Politician Party? That way none of them will be left out, because they're all one way, or another.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

In the spirit of the season I've got some gifts for politicians

                                                         Good Day World!

Despite the fact that politicians are my least favorite people in the whole world, it is Christmas time, so I'm passing out the following presents:

To Donald Trump: A realistic hair piece.

To Ted Cruz: A copy of  the book, 12 Rules for Mixing Religion and Politics by Peter Montgomery.

 To Marco Rubio: I bronzed his most recent Lobby Award Plaque from GEO GROUP, the nation's second-largest for-profit prison company.

To Bernie Sanders: An appointment to get a buzz haircut at a prestigious beauty college.

To Hillary Clinton: A one-year free membership with Radical Honestya group who teaches how to actually live an authentic life.

To Martin O'Malley: Oh boy is this awkward ...I didn't get a gift for you because (like the rest of the country) I never heard of you before you filed for president this year!

To President Obama: A special appointment for same day ear-reduction surgery at The Mayo Clinic.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, December 14, 2015

Oh boy! 2016 is Going to be The Year of the Gun!

Good Day World!

Before I even start, let’s get one thing straight; the following is satire. For those of you with no sense of humor that means I’m just joking…with an edge to my message.


What a difference a year makes.
Up until last year, only 89 out of 100 Americans had guns. The NRA’s latest victory - arming the remaining 11% who didn’t have guns – signals a new time of peace and posterity.


* One of the hottest selling products of the new year is a framed photo of Wayne LaPierre wearing a Remington (they branched out to a clothing line) thong while sipping a beer on Prado Beach.

* Interior designers report that the new “in-look” is “Assault Rifle and Ammo Montage” wallpaper. They praise the versatility of the design, suggesting it looks good throughout the house.

* Hood ornaments are back! The hands-down leader is a silver Assault Rifle mounted on a NRA logo. They are popping up on all makes, not just pickup trucks.


* For pure action “Count to 10 – Then Run!” is hard to beat. Premise: Contestants randomly select a person and give them 10 seconds to run for their lives before hunting them down with fully automatic assault rifles.

* Viewers are warned not to copy the contestants (who are crazy) in “Hot Grenade,”  a lethal version of the children’s game of “Hot Potatoes.”

* For heart-stopping drama, “The Mankill Family,” has no equal. Literally. More heart shot kills are made than any other reality shows on TV. You don’t want to live in their neighborhood!

* Marriages at Gun Ranges. Instead of dancing after the oath-giving ceremony, guests will fire at targets of Liberals with complimentary rifles.

* All time high for accidental gun shot wounds/deaths in every hospital of the country.

* Ted Nugent appointed Secretary of Defense in November after Donald Trump becomes president!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Sunday, December 13, 2015

England has no intention of returning stolen loot

Good Day World!

The British were once fond of bragging that the sun never set on their empire.

During those halcyon times the British looted the countries they conquered as a matter of course. 

Tut! Tut! And all that.

What I really find amusing is that the Brits have no intention of returning any of those stolen goods to the countries they defeated.

Here’s a good example:

A Pakistani attorney recently said he filed a court petition seeking the return of the famed Koh-i-Noor diamond Britain forced India to hand over in colonial times.

Once the largest known diamond in the world, the 105-carat diamond, also called the Mountain of Light, is one of the Crown Jewels. It is set in a crown last worn by the late mother of Queen Elizabeth II during her coronation.

The British response to Attorney Jawaid Iqbal Jafree request is the same one that’s been given 786 times before; Silence. Not a word.

During a visit to India in 2010, British Prime Minister David Cameron said in an interview on Indian television that the diamond would stay in London.

"What tends to happen with these questions is that if you say yes to one, then you would suddenly find the British Museum empty," he said.

So there you have it. England would have to return everything in the British Museum if they set the dangerous precedent of righting so many wrongs.

Cheerio then…carry on!

Time for me to walk on down the road… 

Blog Break Until Presidential Election is Over

I finally hit the wall today. I can't think of what to say about all of the madness going on in this country right now. I'm a writer...