Saturday, August 13, 2016

Welcome to the Museum of Morons: Free Tour Today

Good Day World!

Welcome to the Museum of Morons.

My name is Dave, and I'm the curator. Before we start our tour, let me give you a little backround on the museum's purpose and goals:

A) To show how morons have affected civilizations since ancient times.

B) Top morons in time are featured to help visitors understand the rolls they played in history.

C) Examples of current morons making their mark on society.

In the beginning...

Exhibit A - There was Caligula. As the emperor of Rome, he gave rise to the meaning of moron by doing things like naming his horse, Incitatus,  a consul and making him a priest.

Exhibit B - Then there was Muhammad bin Tughlaq, an Indian sultan who wanted to move his capital from Delhi to a city 932 miles away, and forced the whole city to move.

But as soon as he got there he decided to keep the old capital and forced everyone to march back.

Exhibit C - Franz Reichelt was known as the flying tailor in 1912. He made himself a flying suit and got permission from Paris police to test the suit off the Eiffel Tower.

The thing is, he was supposed to use a test dummy. But when he got to the top he decided to test it himself, despite being asked not to, and jumped. The suit malfunctioned and he hurdled to his death.

Exhibit D - When Dan Quayle was the vice-president of the United States he became famous for his moronic quotes and gaffes. To wit:

On June 15, 1992, Quayle altered a 12-year old student's correct spelling of "potato" to "potatoe" at the Munoz Rivera Elementary School spelling bee in Trenton, New Jersey."   

One of my favorite Quayle quotes: "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."

Exhibit E - The moron's moron award has to go to George W. Bush, ex-president of the United States. Examples:

"Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" January 2000, during a campaign event in South Carolina.

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." Aug.5, 2004, at the signing ceremony for a defense spending bill.

I hope you enjoyed this random sampling of morons. The next time you come to this museum you'll get to see our newest exhibit - Donald J. Trump.

And, as everyone knows, he has reached moronic heights during this 2016 election cycle that may never be matched by another person in history again!

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Friday, August 12, 2016

A Day In The Life: Camels, Hunger Strike, Nazis, Fencehoppers, and a Surprise Baby

Good Day World!

Up early as usual.

Still dark outside. Hunched over my PC sharing thoughts in a blog post for tomorrow.

This may come as a surprise to you; camels don't store water in their hump. Instead the hump is packed with energy-rich fat deposits. Who knew?

I heard Irom Sharmila, one of India's most prominent political activists finally ended her 16-year hunger strike. She was force-fed through a tube in her nose by the police since November 2000.

I can't even imagine that. Talk about a dedicated person. Activists in the USA get butt-hurt when they're locked up overnight.

Can you believe people are still hunting down Nazis? Investigators recently identified eight suspects from the Stutthof Death Camp in Poland.

Reminiscent of White House fencehoppers (not to be confused with grasshoppers), but across the pond: 

A drunk climbed over the security fence around the grounds of Buckingham Palace, Queen Elizabeth II's official residence recently. 

The fellow didn't resist arrest and was quickly trotted off to London Tower to be tortured...GOT YA! Just wanted to see if you were paying attention.

I want to leave you with something awe inspiring. Here's a story of a woman who delivered her own baby in the back seat of a car while en route to the hospital.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Thursday, August 11, 2016

How An Interpreter Got President Trump Elected

Good Day World!

If it wasn't for John Smith, President Donald Trump wouldn't be redecorating the White House to reflect his favorite casino style.

Last August things were looking pretty grim for The Donald. 

He kept making outrageous comments during his rallies that were alienating Republicans who had to trot out a dark horse at the 11th hour to challenge him.

His gaffes got the wrong kind of headlines, exposing him as a dangerous demagogue who could incite people to do anything.

The Trump campaign had given up trying to mellow Trump and spent most of the time defending his outrageous remarks.

"He didn't mean that at all," staffers reassured the press after a stupid comment about what 2nd Amendment people could do to Hillary Clinton if she were elected.

This last comment came in August following a month of stupid comments that led to national controversies, and were sending him into a tailspin at all the polls.

Then John Smith joined the Trump campaign. No one knew anything about the man, other than he seemed to have a strange influence on Trump.

He was a slick talker, on that everyone agrees, because he quickly became Trump's only interpreter. Smith massaged Trump's messages like a professional massage therapist. 

He quickly softened Trump's image by deciphering his speeches (a TV screen would show Smith interpreting Trumps remarks and putting positive spins on them in real time).

The result? In one of the closest elections in American history, Trump edged Clinton for the win.

Afterwords, Democrats set out to find more about the mysterious man who greased Trump's ride to the Oval Office.

As of this writing there are two theories:

1) Smith is not his real name. Instead, his name is Vladimir Povov and he's related to Russian president Putin.

2) Smith is not his real name and he's a distant relation of Trump's; a real estate magnet from Slovenia living in exile in the Bahamas. 

Stay tuned as John Smith is finally exposed. A real shocker!

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

A 'Dark Horse' Arrives in Presidential Race at the 11th Hour

Good Day World!

Has our presidential election got strange enough for you yet?

After both major political parties fielded the two worst candidates in presidential election history, a dark horse is galloping out of the right-wing hoping to challenge Trump in some key states at the 11th hour. 

The dark horse is a veteran CIA officer - Evan McMullin running on  the Independent Party ticket. (photo above)

The guy (shades of Vladimir Putin) has never run for public office before, but that doesn't bother the #NeverTrump contingent of the Republican party that's backing McMullin's candidacy.

Donald Trump has single-handedly destroyed the Republican party like a big kid playing too roughly with his toys. 

Does McMullin stand a chance of winning?

Not likely. There's 27 states that have closed the door to the ballot box already.

What McMullin will do is contest Trump in Utah and other Mormon-heavy states (Arizona and Nevada) because - SURPRISE - he's a Mormon, and Republican Mormon voters loath the Donald.

His job would be to stop Trump by peeling away possible voters, and helping the GOP down ticket.

All this is just another twist in the high stakes drama that will affect future generations of Americans. 

Toss in scathing personal insults among contenders; a reality show host whose found himself thrust into a political limelight of which he knows nothing; a candidate's wife plagiarizing her campaign speech; attacks against Gold Star families; white supremacists backing a candidate; and accusations of the election being rigged before voting has even begun...

and you have a glimpse into Presidential Campaign 2016; a truly strange journey into chaos for the American voter.

ANALYSIS: Why the New Independent Candidate Could Still Matter
Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

GPS Armageddon Coming? People Are a Jamming And a Spoofing And That Isn't Good!

Good Day World!

Road rage is a growing problem on our highways today. 

Most of us have heard about it. 

But, did you know that there's an even bigger problem out there on those endless miles of highways? 

Electronic warfare has come home to America's byways and highways. Our homes and cars are under assault along with numerous other devices we take for granted.

Criminals, rogue employees and even otherwise law-abiding citizens are using illegal jamming devices to overpower GPS (Globalized Positioning System), cellphone and other electronic signals over localized areas.

You know what's really scary?

Experts are warning that the critical space-based navigational, positional and timing network, is threatened by an escalating amount of destructive spoofing devices that have become available to anyone.

Spoofing devices trick GPS receivers by faking satellite signals in order to manipulate the system to their advantage.

The result is sophisticated and unsophisticated criminals are stealing from you by attacking everyday devices that you use. 

Garage door openers become easy entry for thiefs, and drug traffickers use jammers to foil electronic surveillance by law enforcement or rival gangs.

The list goes on. America's infrastructure from energy to Wall Street depends upon GPS systems.

U.S. authorities has been aware of these vulnerablities for some time, but the problem appears to be growing. The government has been slowly working to address broader GPS vulnerabilities.

Slowly is the operative word.

The good news is that there's a multi agency Space-Based Positioning, Navigation and Timing Executive Committee know as ExCom, that's been working for years on a GPS backup solution that would make jamming and spoofing of GPS more difficult.

Here's hoping nothing critical happens to our infrastructure meanwhile.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, August 8, 2016

Does Trump Plan On Making Money By Nose-Polishing Putin's Shoes?

Good Day World!

Understand...Russia is not our buddy.

Regardless of Trump's bromance with Putin, don't think for a moment we aren't their number one enemy. The Cold War never ended for former KGB officer Vladimir Putin.

The evidence continues to grow that Russia is doing everything it can to get Donald Trump elected. 

Trump's public remark:

"Russia, if you're listening, I hope you're able to find the 30,000 emails that are missing. I think you will probably be rewarded mightily by our press."

After this stupid statement he claimed he was only "being sarcastic" the next day. 

Asked by CNN's Jim Acosta whether Trump should call on Russian President Vladimir Putin to stay out of this election, Trump said he's not going to give Putin any orders.

Pressed repeatedly on whether he has any investments there, an exasperated Trump recently said: "I have nothing to do with Russia!"

The problem with that statement is that it is contradicted by other evidence suggesting the Trump Organization has long been interested in business in Russia  evidence collected by Tom Hamburger, Rosalind S. Helderman and Michael Birnbaum for a lengthy article that was published in June.

“Russia is one of the hottest places in the world for investment,Trump said in a 2007 deposition. “We will be in Moscow at some point,” he boasted.

Perhaps that time has come, and Trump's nose-polishing of Putin's shoes will give him the opportunity to make millions of dollars if he can open the doors of commerce with rich Russians.

An ex-CIA official says "Putin worked Donald."

I leave you with one more article that is chilling in it's implications:
Could Russia Hack US Ballots On Election Day?

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Sunday, August 7, 2016

News Quotes That Go Perfectly With Poems

Good Day World!

Sometimes I read things in the news that seem to go perfectly with published poetry.

There's so many examples, but I'll keep it down to just two for today:

In The News

"Earth is stationary and does not move.
Quote from last week by Saudi cleric Sheikh Bandar-el-Khaibari 

Here's what came to my mind:
The Man In The Jar
I once knew a man who lived in a jar,
for a stranger sight you'd have to go far.
I asked him once, why he lived in a jar,
he grimaced and said, how bizarre you are.
My jar's so cozy, warm and bright,
even in the full moonlight.
The only drawback is you see
is getting out quickly when I have to pee.
By Irwin Mercer

And this quote:
"They (The New York Times) have people over there, like Maggie Haberman and others, they don't - they don't write good. They don't know how to write good."  -Donald Trump

The Ogre does what ogres can,
Deeds quite impossible for a Man,
But one prize is beyond his reach,
The Ogre cannot master Speech:
Among its desperate and slain,
About a subjugated plain,
While drivel gushes from his lips.
The Ogre stalks with hands on hips.
By Wystan Hugh (WH) Auden

Time for me to walk on down the road...   

Blog Break Until Presidential Election is Over

I finally hit the wall today. I can't think of what to say about all of the madness going on in this country right now. I'm a writer...