Saturday, December 10, 2022

Animal Tales: Terrorist Iguana Causes Large Scale Outage, Pet Unicorn License Issued, Cow Visits Doctor's Office and More

Authorities in Florida recently reported a suspected domestic terrorist disguised as a Green Iguana who went by the name Louie, attacked a power substation causing a "large scale outage" for power customers.

Authorities had been searching for him ever since he was seen running from Mar-a-Lago with confidential files in his mouth earlier this month. 

Breaking New Ground

A handwritten letter from a young California girl to animal care and control officials has broken new ground when it comes to fantasy animals.

Authorities spent weeks investigating if unicorns were real without success. But they wanted kids everywhere to still believe there was a chance that unicorns really did so they gave the child a pre-approved license to keep a unicorn as a pet should she find one.

Unicorn dolls have been selling out in California since the news broke. 

Meanwhile

Cows have been escaping from tractor trailers a lot lately.

Just two weeks ago a great escape - about 30 cows - made a slow dash to freedom before being re-incarcerated by several cattle wranglers.

On Dec. 9th a rogue cow (who goes by Bonny the Bad Ass - photo above) jumped from the back of a trailer and headed straight for a doctor's office. 

The 650-pound bovine literally came through the front door and demanded to see the doctor.

If it wasn't for two cattle wranglers scaring the shit out of Bonny authorities said she might not have crashed through the front door and would have been content bellowing for a doctor from outside. 

Afterwards, the two men were given cognitive tests to see how stupid they were.

Meanwhile

Authorities at Dane County Regional airport in Madison, Wisconsin accidently put a dog a dog through an X-Ray Machine.

The dachshund-chihuahua mix had some harsh barks with its stupid owner who didn't follow the proper protocol for traveling with pets. 

Asked what the dog thought while being subjected to x-rays the sheepish owner said, "He probably thought about biting my ass!" she theorized. 

As it stands, I hope you enjoyed today's tall tales. I intend to bring Animal Tales back again when you least expect them!

Friday, December 9, 2022

Round 1: GOP SmackDown for House Speakership Coming Soon

Back in the 1950s professional wrestling introduced a cast of characters to the public that would evolve over the decades into the Republican Party.

I still remember my dear old grandmother watching wrestling every Friday night broadcast from the South-Side Armory in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her favorite character was Gorgeous George (photo above) in what historians describe as the Golden Age of Wrestling.

George was flamboyant and charismatic beside being a blond hunk. He delighted audiences fighting such villains as The Sheik of Araby, and The Crusher. 

There's still a professional wrestling circuit (WWE) in 2022 with ring characters like Madcap Moss, Seth Freaking Rollins, the Ultimate Warrior, and Sheamus.

Since 2017, with the accension of Trump, the Republican Party has been providing the WWE with tough competition. The GOP has been working diligently to introduce ring worthy characters and currently there's a crowded stable of unstable candidates to feature.

In January wrestling fans across the country will be watching a Battle Royal as Republicans fight over which one will be the new House Speaker.

The competition is being billed as a SmackDown in Crazy Town.

The GOP cast of characters include:

Marjorie Fat Marge Greene, Kevin the Coward, The Bouncer formerly known as Andy Biggs, Steve the Snake Scalise, Grinning Gym Jordan, Mo the Bastard Brooks, Matt the Molester Gaetz, and Crazy Paul Gosar.  

Story line in January

Kevin the Coward McCarthy wants to be the Speaker of the House. But there's a problem. There's a growing anarchy among the restless minions of Trump who don't want him to get the position.   

In round one of the January match Kevin the Coward McCarthy is hoping to deliver a knockout blow to The Bouncer formerly known as Andy Biggs.

There's a real possibility that the match will go multiple rounds before electing their new leader. That hasn't happened in the House since 1923 according to historians.

As it stands, I apologize to wrestling purists for this comparison, but I couldn't find a better sport - other than boxing which is nowhere near the fun wrestling is!

Thursday, December 8, 2022

The Year Domestic Terrorists Openly Declared War on the Nation's Power Grids

Note: The Government Accountability Office says their recommendations from years ago still "have not been implemented yet leaving the power grid vulnerable." Over those years there's been more than 700 attacks. This year however is standing out as the domestic terrorists behind it get bolder.

The first indicator that America's Power companies were under siege came earlier this year in February.

The Department of Justice caught three men who ended up pleading guilty to providing material support for a plot to attack power grids in America. They were white supremacists who wanted to create economic distress and civil unrest.

A recent law enforcement memo warned that more attacks like the ones in recent power substations in North Carolina (affecting 45,000 homes at the peak) could happen in other parts of the county too.

Prior to that North Carolina was targeted on November 11th when sheriff's officers in Jones County reported that criminal vandalism had caused 12,000 homes to lose power for days. That investigation is still ongoing.

Earlier in the year power companies in Oregon and Washington reported physical attacks on substations using hand tools, arson, firearms, and metal chains. No suspects have been arrested yet.

The attacks by these domestic terrorists reportedly bypassed security by cutting fence links, lighting nearby fires, shooting equipment from a distance or throwing objects over the fence and onto equipment, according to federal authorities.

Let's be clear here. America is currently experiencing concentrated attacks by homegrown terrorists and the Justice Department is having a hell of a time trying to catch the perpetrators.

The suspects run from white supremacists to militia groups seeking to cause anarchy and bring down our democracy.

The "enemy within" should be a major priority for all law enforcement agencies in the country and federal authorities. But frankly I haven't seen that much about these terrorists in the mainstream press all year. Maybe an occasional story that faded away in a day.

More importantly I want to see states and the federal government get proactive and take a long hard look at our very vulnerable national power grids and do something about it.

What's the answer?

I suspect that Congress would get tied up in knots (like the GAO did years ago) trying to secure federal spending to fund the states security. The most we can expect is Congress may harden whatever security the federal government already provides.

I say let the states assume the cost for enhanced security (if necessary) for their own national (or private) power grids.

What? You say that's crazy! Maybe not. Think about it. What is one of the most important things in every state that people depend on?

That's right. Having electrical power in their homes, businesses and medical facilities. When it comes to state budgets what would be more important than this kind of protection? 

To achieve this, it calls for a thorough budget evaluation from state lawmakers who are interested in protecting their constituents. If some lawmakers resist, they'll be on the wrong side of the argument and get voted out of office.

As it stands, now that I have figured out an answer to this threat to the nation's power grid attacks it's up to federal lawmakers to catch the crazy bastards doing it!

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Right-Wing Lawmakers Are Making their Last Stand in the House of Representatives

There's no legislative agenda for the incoming Republican House majority in January.

Instead, the slim majority of Republicans are going to cling to alt-right conspiracies to gin up their rapidly dwindling base.

They'll never learn.

All Americans are not crazy. Yes, there's about a third of the nation that believes in violent fantasies and having an authoritarian government run by a twice-impeached former president as Leader for Life

The midterms showed that more Americans are becoming increasingly wary of the dangers the Trump wing of the Republican Party poses. 

However, reality seems to have very little impact on Republican leadership who are choosing to follow a losing strategy with a revenge tour in the House.

In the fevered minds of Trump's minions launching House investigations that will go nowhere is their pathetic attempt to rally the loons before the 2024 presidential election.

Meanwhile the solid Democratic majority Senate is set to pass bills and laws in the next two years without having to contend with Mitch McConnell who will be virtually powerless because he's going to be busy fighting off the disgruntled Trump acolytes like Cruz who have promised to make the next two years hell for old Mitch.

The Republicans in the House are also having problems among themselves before assuming the majority in January by squabbling over who their leader will be.

The spinless one known as Kevin McCarthy thought he was going to be the Speaker of the House, but the Clown Caucus (aka Freedom Caucus) had other ideas. They want one of their own like Andy Biggs to drive the Trump train in Congress.

It's like herding feral cats into a room and getting them all to agree to one leader. Impossible. McCarthy is finding that out the hard way.

 So, this motley crew of crazies are taking their Last Stand in the House where they have a slim majority of 221 to 213.

As it stands, none of the above surprises me because the very definition of stupidity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result each time.

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Guilty! Trump Crime Family Organization Convicted on Multiple Counts of Criminal Fraud

Well, it's about time!

The Trump Crime Family is finally paying for past sins after a Manhattan jury found two Trump Organization companies guilty on multiple charges of criminal tax fraud and falsifying business records today.

The 15-year scheme to defraud tax authorities by failing to report and pay taxes on compensation for top executives was exposed in court.

The Trump Corp. and Trump Payroll Corp. were found guilty on all of the charges they faced.

Like a true mob boss, Trump's underlings took the fall for him. The Trump Organization Chief Financial Officer Allen Weisselberg was thrown under the bus as Trump claimed he knew nothing of the scheme.

To save his own ass Weisselberg pleaded guilty and agreed to testify against the company. For that testimony his sentence of 15 years was reduced to five months in jail.

There was another Trump executive, Jeffrey McConney who admitted his crimes in connection to the case and was granted immunity under New York law because he was called by prosecutors as a grand jury witness.

Thus far Donald Trump and his kids have eluded criminal charges in this case (or any other possible ones thus far), but there's another New York case (headed up by AG Alvin Bragg) where they might not be so lucky.

But don't hold your breath.

Don the Con still hasn't been charged by anyone yet despite the multiple cases against him. Most political observers believe that will change soon... maybe even this month.

As it stands, this was just the first step towards taking down the most corrupt president the country has ever seen.

Monday, December 5, 2022

Another Day in America: Running Dogs and Escaping Cows and Emus

Folks in Utah are talking about a 6-month-old female Merle cattle dog that shut down I-80 as first responders tried to catch the errant pooch. 

Thanks to the Utah Department of Transportation cameras captured a video of the exciting chase. 

According to the Salt Lake County Animal Services center the dog was not wearing a collar or microchipped. She's going to be held for five days before being put up for adoption.

You may be thinking..."Is this even a news story?" Well, in Utah it is. It used to be if a man bit a dog that was a news story. Not an errant pooch wandering around lost.

Moving on

The escape wasn't planned.

It was a spur of the moment opportunity that the bold bovines took when the cattle trailer they were in was involved in a crash.

The Arizonia Department of Transportation responded by sending out workers to corral 30 escapees. The truck had been carrying 109 cows before the crash.

The unorganized attempt for freedom ended fairly quickly as workers responded to the location at the Loop 101 freeway in Glendale.

As of this writing none of the escapees would tell authorities who their leader was. Everyone involved was unharmed.

Moving on

Another escape.

Two emus made a daring escape from their enclosure according to officials in an Ohio county who managed to catch them this week.

However, the story doesn't end here. 

There's a third emu that remains on the loose in the same general area. Officials recently said that an unrelated emu has been free since mid-November.

It's been a mystery since then. Highland County locals have been speculating that the Lone Emu (as he's now called) may have helped (or at least encouraged) the breakout of the other two emus lately.

As it stands, I'll be sure to let you know if they capture the Lone Emu who at this very moment may be looking for more of his people to set free!

Sunday, December 4, 2022

GOP's Assault on Hunter Biden is Going the Route of Benghazi - into History's Trash Can

Ever since the Republican Party donned their tin foil hats and went all in on the Benghazi conspiracy, they have been searching for a new boogeyman to replace Hillary Clinton.

After years of pursuing Hillary Clinton - including 12 hours of direct questioning by Jim Jordan's kangaroo court - they were unable to charge her with anything.

The disappointment was palpable among the conspiracy-loving conservatives who spent so much time spreading lies and misinformation only to not see their fever dream come true.

Their vile efforts to besmirch Clinton have been consigned to history's trash heap along with a litany of other conspiracies.

This was untenable for the crazies who still roamed in the halls of Congress. Then along came Hunter Biden, President Biden's son in time for the 2020 election.

With the help of Russian disinformation, the Trump team tried to pull off an October surprise by charging Hunter with tax fraud and worse weeks before the election.

Fortunately, most of the mainstream media didn't just jump on the bandwagon and took time to vet the outrageous charges Trump's minions were bringing without evidence.

Biden won. Trump lost. But of course, it didn't end there.

Hunter Biden is going to see an all-out assault against him by the GOP House in January as part of their much-advertised revenge tour. 

The first blow has already come from another alt-right corner as new Twitter owner Elon Musk promoted the leak of Hunter Biden documents.

Substack writer Matt Taibbi released portions of the leak in a rambling Twitter thread on Friday night. For the record, the info was a nothingburger

Fact: Hunter Biden has been under investigation by a House Committee for two years now with no conclusions drawn. But Gym Jordan has promised to launch a new one in January.

Let's see now. The same Jordan that led the fruitless Benghazi investigation is about to launch another two-year fiasco that will also end up in history's trash heap.

The thing that really amuses me is the GOP thinks the general public cares about a non-public person with tax and health problems. 

If they were interested in a president's offspring Trump's kids would have been investigated for their part in Daddy's government looting - and illegal foreign contacts - while president. 

The public does care about Trump's tax problems and many celebrated when his taxes were finally given to the House committee last week. It's taken years of obstruction to get to this point.

As it stands, the good news is the public is going to be sick of right-wingers pursuing vendettas and not coming up with any legislation that might benefit them. Can you say Blue Wave?

Who's Stalking Zoos and Stealing/Killing Their Animals?

For some odd reason monkeys have become a prime target f or thieves who have broken into two zoos recently. Zoosiana, a zoo in Broussard, ...