Saturday, April 6, 2019

Today's Forum: Trump Gives Advise On Harassing Women

                                             Good Day World!

Today's special feature:
King Trump has kindly granted me an interview from his throne room this morning. He offered up advise to men about harassing women.

The Interview

Dave: Good morning, Mr. President. Thanks for granting this interview.

Trump: No problem. I know people love their president - me - and anytime I can offer my great insights, I'm happy to. MAGA!

Dave: You've been tweeting about former vice president Joe Biden recently and calling him "Creepy Joe." Pundits say mockingly. What's up with that?

Trump: The old pervert can't keep his hands off of women. I'm just warning them about Mr. Touchy Feelie.

Dave: To be fair, you've been accused of being too touchy feelie with women too.

Trump: Only by Democrats and the Fake Media.

Dave: What about the Access Hollywood tape? You bragged about grabbing women by the pussy!

Trump: It's even more fun than pinching titties! Lighten up! You're reading too much into that casual conversation (that never should have been released).

Dave: Biden's backers point out how much he respects women, and that he has never intentionally harassed a woman.

Trump: He's taking the wrong tact in dealing with his accusers. He also needs to stop the apology tour. 

Dave: What do you mean?

Trump: He needs to embrace his creepiness. Look at me. I got elected right after that Hollywood Access tape. It's probably one of the reasons I got elected.

Dave: Are you saying Americans like creepy old men who touch women inappropriately? 

Trump: No.You said that. 

Dave: But, you just...

Trump: Did you vote for me?

Dave: What's that got to do with what we're talking about? 

Trump: I want to see if your loyal to your beloved president.

Dave: I thought you were going to be giving advise on harassing women today.

Trump: I am. If your famous you can do whatever you want with them. I also recommend rating them on a 1-10 scale so men don't waste their time on skanks!

Dave: That's it! I thought you were trying to help women. I was giving my readers a chance to see how you changed your ways. It's obvious you have no respect for women.

Trump: Whoever said that I did? You can tell your readers to kiss my ass if they don't like it. My base does, and that's all that matters. Guards! Take this guy away and put him on a work crew building my wall!

End of interview...

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Friday, April 5, 2019

What People-On-The Street Are Saying Today About Wind Power

                                         Good Day World!

I've got my morning cup of coffee in a to-go cup because it's  time to hear from People-On-The-Street (a new feature for this blog). In other words, let's see what the average American has to say about the subject for the day.

Today's subject is Wind Power:

Dave: Good morning sir! What do you think about clean alternative power sources? Like wind for example.

Man with MAGA hat: Windmills are horrible! Did you know they cause cancer?

Dave: Actually,that's not true. There's no scientific evidence that shows such a link exists. Where did you hear that?

Man with MAGA hat: Right from the top. President Donald Trump. Make American Great Again!

Dave: Thank you sir...
Hello, miss! Do you have a moment?

Woman: Yes.

Dave: What do you think about wind power as a viable energy source?

Woman: Unlike our creep-in-command, I think it's a great alternative. Did you hear Trump claimed windmills caused cancer? That asshole wants to take us back to medieval times using wood and coal for heat.

Dave: Yes, I did. Thank you for your time.
Excuse me you have a moment?

Man: Depends. What do you want?

Dave: I'll be quick. Just one question.
Do you think wind power has promise?

Man: Listen...anything is better than coal and nuclear power plants. If someone figured out a way to get alternative power from trash, I'd be all for it.

Dave: Then you'll be happy to hear there are waste-to-energy technologies being explored as we speak. Thank you for your time.
Excuse me miss...may I ask you a question this morning?

Woman: Sure. But I ain't got a lot of time, the mission serves breakfast until 10 a.m. After that, I'm shit out of luck.

Dave: I'll be brief. Do you think wind parks are a good energy source for the future?

Woman: What the hell are wind parks? If I'd of known you was crazy, I wouldn't have stopped. I'm out of here...

Memo: GE Bets On Offshore Wind As Fossil Fuels Stumble

That concludes my interviews for today. Look for future People-On-The-Street interviews.

Have a subject you'd like to see brought up? Contact me via this blog, or at twitter@AsItStands63 

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Thursday, April 4, 2019

Survival Guide: How To Get Through 19 Months of Bullshit

                                          Good Day World!

Until Americans go to the polls in November 2020 to elect a new president, there's going to be a virtual avalanche of campaign bullshit besieging the country.

That's on top of the usual crap that happens daily like dealing with white nationalists, domestic terrorists, an assault on every one's intelligence coming from the White House, the immigration problem on the southern border, NRA lobbyists stifling gun safety laws, homophobia, and racism.

Survival Guide instructions:

How to filter out the campaign crud...

1. Every time you see someone running for the presidency change the channel, the radio station, or turn the page. Simple and effective.

2. Invent a bullshit meter to use during campaign debates. This may be difficult, but think of the rewards! A red light and the amplified sound of a fart would go off every time the speaker lied. Now that's entertainment.

3. Take an extended world tour and return days before the polls open to vote. I realize not everyone can afford this option. The next option is to hole up in your home in front of your TV and watch National Geographic and the Travel Channel for the next 19 months.

If you have any other ideas for this Survival Guide please don't hesitate to share here. It's still open to other options. 

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Wednesday, April 3, 2019

New Book Review: Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump

                                          Good Day World!

Former Sports Illustrated writer Rick Reilly really teed off on Trump in his new book: Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump.

Reilly's investigation into Trump's golf habits is a revealing look at a man who has to win at all costs - even if it means cheating.

The author gives dozens of first-hand accounts of underhanded golf behavior by Trump. In one example Trump didn't account for two balls he hit in the water while playing with Tiger Woods and Dustin Johnson in 2017.

Reilly points out that golf is a game of honor in which individual players act as their own referees, keeping scores and assessing themselves penalties for rule violations.

Trump's cheating was one of the factors that motivated Reilly to write the book.

Reilly quotes players who accuse Trump, his caddie and Secret Service agents of regularly moving his balls out of difficult lies.

In another example, Reilly mentions that while playing at Winged Foot Golf Club in New York the caddies got so used to seeing him kick his ball back on the fairway they came up with a nickname for him: 'Pele,'" the international soccer star from Brazil.

Sports announcer Mike Tirico says Trump once threw his golf ball off the green into a nearby bunker when they played together.
Some of the allegations aren't new.
Boxer Oscar De La Hoya told The AP in 2016 that Trump cheated against him twice in the space of two holes. "Yes, I caught him," De La Hoya said. "It was unbelievable. But I guess it was his course, so it was his rules."
Bryan Marsal, the chair of the 2020 U.S. Open to be played at Winged Foot, told Reilly that Trump began one game with him as a partner by warning: "You see those two guys? They cheat. See me? I cheat. And I expect you to cheat because we're going to beat those two guys today."

Reilly's biggest incentive to undertake the project was because of Trump's "whopper" — repeated over the course of his election campaign and in the White House — that he won 18 club championships.
Reilly could not corroborate a single Trump victory in a club championship, and found the president's tally includes at least one in which Trump never played on the course that day, another in which he counted the inaugural round at a yet-to-be-opened club, and 12 that were "actually senior or super senior club championships."
After reading this book you'll come away with more insight into Trump's world and his obsession of winning at all costs. It's not a pretty picture, but it does present an insight into Trump's twisted little mind.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, April 2, 2019

No More Avocados, Limes, or Tequila? Oh, Hell No!

Good Day World!

Closing the southern border may be the most stupid and destructive idea that Trump has come up with yet.

You couldn’t pick a worse time of year because Mexico supplies virtually 100% of the avocados in the US right now. Nearly 40 percent of our fruit - like limes - are imported from Mexico.

American consumers who enjoyed avocados and other fruits will be out of luck in three weeks if Trump gets his way. That's all it would take to cause chaos in this country.

As we all know, our liar in chief is a master at creating chaos through the use of fear and overt racism. Because Trump is as dumb as a rock he doesn't seek real resolutions to problems.

Instead he keeps returning to his bully boy tactics that served him well before he stole the Oval Office with a little help from his Russian friends. (More on that if the Mueller report is ever revealed)

As if that is'nt bad enough, one of America's favorite alcoholic drinks is tequila. Closed border. No tequila.

If idiot boy follows through with his threat, the trade lost between the US and Mexico will be $1.7 billion dollars daily. Not too mention it would threaten five million America jobs.

This is one tantrum that I don't think the public will tolerate.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, April 1, 2019

A Day In a Typical American Classroom: Defining Exoneration

                                         Good Day World!

I thought it might be fun to look into a typical American elementary school classroom today.

Teacher : Good morning, boys and girls!

Class: Good morning Mr. Smith!

Teacher: Let's get right down to the English homework I gave you yesterday. Please turn in your list of 10 words with their definitions. That's it. Pass your papers up to the front row.

Good! Now for the promised quiz. Mary...define Philosophy and use it in a sentence.

Mary: "It's the study of the fundamental nature of knowledge, reality, and existence, especially when considered as an academic discipline.

"Plato was a skilled orator and writer who specialized in Philosophy."

Teacher: Very good! Now it's your turn Johnny... define Exonerated.

Johnny: To absolve someone from blame for a fault or wrongdoing, especially after due consideration of the case.

"President Donald Trump was exonerated by the Mueller report."

The teacher pauses for a moment before speaking.

"You got the definition right Johnny. But your sentence was inaccurate (albeit grammatically correct). Mueller's report did not exonerate him from obstruction of justice."

"But the president said it did!

Teacher: "How old are you Johnny?"

Johnny: "I'm ten, but I'll be eleven in two months."

Teacher: "I'm glad you're sitting. I hate to break this to you, I thought everyone knew, that the president lies like a rug!"

Class dismissed.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Courts Thwart Trump, Just Say No Joe, Waiting to Exhale

Good Day World!

Once again our liar in chief has been rebutted in court in another attempt to undermine the Affordable Care Act last week.

In another case entirely, the federal courts told Trump to keep his tiny paws off an Alaska Wildlife refuge. 

Say It Ain't So Joe!

Joe Biden is considered among the top three Democratic candidates (as of this post). He's been talking like a presidential candidate, walking like one, and traveling around the country speaking to people like one.

But, Joe has not officially announced he's running. 

Nor should he, in my opinion. Reasons why: 

1) His role as chairman of the House committee that racked Anita Hill over the coals after she spoke out against then-supreme court candidate,Clarence Thomas, doesn't play well in an era where women are fighting to be treated as equals.

2) This isn't going away: A former Nevada state assemblywoman, Lucy Flores, accused Joe of making her feel "uneasy, gross, and confused" in 2014 at a campaign event where she says he kissed her on the back of her head.

3) An old white man isn't what the Democratic party is looking for. Let's face it, Joe isn't exactly a dynamic figure. 

Moving on:

Still waiting to exhale. The Mueller report came out - let me clarify that - a 4-page political conclusion was made by Trump puppet AG William Barr.

The country is still waiting to see what Mueller said. 

Especially in regard to obstructing justice. Mueller reported he couldn't make a conclusion, but did say Trump WAS NOT exonerated of the charge. He left it up to Barr.

Oddly, obstruction of justice was the primary reason for the investigation. So, why didn't Mueller give a conclusion? 

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Blog Break Until Presidential Election is Over

I finally hit the wall today. I can't think of what to say about all of the madness going on in this country right now. I'm a writer...