Researchers Gone Wild

Because scientists 

have to get an alphabet of scholastic degrees the general public assumes they know what they're doing when they make discoveries that would/could benefit mankind.

I'm here today to explore what really happens (in all too many cases) in labs - usually funded by grants - where millions go toward such important breakthroughs like teaching Panda bears how to play the drums. See new product, Panda Drums for relaxation. No, really. It's a popular product for Zen devotees.

The following are real studies that have zero benefits for humans and are just plain wild and crazy.

* High flying lunacy: researchers have been studying the ability of pigeons to create art, and the potential for pigeons to be used as artists.

One of my favorites...

* There's been a year's long study that has explored whether woodpeckers experience headaches due to the rapid impact of their beaks on wood.

* Dog fleas vs. Cat fleas: Someone got paid to find out which type of flea can jump higher.

* Spiderman and adhesives: in yet another mind-bending study researchers looked into the feasibility of a human doing what Spiderman does best - wall-climbing. To their dismay they concluded it would be impractical to have adhesive feet.

* Mosquitoes and cheese: the burning question of what type of cheeses mosquitos prefer has yet to be solved as researchers continue to probe mosquitos eating habits.

When it comes to research no topic is safe as students explore and write scholarly papers that would make the rest of us less scholarly types laugh at their absurdity.

Here's an example: in 2012 a student at King's College in London, Rachel Patterson, endeavored to find out if Unicorns were real. Her paper was titled, "The Possibility of Unicorns: Kripke v Dummett," an analysis of two unicorn theorists." The conclusion that there might be unicorns, was less than satisfying. To date I classify unicorns with Big Foot and Yeti.

Big Breakthrough?

A team of psychologists from Plymouth University and Queensland University of Technology have determined, after many hours of Tetris, that the game can become addicting and distract users from doing other stuff for a while like eating, drinking and having sex. 

The question is how did they manage to finish the study?

Here's Five Funny Research Topics to Choose From

1. How to survive in a society of selfish people?

2. Art of theft: unveiling the subtleties and techniques.

3. The origin of silly laws and their importance.

4.Creative approaches to deal with fake news.

5. LOL or BWL: the psychology of internet acronyms.

As it Stands, I've always been curious just how stupid some studies are that manage to get financed by scholarly institutions. Makes me wonder what I'm missing.

A Day Without Trump

What would it be like having a day without Trump in it?

For starters our judicial system wouldn't have to hear any cases involving Trump.

Judges across the country would take a sigh of relief not to have Trump targeting them for impeachment because they won't break laws for him.

Law firms would be free to represent whoever they chose without the threat of having Trump take away all access from federal buildings or bringing federal cases to court. 

It would be a day free of holding lawyers' ransom because they opposed Trump's views on the constitution, or they committed the cardinal sin of representing clients suing Trump in the past for trying to commit a coup.

Federal employees would get relief from dealing with DOGE's Gestapo unit storming through their offices and demanding personal loyalty pledges verified by a lie detector test. 

A whole day of not worrying about if they're going to get fired or laid off.  

Senior citizens would enjoy 24-hours of peace of mind about their Social Security and 401 Ks. Their concern about healthcare benefits being eliminated would vanish during that special day.

Legal immigrants would not have to worry about being swept away by Trump stormtroopers ignoring the laws of the land and illegally deporting them to hell on earth - a Salvadorian maximum-security prison - where a dictator rules and who just happens to be Trump's buddy.

The mainstream media would be able to report the news without fear of Trump going after them because they reported on one of his many crimes against American democracy. Newspaper editors wouldn't have to hold stories or opinion pieces because of fear of being fired by a cowardly publisher in Trump's back pocket. They would be no Trump to fear on that fateful day. 

Scientists and researchers would not be minimalized by Trump directing his flying monkeys (science deniers) to challenge facts and vaccines.

People of color would be treated with respect and their culture would be celebrated instead of being reviled by the Trump regime. Americans wouldn't arbitrarily be hunted down because they were black, Asian, or brown. 

A day without Trump would be a blessing where reality would hold sway instead of being challenged by lies and misinformation every day. For 1440 minutes the chaos in this country would subside and everyone would exhale and chill out. For 86,400 seconds the hate factor being nourished by Trump would diminish and people would get along better.

My inspiration for this post was a movie I saw years ago - A Day without Mexicans - which cleverly showed how much the United States needs them.

As it Stands, I think it goes without saying life for Americans would be a lot easier if we didn't have Trump seizing our democracy and turning our country into an autocracy.