The 98th Academy Awards are being held on Sunday, March 15th, 2026, at 4:00 pm eastern time and 7:00 in the west.
Conan O'Brian will be the host for a second consecutive time.
That gives me time to submit my candidates for Oscar performances. Don't worry, I'm not listing entries for all 24 categories. I'm just picking the most popular ones.
BEST ACTOR in a Leading Role
J.D. Vance for his riveting performance of an American vice president who is secretly in love with his couch.
BEST ACTRESS in a Leading Role
Pam Bondi for her dramatic performance as an Attorney General willing to lie for Trump and help conceal the Epstein files to make America Great Again despite pressure from evil democrats.
BEST ACTOR in a Supporting Role
Marco Rubio. He's been supporting everything Trump utters and has been willing to be insulted by him in public gatherings.
BEST ACTRESS in a Supporting Role
Lauren Boebert's impromptu performance at the musical Beetlejuice qualifies her because she was vaping, taking selfies, and singing along with the musical as she jacked-off her boyfriend.
BEST ANIMATED Feature Film
Trump's AI Video of dropping poop on protestors during the last NO KINGs Day event was sickening but the graphics were extraordinary.
BEST PICTURE
Trump and Epstein's private island adventure documentary featuring underage girls.
BEST DIRECTOR
Stephen Miller directs immigration and a slew of other shady suggestions that his boss eagerly eats up daily. He's been called the shadow president because of the influence he exerts on Trump.
BEST MAKEUP and HAIRSTYLING
A tie between Trump and J.D. Vance. Trump's flamboyant "squirrel's nest" hairdo and foundation makeup on his hands and neck were striking. Vance's use of dark Maybelline eyeliner and mascara set off his soulless eyes.
BEST COSTUME DESIGN
Kristi Noem was still eligible to enter despite being fired from her job. Her $220 million dollar ad campaign featured her in several costumes, from cowgirl to ICE agent.
Academy Honorary Awards
Mike Johnson for being the biggest coward and liar in The House of Representatives while pretending to be a Christian.
John Ratcliff. As CIA Director he's managed to scuttle around the White House without disturbing the big baby in the Oval Office while accomplishing nothing. One of the judges also thought Ratcliff should have extra recognition for being a mime.
As it Stands, I hope you enjoyed this moment of levity.