Human speech is directly responsible for almost every thought and emotion we have throughout life's journey. The complexity of language and the complex messages we use it to communicate leave the possibilities wide open for just about anything. Among other things, people can say things that are funny. We pay good money to see comedians say funny things, and a lot of them come through. But due to the nature of the human comic sense, the deliberateness of a comedian can dilute the potential for humor.The humor here is, for the most part, unrehearsed and unintentional:
Accident Reports - Accident insurance claim forms ask for a brief statement about how the accident happened. The combination of the finger pointing instinct and the small spaces provided on the forms can lead to some curiously phrased explanations:
- "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."
- "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."
- "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."
- "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."
- "I thought my window was down; but found it was up when I put my hand through it."
- "No one was to blame for the accident, but it never would have happened if the other driver had been alert."
- "The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him."
- "I saw the slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car."
- "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."
- "I was taking my canary to the hospital. It got loose in the car and flew out the window. The next thing I saw was his rear end, and there was a crash."
- "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner when it was struck by the other car in the same place where it had been struck several times before."
- "The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."
More Slips and Gaffes -
- Excuse Letters -- Letters from parents to teachers, excusing their children from school.
- Courtroom Quotations -- Lawyers take ridiculous steps to be thorough.
- Resume Quotations -- Unwise statements made on resumes and cover letters.
- Patient Charts -- Doctors' remarks on patient charts.
- Church Bulletins -- Unfortunately phrased announcements in church bulletins.
- Classified Ads -- Classified ads that don't necessarily say what they were intended to.
- News Reports -- Newspapers, radio, and television garble news reports.
- Restaurants -- Blundered lines, signs, and menus at restaurants.
- Spoonerisms -- Quotes with words with sitched swounds.
- Words Without Thought -- Bungling the English language.
- The Language Barrier -- When learning English, sometimes being close is still very far away.
- Fortune Cookies -- Bizarre lines taken from actual fortune cookies.
Things Kids Say -
- Kids' Ideas About Love -- 5 to 10 year olds expound on love and marriage.
- Kids' Ideas About Science -- 5th and 6th graders illustrate scientific principles for the layman.
- Kid Quotes -- Young children make hilarious observations.
- Exams and Papers -- 7th through 12th graders give creative wrong answers to exams.
- Classroom Discussion -- Quotes from college kids, spoken during classroom discussions.
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