Saturday, March 31, 2012


                  Good Day Humboldt County!

Was there a particular time in your life when smart ass answers seemed to flow from your mouth with no effort? Inspired gems that left others speechless. I’ve found the best smart ass answers come from teenagers. It seems to be a universal gift they enjoy from 13 to 19 years old.

I was nineteen when I was in Vietnam in 1970. Whenever when one of the “Lifers” got mad at me, threatening some vague retribution, I was always quick with my stock smart ass reply, “What are you going to do to me? Send me to Vietnam?” It always got a laugh from the guys in my squad, and pissed off my tormentors. What could they say? Well okay, sometimes they sent me back to the bush early, which happened about fifty percent of the time.

Then we have people who continue to cultivate their smart ass answers as they grow older. Sometimes they’re even funny. I’ve got six quick examples (below) for your consideration. Feel free to comment on the one you think is funniest:

It was mealtime during an airline flight.  
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  
'What are my choices?'  John asked.  
'Yes or no,' she replied.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'!!!!!!!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

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