Saturday, August 3, 2019

'Mr. Wizard' Can Cure AIDS and Childhood Cancer... If You Vote For Him

Good Day World!

A 4th grade class somewhere in the Rust Belt:

Teacher: "Good morning children, I have good news for you!"

Class: Yeahhh!!

Teacher: "Mr. Wizard" is going to be performing miracles again as soon as he's re-elected next November.

Joey: "What's that got to do with us right now? 

Teacher: "Keep your trap shut long enough for me to tell you Joey. Mr. Wizard is going to cure childhood cancer, that's what."

Mary: "Scientists have been researching childhood cancer for over 20 years. Unless Mr. Wizard has a team of scientists with the cure hidden somewhere waiting for him to be re-elected, I highly doubt his claim of a major breakthrough is possible."

Teacher: "Why do you think patriotic Americans call him Mr. Wizard? He can do anything."

Billy: "Not everyone calls him Mr. Wizard. My dad and his friends call him a con man and a moron."

Teacher (ignoring student's comment): "... and that's not all, Mr. Wizard is also going to cure AIDS!"

Mary: "According to researchers there is no cure for AIDS, but some medications are extending lives. Scientists hope to find a cure, but they're not there yet...

Teacher (interrupting student):"...Like I said, if your parents vote for Mr. Wizard, he can make anything happen.
With the exception of Joey, Mary, and Billy, class is dismissed.

Class exits.

Teacher: "As for you three, I'm assigning you to read one of Mr. Wizards books, The Art of the Fool. I want a 500-word essay on why this is one of the greatest books ever written in Western Literature."

And the fanciful lies march on...

Time for me to walk on down the road...

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