It was two days of infamy for Cadet Bonespurs.
Here's exclusive after-action reports by the Secret Service after protestors showed up outside The White House.
"We knew something was wrong when Trump shit his diaper hours ahead of his scheduled potty time. Looking out the window, the Commander-in-Chief was babbling at a gathering crowd of protestors outside on Pennsylvania avenue.
Agent Orville reported the president's eyes looked like two fried eggs and his tiny mouth was gaping open in primordial fear. I signaled Agent Lonny that it was time to take Trump down to the hidden bunker below the Oval office.
Agent Lonny and Orville escorted him to the presidential bunker - which had been recently remodeled with gold trimmings and a wall full of TV screens.
I witnessed the leader of the free world slowly regain his swag until he was walking around the plush bunker like the cock of the walk.
Then he got on Twitter and the threats started. From there, Trump called the nation's governors and called them a bunch of pussies for not using the National Guard to slaughter protestors.
An hour later, the president left the bunker on a carriage pulled by two Republican senators, Mitch McConnell and Mike Pence."
End of shift. -Bob
The job got a little harder after Trump decided he wanted to go for a short walk to get a photo op at an old church near the White House. I stayed in contact with other teams as Trump turned the military against peaceful protestors in a show of power that was more like a presidential pout.
**Here in Medford we had a few dozen morons trying to block cars downtown for no good reason. It was obvious they were bored students because most have never seen a black person in southern Oregon.