Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Are you physically challenged and could use some help? Get a service aardvark

While watching a seeing-eye horse with it’s legally blind rider shopping in a grocery store on CNN the other day I had an epiphany.

Seeing-eye, or service animals, have expanded from dogs, monkeys, and cats, to just about any animal a disabled person feels comfortable with.

I think that’s really cool. Why put limits on what kind of helper a person needs?

I’ve been thinking about getting a part-time service aardvark to eliminate those tiny black ants that show up around the house in Spring. Are you afraid of snakes? Then I suggest a service mongoose. They like to tangle with snakes and you can give them clever names like, Ricki Ticky Taffy.

Physically challenged plumbers could get service anacondas who could clean out clogged drains (no more need for hand-held devices) without the use of toxic chemicals. There’s a lot of people who suffer from short term memory loss that could use service elephants trained to read sign language and to remember whatever is important to the mentally challenged person. They are more expensive than a recording device, but they make a hell of a lot better companion.

Service squirrels could be trained to find acorns and nuts to bring to their new master, who could store them for a rainy day. Speaking of rainy days, service ducks could run your small errands during rainy weather, and in hard times, are tasty if cooked right!
For those disabled people who live near swamps, I would recommend a service alligator to navigate their boat through the murky waters. Beavers can be the perfect service animal, if you have a wood-burning stove and need a constant supply of wood.

To reach those high places in your home and the store, there’s a service giraffe out there for you somewhere. Are you having trouble making your way through large crowds because of limited sight? Then you need a service rhinoceros (who can’t see any better than you) but who easily carves a path through a large crowd.

Just think what a great service animal a parrot would be. I just read a story about a parrot who saved a little girl’s life, by squawking up a storm and alerting her mother who preformed the Heimlich maneuver on the choking child. It’s easy to see that a service parrot could save your life, and also keep you entertained by repeating words you teach it.

Do you have a phobia about insects because you can barely see them, but you know it when they crawl across your toe? A hedgehog could be of service to you, as they enjoy eating just about any kind of insect that you may have in your house. The only thing is, you have to be real careful when you pet them!

As It Stands, there’s a special animal out there just for you, if you need a little help nowadays.

aardvark photo via Google images      

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree with all except the duck!! You sir, are an animal!! Tasty indeed!!
Although they would be interesting to use as a mobility service animal for the visually impaired, except near large bodies of water.

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