Santa's List of Whose Been Naughty or Nice Released Same Day as Trump's Taxes

People are calling it a holiday miracle.

Trump's taxes being revealed to the public prior to Christmas Day. What a yuletide gift for the nation.

Guess what? Santa Claus timed the release of his naughty or nice list to coincide with the release of Trump's long-hidden taxes.

Whose Been Naughty? 

Trump tops the list in a landslide. His company has been charged with numerous felonies and convicted in a New York court. And that's just for starters.

He's being investigated for state and federal charges ranging from trying to steal the 2020 election to conspiracy against the country. Santa plans on filling his Christmas stocking with multiple subpoenas.

Next

Marjorie Taylor Greene's racist and antisemite rantings and conspiracy theories have earned her second place on the naughty list. 

Santa (who by the way has a sense of humor) is going to stuff her stocking with a multi-speed vibrator, butt cream, and scented butt plugs.

Next

Political jellyfish Kevin McCarthy has pledged his loyalty to Trump and to polluting The House of Representatives with phony investigations and conspiracy theories.

Santa is stuffing his stocking with subpoenas, and a magazine subscription to Coward's Digest.

The Nice List

Dr. Anthony Fauci's advice during the pandemic saved millions of lives. Santa is putting a lifetime free pass to his North Pole home in his stocking.

Next

President Joe Biden has done more to help the American people by passing historic legislations in the last couple of years than any other president prior to him.

Santa is going to fill his stocking with irrefutable evidence of criminal corruption on all of the members of the GOP's so-called Freedom Caucus.

Next

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky has successfully led his nation against Russia's invasion though masterful statesmanship and sheer grit. 

Santa is stuffing his stocking with pledges of economic and military support from leaders around the world led by the United States of America in the name of freedom and democracy.

As it stands, as a kid I believed in Santa's List of Good and Bad little boys and girls up until I was about six years old when I discovered it was bullshit.

Burrowing in for Christmas at Mar a Lardo

Trump minions have been reporting that The Donald has been storing up supplies for Christmas... and beyond.

One of the special deliveries (photo left) was a hefty supply of Ketchup for all occasions.

The main banquet room in Mar a Lardo has been transformed into a dystopian Christmas scene in anticipation of the whole crime family gathering for Christmas Day.

The decorating theme this season is "Christmas is about Me" (just like every year) with festive napkins of a naked Trump lunging across a city skyline with the caption "I Alone Can Save You." 

A group of spineless Republicans plan to have a special MAGA Christmas award for His Orangeness.

The award was named after top brown-noses in the party agreed it was perfect call... 

The Purple Bone Spur award.

There are contests and game show simulations planned for the entire crime family and their friends on a very MAGA Christmas Day.

The host for the yuletide gameshow celebration - Which Crime Is It? -  will (of course!) be Don the Con himself.

Because the whole day was Trump centric it needed a good closing act.

Wearing nothing but a Mankini Trump will show his bigly pole dancing skills while "You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch" blares through the room of stunned guests and family members.

By all accounts Trump plans on barricading in Mar a Lardo while the shitstorm of indictments begins to come in next year. Hence the ketchup stash.

Christmas Day will be particularly poignant for Trump and his Capo kids because next Christmas they may be celebrating behind bars!

As it stands, rumors are that special counsel Jack Smith has a New Year surprise for Trump. I wonder what it could possibly be?

Grinch/Trump Plan to Steal Xmas Explodes After Congress Sends 4 Criminal Referrals to the DOJ Over Trump's Coup Attempts

It's been a holiday tradition since 2017 when Trump and the Grinch got together in the Oval Office and plotted to steal Christmas.

The Grinch needed motivation for his mission after failing to steal Christmas for years. White House staffers still talk about how festive the two looked in orange and green while chomping down on McDonald Quarter-Pounders and plotting to deprive children of Christmas gifts.

It was the first time the Grinch had ever met someone meaner than him and he was impressed. But after a few years and no success he was becoming disillusioned and wondered if he had hooked up with a loser.  

Their partnership lasted until December 19 just before Christmas this year when Trump's coup attempts were referred by Congress to the Department of Justice for criminal prosecution.

Sensing the referral was going to bring immediate unwanted heat on any attempt to steal Christmas this season the Grinch decided his green hide needed to distance itself from the former twice impeached president.

The one thing the Grinch didn't want to happen was to be associated with a world class loser who got caught. He may have failed in numerous attempts, but he was never charged with crimes. 

So, a disappointed Grinch went back to his mountaintop cave and began planning next year's attempt to steal Christmas. 

Meanwhile Trump holed up at his Mar-a-Lago retreat in Florida and continued trying to overthrow the 2020 election.

His response to the referral, according to inside sources, was uglier than anything they'd seen him do yet!

His diaper got so full it exploded and sent feces all around his fake Presidential Office! Combined with two years of ketchup stains on the walls the room looked like the entrance to hell. 

His minions had to wear ear plugs to protect them from Trump's frenzied shrieks and conspiratorial rants when he was given the news.

Authorities alerted Santa Claus to be diligent for any signs of the Grinch despite rumors he fled to his mountaintop cave after splitting with Trump.

As it stands, I hope you find things to laugh about during this holiday season, no matter how silly they are.

Here's a Last-Minute Christmas Gift Guide for the Republicans in Your Life

So, you waited until days before Christmas to get that Republican in your life a gift ... and you still don't have any idea what to get them.

Don't panic.

First off you need to identify which wing of the Republican party your family member, friend, and people you work with belong too. 

There's the wacko wing featuring twice impeached former president Trump and minions, and there's the traditional conservative's wing.

Easy ways to spot which wing they belong too:

-- Trump wingers wear red caps with MAGA on them, and love to cosplay and dress up in red-white-and blue foolery emblazoned with Trump's mug.

-- The conservative wing dresses normally and avoids looking like clowns.

Listen carefully to their words

-- When every other word is a lie, and they seek to warp reality with conspiracies you know they are in the Trump Wing.

--The Conservative Wing has their share of liars, but they can tell fact from fiction... even though they may do it reluctantly. 

Gift Guide ideas for the Trump Wing

--A month's supply of COVID-19 busters hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin.

--Trump's Coffee Table book that features lots of bigly photos and very little words.

--A booklet of Grift Tickets giving the bearer an inside track on Trump's next grift.

--Stocking stuffers like miniature Trump Golden Idol earrings and cans of orange face makeup.

Gift Guide for the Conservative Wing

--Gift certificates for a free spinal implant.

--Plaques with inspirational messages by Newt Gingrich, Richard Nixon, and Joseph McCarthy.

--A subscription to The Good Old Days monthly magazine featuring stories about how Asians, Blacks and Hispanics knew their place in life.

--A copy of Adam Kinzinger's biography. 

I know it's a short list but it's the best I could do in a limited time. 

As it stands, peace on earth and may the Republican party go back to the days before Trump when they were just idiots and not seditionists.

Color Me Unconvinced: Pentagon Claims there's Been No Alien Visits to Earth

Who does the Pentagon think their fooling claiming there's never been an alien visitation or alien crashes on Earth?

Not me.

Anyone with any sense of history knows there's been thousands of reports of anomalous, unidentified objects - whether they are in space, the skies or even underwater as far back as ancient times. 

Historians studying ancient civilizations still don't know how they created colossal monuments, buildings, and other engineering feats that couldn't be replicated today. In all the cases technology unknown to mankind at the time was used.

Back to the Present

What we know,

-- The Pentagon's latest investigation into reports of UFOs have turned up zilch.

-- Senior military leaders are assuring Americans that "...there's nothing there but don't worry. We'll keep looking."

-------------------------------------------------------

Quick Poll: 

Do you believe everything the Pentagon says is the truth? YES/NO

Or are you suspicious that the Pentagon is feeding us Poo Poo! as Nancy Pelosi once put it so eloquently. YES? NO

________________________________

-- The Pentagon's newly formed All-Domaine Anomaly Resolution Office (AARO) is supposed to be an upgrade from the former UFO Office.

If that were true, why haven't they found even one report that turned out to be true yet? 

They surely had all the UFO files going back years to the late 1940s. Right? Just how hard are they looking?

One thing the Pentagon wanted was granted by legislation this week and will be signed by President Biden soon. The funding for another fruitless search to look at the historical record of the U.S. government related to UFOs going back to 1945.

The director of AARO, Sean Kirkpatrick gushed about how this new report is going to be quite a research project, the other day.

Unfortunately, I wasn't in the press corps assembled to hear Kirkpatrick's flowery visions for the project. 

If I was, I would have asked him how going over the same history of reports of sightings already examined for decades is going to produce stunning new revelations about whether aliens exist and justify using billions of taxpayer dollars in the effort?

I probably would have been escorted out by two AARO MPs for my perceived attempt to rain on their parade.

As it stands, as a Boomer and Vietnam veteran I will always question government agencies because most have a track record of lying.  

Exploring the Book of Idiots

                 Let it be known to all:

From the GOP Bible's Book of Idiots

Chapter: 1:2

"And Trump descended from the polluted clouds to bring the people hope by selling NFT Cards for a bargain price of $99 each."

Chapter: 8-31

"What, then, shall we say in response to liberal evil? If Trump is for us, who can be against us?"

Chapter 40:10

Trump Disciple Steve Bannon looked at the crowd of Trump acolytes and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with Trump. For all things are possible with Trump."

Chapter 44: 23

"Therefore, my beloved minions, be steadfast, immoveable, and always obeying the Lord Trump, and your labors will not be in vain."

Chapter 52:14

"Trust in Trump with all your heart and ignore reality and he will bless you for the rest of your days."

Chapter 69: 45

"For I have plans for you all declared Trump, 'Plans to give you the dystopian world you so crave."

Chapter 74:19

"As a MAGA mother comforts her white child, so will Lord Trump comfort you."

Chapter 81-35

"All scripture is inspired by Trump and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training Maggots so they can go forth and pollute governments."

Chapter 91-57

"But first seek Trump Tower to get your marching orders from Trump himself."

 Chapter 94-13

"Keep your lives free and give me your money and be content with what you have," sayth the blessed grifter your Lord Trump."

Chapter 99:68

"He was impeached for protecting you; he was attacked by rabid liberals so that you could spread lies like flies."

Chapter 102: 89

And Trump spoke to the masses, "Very truly I tell you, whoever believes my words are good sheep and will eternally dwell at one of my golf courses." 

As it stands, coming soon a new Republican board game, "Psychos in the House!"

Trump's Shameless Bigly Announcement Sparks Mockery and Laughter on the Internet

You can't shame Trump.

It's impossible.

In his world he's a superhero.

To prove it he's come up with a new grift. 

The official Donald Trump Digital Trading Card collection featuring him in a superhero costume, cape and "True Champion" belt.

Trump's much touted announcement hit the internet today - via his ironically named Truth Social platform - and made a big splash. Basically, it turned out to be a big belly flop that social media platforms are joyously exploiting for their followers as you read this.

Speculation Has Been Rampant

Social media users thought Trump might announce a bid to be speaker of the House. (I think I hear a Koko Bird clock chiming) 

Yesterday, Mike Sington tweeted,

"Donald Trump making a "major announcement" tomorrow. Unless it's "I'm guilty and turning myself in" no one cares.

                   Just wait. It gets better.

"Donald Trump's major announcement is that he's selling his own Pokemon cards." 

-Santiago Mayer, executive director of Voters Tomorrow.

"This is somehow hilariously dumber than even I had expected."

Ginger Gibson, senior Washington editor for NBC Digital wrote.

One twitter user noted that the stupidest part of Trump's NFT cards con, is his fans can screenshot them for free!

Pardon me for a moment until I can stop laughing!

We're talking about a former president of the United States selling Digital cards ($99 per card) because he needs money to pay his legion of lawyers in multiple court cases.

It was really amusing watching two Faux News hosts try to explain away the sheer stupidity of the stunt, attributing it to his sense of humor(!) and marketing genius.

The former president probably would say there's nothing humorous about his great announcement while shilling a product he claims will become more collectible than baseball cards!

To think there are some maroons who will buy these Digital cards with the twice-impeached former president decked out in superhero costumes, is sad.

Like I said, Trump is shameless.

As it stands, I suspect Trump was the first person to try and sell the Brooklyn Bridge. 

A Seasonal Miracle: Hate Takes a Holiday

Imagine a major miracle happening this season where love triumphs over hate. 

Where haters would find themselves celebrating their holidays in hell when love breaks out in the rest of the country like flower blossoms in the spring.

The spirit of Christmas would light the way like never before and strangers would be greeting one another with joyous wishes for the holidays without fear.

Right-wing militias would disband and disarm.

Alt-right activists would either repent their evil ways and renounce their hateful ideologies, or they would spend their days in hell shoveling shit.

Social media platforms would clean up their acts and refuse to let hateful and seditious dialogue appear on their sites.

Liars would lose their voices.

Conspiracist lawmakers would resign from Congress and get the mental health help they desperately need.

White supremacists' skin tones would change from white to black or brown giving them a new world view.

Traitors would convert to real patriots.

The rest of the world could take us off the Dangerous To Travel to list.

It would be safe to go to public events without fear of being attacked by a crazy person(s) with an assault rifle.

A seasonal miracle we'd all like to see.

As it stands, 'Tis the season to believe in miracles and worldwide Peace.  

A Primer of Christmas Fantasies Previewed

Can you see it in your mind - a sleigh being pulled by Santa Claus's reindeers dashing across the horizon?

How about Frosty the Snowman fronting for Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream by passing out free samples to good little boys and girls?

Moving on

Christmas itself is a fantasy on a large scale where parents and children conspire to suspend reality for the holiday.

One of my favorite holiday fantasies is the song Happy Xmas (War is Over) coming true worldwide someday. John Lennon and Yoko Ono recorded this song with the Harlem Community Choir as a war protest. A funny thing happened. It eventually became a Christmas classic.

Homey songs and stories set the stage for the holidays.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire" with a happy family gathered around a fireplace festooned with Christmas stockings.

Or funny fantasies like Rudolph the reindeer running fast on a freeway because Santa has got places to go thanks to Chuck Berry's classic Run, Rudolph, Run.

One of the most poignant Christmas fantasies is the one where a young Drummer Boy forlornly taps his message of Peace on Earth to the world on his little drum while standing in a snow-covered landscape.

If you get a chance listen to Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy by Bing Crosby and David Bowie. It was the last recording Bing made before he died.

Christmas is often cited as the most magical time of the year. 

There may be some truth to that sentiment. 

Here's a list of the 10 Most Magical Christmas Fantasy Movies.

As it stands, Christmas fantasies run the gamut from poignant to happy, but they all have one thing in common, they'll touch your heart.

A 2022 Christmas Carol

Deck the Courts

Deck the Courts with Trump indictments, Fa la la la la la la la la!

'Tis the season of treason, Fa la la la la la la la la!

Don we now Trump's prisoner apparel, Fa la la la la la la la la!

Time to bang the wooden gavel, Fa la la la la la la la!

Watch Trump's trials on TV, Fa la la la la la la la!

Hear the jurors declare Trump guilty, Fa la la la la la la la!

Fast away the old year passes, Fa la la la la la la la!

Start the new year with concurrent prison terms, lads and lasses, Fa la la la la la la la!

Deck the corridors of Congress with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la la la la la la!

'Tis the season to be jolly, Fa la la la la la la la la la

Fa la la la la la la la!

Fa la la la la la la la!

Fa la la la la la la la la la!

My apologies to the author of Deck the Halls John Ceiriog Hughs, a Welsh poet and collector of Welsh folk tunes.

As it stands, this parody poem has really gotten my holiday spirit soaring on this cold winter day.

Santa's Helper Shares People's Controversial Christmas Requests

Hi. I'm Dave and Santa asked me to share some of the things people want this Christmas. 

It's a temporary gig, but I'll do my best. Let's start off by sharing the number one request... Indict Trump for Christmas!

The next most popular request came from members of the so-called Freedom Caucus in the House.

" I want a functioning brain" the group asked in a letter written for them by a Blue Dog Democrat.

A brief note

Apparently, Trump wrote Santa (with the help of someone who could spell) and asked if he could be president again if he developed a golf course near The North Pole.

Santa forwarded the letter to Jack Smith at the DOJ.

another request 

"Dear Santa, could you arrange for me not to be indicted with the rest of the Trump Crime Family? Sincerely, Ivanka Trump

Requests from lawmakers

"Dear Santa, I would like a spine for Christmas." signed by senators Susan Collins, Lindsey Graham, and Ted Cruz.

"Dear Santa, I'd like a vacation home in Russia." Sen. Ron Johnson

"Dear Santa, would you get rid of those guys in white coats who keep showing up at my office?" Sen. John Kennedy

"Dear Santa, will you send your enforcer elves to my next-door neighbor's house and beat the crap out of him? I promise to be good and not claim I'm a medical professional anymore if you do. Sen. Rand Paul

"Dear Santa, I want two KKK uniforms embroidered with holly and Democrats hanging from trees by a noose. One for me and the other for my racist brother Tommy Tuberville. Happy holidays!" Sen. Richard Shelby

Requests from non-lawmakers

"Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a new TV show." Treavor Noah

"Listen up Santa. All I want is to be Boss of the Whole World. In return I won't send wrecking crews to the North Pole and have you banned to a desert island.  Your choice. Happy holidays! Elon Musk

"Dear Santa, would you make me funny? The only time people laugh at me is when I tell them I'm a comedian." Pete Davidson

"Dear Santa Guy, all I want for Christmas is for Russia to go home and leave us alone." Volodymyr Zelensky

"Dear Santa Claus, is there any way you could take Rand Paul's voice away and give him a serious case of COVID-19? Just asking." Dr. Fauci

As it stands, I figure there's still time to make my request which hopefully will be prioritized on Santa's List this yuletide season.