Good Day World!
The gods of capitalism are legion, and they're celebrating today.
Black Friday is the new holiday.
Worshippers line up for hours for a chance to save money, and to buy things they normally wouldn't. Fights break out in lines where people try to cut in front of each other.
Coupons are blessings arriving in mail boxes and emails.
Thrifty shoppers get into brawls over dwindling sales items. A spirit of intense competition infuses shoppers and retailers alike.
Only the strong survive in the chaos, as they clutch their purchases like rabid squirrels scurrying out into packed parking lots.
The gods become glutted with profits as people pour into stores like lemmings running towards a cliff.
Black Friday heralds a plethora of sales events where money worshippers can continue to spend funds on things they can't afford, up to the new year.
The gods of greed, envy, lust, and capitalism dress up in holiday finery for the new holiday.
Wall Street crooks, drinking 40-year old scotch, cover the walls in their offices with 100-dollar bills for the festive occasion.
Manufacturers march down the streets of every city in a celebratory parade. CEO's are seen riding golden floats and tossing out one-dollar bills to the bystanders.
It's time to acknowledge that this new holiday - Black Friday - is what America's really all about.
Time for me to walk on down the road...