Santa's Helper Shares People's Controversial Christmas Requests

Hi. I'm Dave and Santa asked me to share some of the things people want this Christmas. 

It's a temporary gig, but I'll do my best. Let's start off by sharing the number one request... Indict Trump for Christmas!

The next most popular request came from members of the so-called Freedom Caucus in the House.

" I want a functioning brain" the group asked in a letter written for them by a Blue Dog Democrat.

A brief note

Apparently, Trump wrote Santa (with the help of someone who could spell) and asked if he could be president again if he developed a golf course near The North Pole.

Santa forwarded the letter to Jack Smith at the DOJ.

another request 

"Dear Santa, could you arrange for me not to be indicted with the rest of the Trump Crime Family? Sincerely, Ivanka Trump

Requests from lawmakers

"Dear Santa, I would like a spine for Christmas." signed by senators Susan Collins, Lindsey Graham, and Ted Cruz.

"Dear Santa, I'd like a vacation home in Russia." Sen. Ron Johnson

"Dear Santa, would you get rid of those guys in white coats who keep showing up at my office?" Sen. John Kennedy

"Dear Santa, will you send your enforcer elves to my next-door neighbor's house and beat the crap out of him? I promise to be good and not claim I'm a medical professional anymore if you do. Sen. Rand Paul

"Dear Santa, I want two KKK uniforms embroidered with holly and Democrats hanging from trees by a noose. One for me and the other for my racist brother Tommy Tuberville. Happy holidays!" Sen. Richard Shelby

Requests from non-lawmakers

"Dear Santa, all I want for Christmas is a new TV show." Treavor Noah

"Listen up Santa. All I want is to be Boss of the Whole World. In return I won't send wrecking crews to the North Pole and have you banned to a desert island.  Your choice. Happy holidays! Elon Musk

"Dear Santa, would you make me funny? The only time people laugh at me is when I tell them I'm a comedian." Pete Davidson

"Dear Santa Guy, all I want for Christmas is for Russia to go home and leave us alone." Volodymyr Zelensky

"Dear Santa Claus, is there any way you could take Rand Paul's voice away and give him a serious case of COVID-19? Just asking." Dr. Fauci

As it stands, I figure there's still time to make my request which hopefully will be prioritized on Santa's List this yuletide season.