BATTLE OF THE BULGE: DAY ONE – NO PAIN, NO GAIN…

      Good Day Humboldt County!

I’ve been reading a lot of articles about how fat Americans are lately. Yes, fat. I know it’s more politically correct to say obese, but let’s face it…we’re becoming a nation of porkers! Each study I read gets more dire every year. For example:

An April 3rd article “Obesity in America: Rate Higher Than Previously Thought, BMI Unreliable”

"Roughly 30 percent of Americans are obese, but when you use other methods, closer to 60 percent are obese," Dr. Eric Braverman, lead researcher and president of the Path Foundation, a nonprofit medical research group, told HealthDay. "We call BMI the 'baloney mass index.'"

From the Center for Disease Control and Prevention:

                                                       U.S. Obesity Trends - National Obesity Trends:

“More than one-third of U.S. adults (35.7%) are obese.
Approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese.”
[Data from the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES)]

                                                        Trends by State 1985–2010

“During the past 20 years, there has been a dramatic increase in obesity in the United States and rates remain high. In 2010, no state had a prevalence of obesity less than 20%. Thirty-six states had a prevalence of 25% or more; 12 of these states (Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and West Virginia) had a prevalence of 30% or more.”

I could go on, but you have the idea. Now it’s time for the big announcement:

                The Big Announcement

My wife and I joined a health club and we’re both determined to lose weight and turn our jello-like muscles into ripped, rock-hard pythons! Well, Shirley’s not too interested in getting ripped. She’s all about getting her muscle tone back and losing a few pounds. Me too. I’m really not worried about sporting a six-pack, but any improvement would be a better look than my current man-boobs!

What I’m really excited about is there’s an indoor basketball court. I was Basketball Jones until fracturing my back in 1991, while playing in a men’s league in Palm Desert. Basketball was my favorite sports activity throughout school, while in the military, and with city teams from Cleveland, Ohio, to numerous cities in California.

Since my injury in 1991, I was barely able to play. I played in a men’s pickup league in Mack Town briefly before hanging up my sneakers. I finally had back surgery in 1995. It’s been a slow rehab. I have arthritic knees. But I have been walking for the last couple of years (with my beloved pug Millie) and it’s time for me to get serious about my rapidly deteriorating body. There’s a hot tub to soak in after I spend time on that basketball court…dribbling (and drooling) around and taking impossible shots because I have not attempted one since 1992.

Why now? Why not? My wife and I both want to be around for a while. Staying in shape should help. I figure it’s never too late to try. No pain. No gain. Stay tuned for a future post where I whine like a baby about how my much muscles hurt (or how I broke my ankle before taking my second shot at the hoop)! Meanwhile, TODAY IS DAY ONE!

Time for me to walk on down the road…    

 

There are 13 faces hidden somewhere inside in this optical illusion below. Can you find them all?

source

Free-Market Fans Encourage Rush for Off-Planet Real Estate

     Good Day Humboldt County!

 Mankind will never get tired of exploring. It’s in our DNA. What’s beyond that far planet? Or galaxy? Or universe?

 What roads lie ahead? While America is cutting back nationally on the space budget, private companies are yearning to to fill the void and to venture out and claim new worlds.

Dreams of otherworldly profits are motivating space settlement activists with a mind to explore, to claim foreign real estate. Who knows? Maybe Newt Gingrich is right and we’ll be colonizing the mood to mine it’s resources someday soon. Moon dust anyone?  (Above) Moon Colony Concept NASA/JSC -                

And in the news…

  “Getting to the moon is a noble and ambitious goal for any country, and other nations will probably follow in our footsteps here pretty soon. But private companies won’t go without the promise of profit, and until they do, space will be left unsettled, advocates say. The latest in a drumbeat of pro-colonization comes from the libertarian Competitive Enterprise Institute, which is advocating the recognition of property rights on the moon or other celestial bodies. Space settlement activist Rand Simberg says in a new white paper that the U.S. should recognize land claims off-planet, which would allow for legal land titles sort of like the former Homestead Act. Moon land titles could be used as collateral for loans, or sold to raise money to develop the lunar landscape, he argues.

“It would have great potential to kick the development of extraterrestrial resources—and perhaps even the human settlement of space—into high gear,” Simberg writes.Other experts have weighed in on this before, noting that corporations have settled new worlds in the past. Recognizing property rights in space would fly in the face of the Moon Treaty, established in 1979, which outlaws private property claims. But the U.S. is not a signatory to that treaty.

It is a signatory to the Outer Space Treaty of 1967, which prevents establishment of colonies on celestial bodies. But Simberg and others, including Alan Wasser, chairman of the Space Settlement Institute, argue that it prevents nations from doing the colonizing — not private corporations.”

Time for me to walk on down the road…

‘There is no creature among all the Beasts of the world which hath so great and ample demonstration of the power and wisdom of almighty God as the Elephant.’

photo source                    quote by Edward Topsell, “The Historie of Foure-Footed Beastes”

DOJ dispensary raids spur protest set for tomorrow at S.F. City Hall

UPDATE BELOW

California NORML invites friends & supporters to rally in protest of the Department of Justice's attack on medical marijuana at S.F. City Hall on Tuesday, April 3rd.

“In a report to Congress, http://www.canorml.org/news/DOJPelosiletter.html Cal NORML denounced the DOJ crackdown as arbitrary, inconsistent, disrespectful of state and local laws, and destructive of efforts to legally regulate marijuana.

The protest begins on the steps of City Hall (Polk Street entrance) at 11:30 a.m. A majority of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors will be joined by representatives from the offices of the City Attorney, Assemblyman Tom Ammiano, State Senator Mark Leno, and the Board of Equalization, to show their support for medical cannabis patients by delivering a strong message to the Obama Administration regarding recent actions by the Dept. of Justice (DOJ) and the State’s 4 U.S. Attorneys against local medical cannabis dispensaries.

District Attorney Gascon is sending a statement from his office affirming his stance on medical cannabis laws. A lively rally will precede the press conference at 11am, and at noon patients and supporters will march to the Federal Building located at 450 Golden Gate to demand that Attorney General Eric Holder end the federal attacks on safe access.

Other speakers at the press conference will include affected patients and dispensary operators, ASA Chief Counsel Joe Elford, Steph Sherer, representatives from the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws and San Francisco Medical Cannabis Task Force.”

- D. Gieringer, Cal NORML

For further information:

San Francisco Campaign for Safe Access: http://AmericansForSafeAccess.org/SFUnited

UPDATE: 1:23 p.m.                                 This kind of thing is why there’s a rally tomorrow!

Federal authorities raided Oaksterdam University, a “cannabis college” in northern California, on Monday morning.

Agents with the Internal Revenue Service, Drug Enforcement Agency and U.S. Marshals were spotted outside the medical marijuana facility, with some entering the site with power saws and a sledgehammer and other carrying out bags of material to a van, nbcbayarea.com and the San Francisco Chronicle reported.

Thank you readers! Your response was really great!

               Good Day Humboldt County!

I’m humbled, surprised, gratified, and reminded of why I write my column – As It Stands – after yesterday.

It’s fun, and I’m happy learning and sharing things during my life’s journey. Yesterday’s response to my April Fool’s story caught me off guard.

It was easily the most emails I’ve received in response to a column since I began writing for the Times-Standard in July 2008. Thank you all.

Apparently, I have more than three regular readers. One of my favorite emails (and I can’t disclose the person’s name because they sent it to me personally) really gave me a good laugh:

Reader: Dear Dave, I will miss your column in the Sunday paper. Best wishes and happy journeys!”

Dave: “Don't worry__________, I'm not really going anywhere.
Check out the last sentence of the column..."As It Stands, April Fools! See ya next week!"
Thank you so much for being a loyal reader, and such a considerate person.
Cheers! Dave”

Reader: “Whew!  that will teach me to read unpleasant things to the not so bitter end!”

Comment: my first though was the writer was so bored with the column they did not read it all and were sending me a standard blah blah e-mail (good luck).

Another person pranked!

Reader: “When I saw your Goodbye! article, I said, “Oh, darn!” (the last two letters of DARN kind of blend together to look like DAM, but if I had said that I would have spelled it damn)

As I’ve expressed before, I really enjoy your articles. It seems like especially lately that you have been talking about more difficult-to-talk-about subjects, which makes your articles both enjoyable to read and informative. I especially liked a recent article where you talked about extended military tours and their effects on our troops.

I hope that you continue to enjoy writing your articles, so that you continue for a long time. That will then allow me to continue to enjoy reading them!”

Dave: “Good to hear from you and thank you for your kind words.”

And so it went. I got some hilarious emails. A couple of people called and warned me that they were going to get even some day. My niece in Las Vegas was taken hook-line-and-sinker…until that last line. She told my wife that she couldn’t imagine me being a crab fisherman – especially at my age! Now, I’m going to have to top this prank next year!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

As It Stands: GOODBYE! I’M SAILING OFF INTO THE HORIZON

By Dave Stancliff/For The Times-Standard
 Au revoir. Ciao. Do svidaniya. Goodbye. Hasta la vista. Lebewohl. Sayōnara.

No more Dave to kick around. I’m moving on to new adventures. People to see. Places to go. Things I want to do.
I can quit feeling like the Rodney Dangerfield of journalism on the north coast. No respect I tell ya. I get no respect. I’m just that crazy freelancer who writes a column for the newspaper, and who has a debatably local blog.
“I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” - Rodney Dangerfield.
Well folks, that’s in the past now. My witty words will no longer grace this publication and I’m going to blow up my blog! You won’t recognize me around town either because I don’t look like the photo you see on this page.
I have grown a long scraggly beard Blackbeard would have been proud of, even though it’s more gray than black.

Then I donned a black eye patch. It seemed like a good idea so irate readers and critics wouldn’t recognize me in public. Disappearing won’t be hard. I’ll miss my readership. All three of you.

  I plan to do a Forest Gump and walk across the country for no good reason. I’m having some difficulty putting together a support team. My wife assured me she wouldn’t go along with anything so stupid, so I turned to other family members and friends. Guess what? No takers! I guess that means you’re my last chance. 
  If any reader is moved by my mission to walk aimlessly to the east coast and wants to help, they can contact me via the e-mail address at the end of this column.

I also have other plans.
When I get back to the north coast after my meaningless journey east, I plan to become a crab fisherman. After years of watching my next door neighbor, a Vietnam veteran who owns his own boat, with 300 plus crab pots, I think I’m experienced enough to take on this new profession.

I’ve watched him stack the smelly things at the end of each season. I’ve observed the proper methods of taking out the little yellow and red floaties inside, and smelled the sea for months - the odor from the pots wafting gently, but persistently, to my front porch and making me gag.
 Then one day I stopped hurling when I opened the front door, and realized I was a seasoned salt! The rotten crab stench had turned to flowers in my olfactory system, and a time of change lingered in my nostrils.
 At 62 years-old, it’s not a common thing to change course in your life work. I’ve been a wordsmith since I scribbled my first graffiti on my desk with a penknife. As a journalist, I’ve researched and written about countless subjects over the years.

But now, a new destiny calls. A new purpose. I’ve lived within walking distance of the sea for decades and now its allure says, “Join me, you crazy old man. I’ve got a ticked-off White Whale who wants to meet you!”
 Obliviously that siren call has mesmerized me. Yes, I’m the same guy everyone calls “Chicken of the Sea” because I’ve always hated going out in a boat.

My only experience was a fishing trip on a half day boat in Palos Verde in the 70s. I puked like the worst landlubber ever, and watched helplessly seasick, as the rest of the people drank beer and had fun fishing.

Upon reflection, I think the whole idea came up when I started to wear the black eye patch. I got into a habit of calling my grandchildren “mateys” and talking like a pirate. The performance was good enough to get approval from all five.
Nothing ventured,nothing gained.Right? Sure,it won’t be easy to get a boat.There’s this little issue of money.If I can find one for sale then I’ll have to raise the shekels to purchase it.
 Or, I suppose I could wait until someone from my old unit in Vietnam showed up in a wheelchair (like Captain Dan in Forest Gump) with his own crab boat and in need of a partner. I know that’s a bit of a stretch because everyone in my platoon was a landlubber.
 If there’s anything that really makes me hesitate about this new profession, it’s the fact  I can’t stand the taste of crab!
As It Stands, April Fools! See ya next week.

WEBSITES CARRYING THIS COLUMN:

Journalism Newswire - http://www.topix.com/wire/news/journalism/p2

100th Anniversary of the Titantic: new images and a movie in 3-D

In 1943, more than 30 years after the Titanic hit an iceberg in the North Atlantic, the Nazis thought it would be a good idea to make a movie about it.

Joseph Goebbels, who was Adolf Hitler's minister of propaganda, saw the Titanic story as a tale of British greed and incompetence. He wanted a film about the so-called "unsinkable" ship, one that would include a fictional character, a German officer named Peterson who would be the sole voice of reason on board.

A German director named Herbert Selpin was hired to make the movie, but when he refused to follow orders - he resisted efforts to make the British even more cowardly - he was arrested and jailed. The next day, he was found hanging in his cell, garroted with his own suspenders.

Another director finished the movie. It was a flop, and Nazi censors pulled it from theatres because audiences were too sympathetic to the passengers. The ship that was not going to sink became an apt symbol for the Reich that was going to last a thousand years.

The Titanic has a special relationship with the movies: A 10-minute film starring Dorothy Gibson, an actress who survived the sinking, was released a month later. Other movies nibbled around the edges: A 1929 film called Atlantic told the story, but changed the name of the ship; Noel Coward's 1933 Cavalcade has a scene on the deck of the Titanic; in History Is Made at Night, a 1937 movie with Charles Boyer, a Titanic-like ship avoids an iceberg.

Alfred Hitchcock was supposed to make a Titanic movie in 1938, but it got tangled up in legal troubles.

The first major movie in English was a 1953 drama called Titanic. It starred Barbara Stanwyck as an American woman taking her children on the boat to flee constricting English society and Clifton Webb as her snobbish husband, who follows her and ends up dying, bravely singing Nearer My God to Thee, as the Titanic sank.It was followed by A Night to Remember, a 1958 film that had a more modern approach. Based on a bestselling book by Walter Lord, it juggles various plots, characters and perspectives while still telling an old-fashioned story.

In 1964, The Unsinkable Molly Brown, which starred Debbie Reynolds, told the story of a real-life woman who survives through sheer pluck. She not only helped evacuate the ship, she insisted her lifeboat return to look for more survivors, and she even helped row. For a '60s audience, she is a flag-waving American and early feminist.

By the time of Cameron's film in 1997, many of the old assumptions had been turned on their heads. Now the first-class passengers had become the villains, and the hero is rough-hewed Jack Dawson from steerage, played by heartthrob Leonardo DiCaprio, who saves Rose (Kate Winslet) from a loveless marriage to a duplicitous rich man played by Billy Zane.

The 3-D version that is being released on April 4 comes into a world buffeted by recession and redefined by various Occupy protests as being divided between the "one per cent" and the "99 per cent." Some of us are in first class, and most of us are in steerage.

Just in time for the 100th anniversary of the most storied maritime disaster in history, National Geographic magazine and a team of researchers have unveiled new images of the Titanic, revealing unrestricted views of the wreck for the first time ever.

• See more of the "Unseen Titanic" at nationalgeographic.com

article sources – The Vancouver Sun – Leader Post – The New York Times -  The San Jose Mercury News

WE ALL MAKE A SMART ASS REMARK SOMETIME RIGHT?

                  Good Day Humboldt County!

Was there a particular time in your life when smart ass answers seemed to flow from your mouth with no effort? Inspired gems that left others speechless. I’ve found the best smart ass answers come from teenagers. It seems to be a universal gift they enjoy from 13 to 19 years old.

I was nineteen when I was in Vietnam in 1970. Whenever when one of the “Lifers” got mad at me, threatening some vague retribution, I was always quick with my stock smart ass reply, “What are you going to do to me? Send me to Vietnam?” It always got a laugh from the guys in my squad, and pissed off my tormentors. What could they say? Well okay, sometimes they sent me back to the bush early, which happened about fifty percent of the time.

Then we have people who continue to cultivate their smart ass answers as they grow older. Sometimes they’re even funny. I’ve got six quick examples (below) for your consideration. Feel free to comment on the one you think is funniest:

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
It was mealtime during an airline flight.  
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.  
'What are my choices?'  John asked.  
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #4
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, ' Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
The stock boy replied, 'No ma'am, they're dead.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #3
The police officer got out of his car as the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. 'I've been waiting for you all day,' the officer said.
The kid replied, Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.'
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

SMART ASS ANSWER #2
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway and noticed a sign that read: Low Bridge Ahead. Before he knows it, the bridge is right in front of him and his truck gets wedged under it. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, 'Got stuck, huh?'
The truck driver says, 'No, I was delivering this bridge and I ran out of gas.'

SMART ASS ANSWER #1

A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'
A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'!!!!!!!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Always losing arguments? Don’t despair – there’s hope out there

It doesn’t matter if you’re a husband, wife, Democrat, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, or the head of your high school debate team – a well presented argument is a must in order to win. One of the best people to read how to present your case is Arthur Schopenhauer. Take a minute and check it out. You never know. You might learn something.

SCHOPENHAUER'S 38 STRATAGEMS, OR 38 WAYS TO WIN AN ARGUMENT

Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860), was a brilliant German philosopher. These 38 Stratagems are excerpts from "The Art of Controversy", first translated into English and published in 1896.

Schopenhauer's 38 ways to win an argument are:

1. Carry your opponent's proposition beyond its natural limits; exaggerate it. The more general your opponent's statement becomes, the more objections you can find against it. The more restricted and narrow his or her propositions remain, the easier they are to defend by him or her.

2. Use different meanings of your opponent's words to refute his or her argument.

3. Ignore your opponent's proposition, which was intended to refer to a particular thing. Rather, understand it in some quite different sense, and then refute it. Attack something different than that which was asserted. READ THE REST HERE

Lotterys and Religion: win some and lose some…

                         Good Day Humboldt County!

The way I understand it, there’s an earthly plane, and a spiritual plane. I realize that’s a simplistic statement. Allow me to try to explain. Our journey through life means we experience real world pain and joy. But there’s this part of us that believes we’re going to be held accountable for our deeds in life after we die.

That’s why if I won the lottery, or the massive Power Ball (which at this moment is up to $540 million) I would give most of it away to friends, family, and charities. What would world religious leaders do with a lot of money if it fell into their holy laps? 

For example, what would the Pope do if he won $1.7 million? My guess is he’d have some trouble explaining why he’s playing the lottery. If he’s successful at bullshitting the faithful about why, because he’s God’s best boy, then he should be able to convince them the money is going somewhere worthwhile… which in fact would be the Catholic Church’s coffers.

The Asian version of the pope, The Dalai Lama, was awarded a prize – $1.7 million – because he’s been busy showing a link between science and religion lately. What’s he going to do with all that money? The way I understand it, he’s got free rein to have a wild time with all that loot if he so chooses. I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s going to use the money for a free lunch program for all Tibetans for the next decade!

News Snippet:

“The Dalai Lama, the Tibetan Buddhist spiritual leader, has won $1.7 million after being awarded the 2012 Templeton Prize for his work linking science and wider questions of faith and religion. Tenzin Gyatso, 76, the 14th Dalai Lama, will be presented with his award at a ceremony at St. Paul’s Cathedral in London in May.”

I realize that the Dalai Lama didn’t play the lottery, but he still won something so I’m including him in this conversation. This lottery business can be really exciting until you realize your chance of winning (even when you play every day) is about as likely as opening a café on Jupiter for wealthy intergalactic visitors!

Time for me to walk on down the road…