Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Fair Warning! Satire Ahead: Things To Do In Florida

Welcome to Florida, the Sunshine State, where science is banned, and no one can tell you what to do.

Attractions 

Watching the Trump supporters line the streets to his beach resort (mar-a-lago) every time his Orangeness is in town. It's free, and you'll get to see deplorables up close.

Take a tour bus that stops at all the locations where Trump held raucous rallies in 2016, and 2020. Vendors will be there offering MAGA gear at a discount.

Eat and Drink

Bon Apitit!  You don't have to worry about COVID masking restrictions when you go out for a meal because the governor doesn't believe in taking safety measures, and fights all attempts to mask anywhere, including the schools.

Outdoors

There's 15 places to find adventure, including the popular guided MAGA walk through the Everglades. The trail will be open all week this fall. Liability release forms for visitors available at numerous kiosks. 

Attend an outdoor lecture in the same Florida swamp that Trump and allies plotted the overthrow of Democracy. The lecture lasts 10 minutes because studies show no MAGA follower could focus any longer than that.

Make sure to take souvenirs from your visit to remind yourself how fun it was experiencing an alternate universe where Trump is still the president.

One of the most popular souvenirs is a T-shirt dissing Dr. Anthony Fauci (Don't Fauci My Florida) by truth denier Gov. Ron DeSantis on his website.

MAGA vendors reported a shortage of the T-shirts last week, but the supply problem was quickly corrected.

To guard against any facts supporting masking and vaccines, DeSantis appointed a State Surgeon General that thinks the earth is flat.

Enjoy your stay by taking a couple of simple precautions:

1. DO NOT wear Biden T-shirts or hats.

2. Avoid wearing too much blue clothing so you don't stand out in crowds and become a target for a right-wing extremist that might think you're a liberal.

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