Good Day World!
Before I even start, let’s get one thing straight; the following is satire. For those of you with no sense of humor that means I’m just joking…with an edge to my message.
2016: THE YEAR OF THE GUNWhat a difference a year makes.
Up until last year, only 89 out of 100 Americans had guns. The NRA’s latest victory - arming the remaining 11% who didn’t have guns – signals a new time of peace and posterity.
BUSINESS IS UP* One of the hottest selling products of the new year is a framed photo of Wayne LaPierre wearing a Remington (they branched out to a clothing line) thong while sipping a beer on Prado Beach.
* Interior designers report that the new “in-look” is “Assault Rifle and Ammo Montage” wallpaper. They praise the versatility of the design, suggesting it looks good throughout the house.
* Hood ornaments are back! The hands-down leader is a silver Assault Rifle mounted on a NRA logo. They are popping up on all makes, not just pickup trucks.
POPULAR REALITY SHOWS* For pure action “Count to 10 – Then Run!” is hard to beat. Premise: Contestants randomly select a person and give them 10 seconds to run for their lives before hunting them down with fully automatic assault rifles.
* Viewers are warned not to copy the contestants (who are crazy) in “Hot Grenade,” a lethal version of the children’s game of “Hot Potatoes.”
* For heart-stopping drama, “The Mankill Family,” has no equal. Literally. More heart shot kills are made than any other reality shows on TV. You don’t want to live in their neighborhood!
TRENDING* Marriages at Gun Ranges. Instead of dancing after the oath-giving ceremony, guests will fire at targets of Liberals with complimentary rifles.
* All time high for accidental gun shot wounds/deaths in every hospital of the country.
* Ted Nugent appointed Secretary of Defense in November after Donald Trump becomes president!
Time for me to walk on down the road…