Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Letter from America to Donald Trump

Dear Donald,

Now that Christmas is over, we'd like to congratulate you! 

You have proven beyond all doubt that the theory of no limits to human stupidity is true.

We refer to your latest series of infantile belches of sub-moronic bullsh*t in which you have demonstrated, quite clearly, that there is no such thing as unutterable nonsense.

You're so vain and pompous that even when you're caught lying you don't admit it. Your elite lifestyle allows for any kind of behavior...no matter how ugly, or stupid.

You've also managed to provide absolute proof of reincarnation, as no one could possibly become so completely and hopelessly stupid in just one lifetime; even with a team of special-ed tutors and first-rate lobotomy specialists, all working overtime.

-America

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Cow dung cakes are selling like...well, hot cakes!

Good Day World!

This photo is not a stack of hamburger paddies, despite how it looks.

No. These are cow dung cakes. No. People don't eat them. Yes, they are used for heating and ceremonies throughout India.

To our Western sensibilities the smell of burning poop is unacceptable. The folks in India like that peaty smell though. 

Why not some other animals poo?

Cows are scared in India. That includes their dumps. To many people it is a reminder of their good old days when the main heating source of the land consisted of cow droppings.

The cakes are sold in packages that contain two to eight pieces weighing 7 ounces each. Prices range from $1.50 to $6 per package.

Online retailers said people were also buying the dung cakes to light fires for ritual ceremonies to mark the beginning of the new year and for the winter festival known as Lohri, celebrated in northern India.

Thinking about getting someone a unique New Year's gift? Try ordering cow cakes, and be the first on your block to piss of the mailman!

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, December 28, 2015

How to Cultivate a Political Cult of Paranoia

Good Day World!
Donald Trump is a demagogue with money who can mine fear, white identity politics and right-wing populism where spoils and rewards are given to good “real Americans” and the Other is, by definition, punished and excluded.

He's inspiring a gathering cult status among a fearful segment of society who are seeking deliverence from all of their woes. 
The Boston Globe explores the concept:Recently, a few political scientists have begun to discover a human tendency deeply discouraging to anyone with faith in the power of information.It’s this:
Facts don’t necessarily have the power to change our minds. In fact, quite the opposite.In a series of studies in 2005 and 2006, researchers at the University of Michigan found that when misinformed people, particularly political partisans, were exposed to corrected facts in news stories, they rarely changed their minds.
In fact, they often became even more strongly set in their beliefs. Facts, they found, were not curing misinformation.Like an underpowered antibiotic, facts could actually make misinformation even stronger… “The general idea is that it’s absolutely threatening to admit you’re wrong,” says political scientist Brendan Nyhan, the lead researcher on the Michigan study.The phenomenon — known as “backfire” — is “a natural defense mechanism to avoid that cognitive dissonance.
Trump has become a hero for the angry and resentful white “silent majority” who feel that they are somehow being marginalized in their” country and that “the blacks,” immigrants, Muslims and terrorists are out to get them."

He is a carnival barker, proto-fascist reality TV show host turned Republican 2016 presidential primary leader. And he appeals to the low information Republican base.


This is how low politics have sunk.


A cult leader, carnival barker, and proto-fascist reality TV show host turned Republican 2016 presidential primary leader is being slavishly followed by a money-hungry media that records every hateful thing he says with glee. 

Will sanity win out in the end and send Trump packing in the Republican primary? I guess we'll find out next February.


Time for me to walk on down the road...

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Getting Ready for New Year's Non-Resolutions

Good Day World!

I don't know about you, but I'm still recovering from the hoopla of Christmas.

As the saying goes, "There's no rest for the weary," because I have to get ready for my New Year's resolutions non-resolutions. You read that right.

I have a perfect history of never keeping my New Year's resolutions. After six-decades of such perfection, I have to be careful about what pledges I make.

The day may come and I'll accidently keep a resolution. (Horrors!) That would ruin everything! My one shot for perfection in this life would be shattered and swept aside in the overall scheme of things.

So, I have to be careful. After considerable thought, a few puffs of some very dank marijuana and a shot of 40-year old Scotch, I've come up with these three resolutions for 2016:

(For the record, this isn't my bucket list. Let's not get the two confused.

1) Go on a cruise.
2) Take a ride on the biggest roller coaster in America.
3) Go fishing in the Amazon.

You might be thinking "Hey! wait a minute Dave! You're comparing a cruise with two high adrenaline activities. What's with that?"

The answer: if there's one part of the planet I never want to experience...it's the sea. Going out on a ship is the stuff of nightmares for me (I should have never seen JAWS!).

I think I'm safe with these three pledges for 2016. 

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Saturday, December 26, 2015

It was the day after Christmas and everyone was...


Good Day World!

The lines started early today.

Hundreds of thousands of people trying to be patient while clutching gifts to be returned in stores across America.

If this has happened to you before, or on this Christmas, here's some tips for returning unwanted gifts.

About 8 percent of shoppers planned on hitting the stores the day after Christmas to return or exchange gifts they received from others, according to a survey by American Express.

HERE'S AN INTERESTING PREDICTION:

The amount of returning "is going to escalate every year in direct proportion to the holiday shopping that's done online," said Candace Corlett, president of WSL Strategic Retail, a retail consulting firm.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Friday, December 25, 2015

Merry Christmas to all!


Merry Christmas!

Thanks to all of my readers for stopping by so often this year.

I wish you the best of the season's greetings, and hope that you enjoy it with family and friends.

This is one day when everyone needs to set aside their differences, and to be loving to one another.

Life is too short for hatred. Don't let it into your lives. Instead, have compassion for others and smile at strangers!

Thursday, December 24, 2015

T'was the night before Christmas...and we were up putting together presents


Good Day World!

I'm turning the clock back to the Christmas of 1980 to share a story some parents can relate to:

T'was the night before Christmas and my wife and I were putting together presents. You know the kind I mean. They have murky instructions and are often missing key parts.

One example: we bought a toy box that had to be assembled. It came with a top, bottom, four sides, and numerous plastic bags with various nuts, bolts, and washers.

The instructions were in every language imaginable...except in English. The diagrams did not resemble the actual parts.

Pause for a moment. I am not mechanically minded. My wife, Shirley, is. We pretty much came to an agreement after this Christmas Eve she'd put the stuff together, and I would have to put my manly pride aside for the benefit of all!

Back to Christmas Eve of 1980...

For some reason nearly all the toys we got our three boys had to be assembled. It didn't take long before we started squabbling about interperating the instructions.

As the hours went by and most people slept, we toiled, and haggled, over the presents. Our tempers were frayed by the early morning hours when it became apparent we weren't going to get any sleep.

Looking back now I can admit that I was the problem that night. Shirley has told me since then, that she wondered why I didn't seem to "get things" that night.

At first light we finished and put a pot of coffee on and waited. It didn't take long. The two older boys came stumbling out with sleep still in their eyes (chubby little fists wiping it away) as they gasped.

The delight in their eyes. when they saw the presents under and around the tree, was worth our sleepless night! 

Shirley went and got our youngest (he was only six weeks old) and brought him out to watch the proceedings.

It was a Christmas to remember for a lot of reasons.

Time for me to walk on down the road...











Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Nine Famous Christmas Stories to Share With Children in Your Life


Good Day World!

Christmas is for kids.

I know many will not agree with me because the holiday is rooted in Christianity. That's okay.

When I say Christmas is for the kids, I'm speaking for parents everywhere.

There's nothing like watching those innocent little eyes light up as they gaze at presents under the tree, or listen to you telling them Christmas stories.

As a proud father of three sons I can testify to that. 

As the weeks leading up to Christmas went by, my wife and I always shared Christmas stories with our children. That tradition was carried over to our five grandchildren. 

If you are fortunant enough to have children in your life, here's a short collection of classic Christmas stories to share.

Open and print: 

1. The Little Matchgirl by Hans Christian Andersen


Time for me to walk on down the road...

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

My Loneliest Christmas Was a Milestone in My Life




Good Day World!

I'm fortunate to have had only one really lonely Christmas in 65 years.

I went into the Army in 1969 and did my basic training at Ft. Ord, California.

(Ft. Leonardwood barracks circa 1969)

 For my advanced training (Combat Engineer) I was sent to Ft. Leonardwood, Mo., that October.

Snow everywhere in November. A first for me. For whatever reasons, the DI's made me Field First (acting E-6) for the cycle. I was sent to two weeks of Leadership School.

Leading the entire company meant I called the trainees to formations three times a day, and I led then marching daily, while barking out the cadences I'd learned.

I was expected to excel and set an example for the troops.

I had my own little room. It was located in a barracks that dated back to WWII. It was a long wooden 2-story building with one heating source - an old pot-bellied stove at one end of the room.

There was no heating in my little room. The price of leadership I supposed. In my spare time, I boxed against opponents from other companies. Those were wild booze-driven affairs that sometimes ended in mini-riots.

I didn't have any friends. I couldn't afford to show favoritism and the DI's weren't interested in making friends. Most of them had been to the Nam, and knew that was were I was going.

I didn't have enough money to go home for the holidays that Christmas. I waited too long to ask for financial help from my family to fly back to California. 

I had just turned 19-years in November. I'd never been away from home during the holidays before. The Christmas cards and packages that I got only made me long to be home even more.

It was time for me to become a man. A milestone in my young life. It was like putting toys from my youth away, and stepping into another world of adults.

As I sat alone in my cold little room on Christmas Eve, I fought back tears. I wondered if I was going to die in Vietnam and desperately missed my family.

But...on Christmas morning I woke up smiling.

It was like a miracle. Maybe my dreams were so good they carried over. Whatever the reason, the sadness had slipped away like a thief in the night.

I made a few reverse-charged phone calls to family members, and that perked me up. They were all so supportive. The durability and adaptability of youth stood me in good stead that day.

Time for me to walk on down the road...






  

Monday, December 21, 2015

A Letter From a 65-Year Old Man to Santa Claus


Dear Santa,

How's it going?

I know it's been a long time since the last time you answered my letter (1955), but you're really on my mind this season.

For starters, I never got to apologize for planning to mug you that Christmas Eve. I was only five, and my brother was only three, but for some reason we thought it would be a good idea to mug you and get more presents.

As you know, we both fell asleep, a baseball bat cradled in my arms and my brother clutching his blankie beneath the Christmas tree that night .

I can imagine your shock at the scene we presented when you came to deliver our toys. You still left us toys, but that was it...you no longer answered my letters.

I've tried to make up for that faux pa by telling our three sons what a great guy you are. It must have worked because none of them attempted to mug you!

Then the grandchildren came, five in all, and I dusted off all my old Santa lore to entertain a new generation and make them Santa believers. Again, it must have worked because they really did believe in you for years.

I guess I just wanted to say that I still believe in the spirit of Christmas - which includes you - and that same little mixed-up kid that waited up for you with a baseball bat has turned out to be one of your greatest supporters.

Thanks for taking the time out to read my letter during this busy time of the year for you.

Merry Christmas!







Sunday, December 20, 2015

Santa Hacks and Facts for Inquiring Minds


Good Day World!

Here's some Santa Hacks and Facts:

That's it. 
You're tired of sneaking around the house to hide the presents, telling your child that No, those aren't squirrels in the attic, it's Santa on the roof!, eating the carrots left out for Rudolph (okay, so maybe you still enjoy those cookies for Santa..) and holding your breath every time your kid uses the internet. 
It's time to let them know the truth. That Santa is fake. A myth. A story. A fraud. Nothing special. Here's how.

* Santa ClausSaint NicholasSaint NickFather ChristmasKris KringleSanty, or simply Santa is a figure with legendary, historical and folkloric origins who, in many Western cultures, is said to bring gifts to the homes of good children on 24 December, the night before Christmas Day

* Here's what Santa looks like according to this 1823 poem "A Visit From St. Nicholas" by caricaturist and political cartoonist Thomas Nast.

* Here's Santa's Phone Number…Grab your family and give him a call at 951-262-3062 to recieve a holiday greeting from Santa and leave your wish list.

* Your kids can keep track of Santa all December long while playing with his elves here.


* Will Ferrell Is the New Santa Claus! Check out this funny video

11 Insane Things You Didn't Know About Santa Claus

Time for me to walk on down the road...






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