Wednesday, December 16, 2015

Why Stop at Just Ugly Sweater Parties?

Good Day World!

I saw my son, and his girlfriend, on Facebook modeling ugly sweaters at an "Ugly Sweater" party, and it got me to thinking (always a dangerous proposition).

Why stop there?

Why not have Ugly Pants Parties? 

My example here is just a suggestion. Imagine what you could come up with?

We really should have Ugly Hat Parties.

And Ugly Socks parties.

There's already Ugly People parties - I go to at least one every December.

Now we're warming up for the holidays...

How about Elf parties? Cosplayers ought to really get into the spirit of things there.

I'm saving the best for last...

How about an Ugly Politician Party? That way none of them will be left out, because they're all ugly...in one way, or another.

Time for me to walk on down the road...









Tuesday, December 15, 2015

In the spirit of the season I've got some gifts for politicians


                                                         Good Day World!

Despite the fact that politicians are my least favorite people in the whole world, it is Christmas time, so I'm passing out the following presents:

To Donald Trump: A realistic hair piece.

To Ted Cruz: A copy of  the book, 12 Rules for Mixing Religion and Politics by Peter Montgomery.

 To Marco Rubio: I bronzed his most recent Lobby Award Plaque from GEO GROUP, the nation's second-largest for-profit prison company.

To Bernie Sanders: An appointment to get a buzz haircut at a prestigious beauty college.

To Hillary Clinton: A one-year free membership with Radical Honestya group who teaches how to actually live an authentic life.

To Martin O'Malley: Oh boy is this awkward ...I didn't get a gift for you because (like the rest of the country) I never heard of you before you filed for president this year!

To President Obama: A special appointment for same day ear-reduction surgery at The Mayo Clinic.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Monday, December 14, 2015

Oh boy! 2016 is Going to be The Year of the Gun!


Good Day World!

Before I even start, let’s get one thing straight; the following is satire. For those of you with no sense of humor that means I’m just joking…with an edge to my message.


2016: THE YEAR OF THE GUN

What a difference a year makes.
Up until last year, only 89 out of 100 Americans had guns. The NRA’s latest victory - arming the remaining 11% who didn’t have guns – signals a new time of peace and posterity.


BUSINESS IS UP

* One of the hottest selling products of the new year is a framed photo of Wayne LaPierre wearing a Remington (they branched out to a clothing line) thong while sipping a beer on Prado Beach.

* Interior designers report that the new “in-look” is “Assault Rifle and Ammo Montage” wallpaper. They praise the versatility of the design, suggesting it looks good throughout the house.

* Hood ornaments are back! The hands-down leader is a silver Assault Rifle mounted on a NRA logo. They are popping up on all makes, not just pickup trucks.

POPULAR REALITY SHOWS

* For pure action “Count to 10 – Then Run!” is hard to beat. Premise: Contestants randomly select a person and give them 10 seconds to run for their lives before hunting them down with fully automatic assault rifles.

* Viewers are warned not to copy the contestants (who are crazy) in “Hot Grenade,”  a lethal version of the children’s game of “Hot Potatoes.”

* For heart-stopping drama, “The Mankill Family,” has no equal. Literally. More heart shot kills are made than any other reality shows on TV. You don’t want to live in their neighborhood!


TRENDING
* Marriages at Gun Ranges. Instead of dancing after the oath-giving ceremony, guests will fire at targets of Liberals with complimentary rifles.

* All time high for accidental gun shot wounds/deaths in every hospital of the country.

* Ted Nugent appointed Secretary of Defense in November after Donald Trump becomes president!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Sunday, December 13, 2015

England has no intention of returning stolen loot


Good Day World!

The British were once fond of bragging that the sun never set on their empire.

During those halcyon times the British looted the countries they conquered as a matter of course. 

Tut! Tut! And all that.

What I really find amusing is that the Brits have no intention of returning any of those stolen goods to the countries they defeated.

Here’s a good example:

A Pakistani attorney recently said he filed a court petition seeking the return of the famed Koh-i-Noor diamond Britain forced India to hand over in colonial times.

Once the largest known diamond in the world, the 105-carat diamond, also called the Mountain of Light, is one of the Crown Jewels. It is set in a crown last worn by the late mother of Queen Elizabeth II during her coronation.

The British response to Attorney Jawaid Iqbal Jafree request is the same one that’s been given 786 times before; Silence. Not a word.

During a visit to India in 2010, British Prime Minister David Cameron said in an interview on Indian television that the diamond would stay in London.

"What tends to happen with these questions is that if you say yes to one, then you would suddenly find the British Museum empty," he said.

So there you have it. England would have to return everything in the British Museum if they set the dangerous precedent of righting so many wrongs.

Cheerio then…carry on!


Time for me to walk on down the road… 

Saturday, December 12, 2015

Okay class! We’re going to talk about sweet potatoes today


Good Day World!

Welcome to Mr. Dave’s neighborhood!

Today, I’m going to share some interesting things about sweet potatoes.

Hold on! At first blush this may sound like a boring subject, but stick with me here.

* Did you know that North Carolina produces more sweet potatoes than any other state?

* Did you know that hardened sweet potatoes makes a material as strong as concrete?

Still not impressed?

Okay. I bet you didn’t know that sweet potatoes can burn for weeks on end like coal.

Who knows what possibilities lie there? Just one problem; putting out the smoldering sweet potatoes is not an exact science.

You know, how I know that?

A silo full of dehydrated sweet potatoes has been smoldering in a town an hour east of Raleigh since Thanksgiving. True story.

Firefighters and other town personnel have been at the scene around the clock since a suspected spark started the blaze. At least 25 million gallons of water has been sprayed, but it's not clear when it might be extinguished.

No one is sure when the sweet potatoes will stop burning. Kinda reminds me of Chernobyl, but not as toxic.

Class dismissed.

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Friday, December 11, 2015

Can You Guess Who I am?

 Good Day World!

Guess who I am.

Like the Joker from the Dark Knight, I just want to see the world burn.

I am white, and really, really angry.

I am also afraid.

I believe the only religion in the USA that can be trusted is Christianity.

I agree that ALL Muslims should be banned from entering our country.

I think the idea of a massive wall separating Mexico and the US is doable and will solve most of our illegal immigration problems.

I believe thousands of Muslims in New jersey celebrated on 9/11.

I believe we once banned Islam in this country in 1952.

I still believe President Obama is a Muslim and was born in Kenya.

I believe in smaller government and that people should be able to carry assault weapons anywhere they want. 

I believe that President Obama is trying to take our guns away.

I believe that anyone who disagrees with me is unpatriotic and doesn't want to see America become great again.

I believe that we shouldn't tax corporations because it's not necessary as the trickle-down-effect benefits the middle class and poor.

NOW THE GIVEAWAY

I believe that Donald Trump would make a great president because he is point on.

Time for me to walk on down the road... 

Thursday, December 10, 2015

What was the scariest moment of your life?

Good Day World!

With fear floating around this country like a dark cloud, I thought it might be interesting to explore the scariest moment of my life!

We all have different fears, although some are more universal than others. Sharks, maniacs, natural disasters, the Boogey Man, fire, and terrorists come to mind.

Before I share my moment of terror, I would like to add that it doesn’t matter what your age was – if something scared the Shinola off your shoes then it qualifies.

I’m 65 years-old.

In the turbulent decades of my life I’ve experienced war in Vietnam and Cambodia, had numerous ear surgeries, back surgery, was diagnosed with PTSD, was beat up by hired VA cops while in a PTSD program, and grew up fighting in the barrios of La Puente and El Monte.

The scariest moment of my life was

When I was five-years old we had a big red tabby called Tiger. Tiger thought it was his duty to fight any other animal he encountered. He roamed the neighborhood terrorizing other cats and small dogs. (Chickens once too, but that’s another story)

One day Tiger got into a knockdown all-out brawl with another cat under our house.

Pause here; my mother loved Tiger and nothing was too good for him.

On the day Tiger decided to fight another cat under our house, my mother ran outside in response to the ear-shattering squalls. Quickly deducing the situation, she ordered me to go through the crawl hole and to “get poor Tiger out!”

Have you ever heard two cats screaming at each other in unholy anger?

As I crawled around blindly (with no flashlight) there was an eerie pause…silence. For a brief moment I thought God heard my prayers and Tiger left on his own – but then their shrieks suddenly started up next to me and I saw two sets of blazing cat eyes glaring at me!

That’s all it took. I peed my pants and screamed! Seemed like for minutes, but was probably only a few seconds. In that time the cats broke off the battle and both streaked out the crawl space and into the sunlight.

I always hated Tiger.

So, what was your moment of terror? What still get’s your adrenaline going when you think about it?

Time for me to walk on down the road…

 

 

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

al-Baghdadi: ‘Thank you Donald Trump!’

  Good Day World!

Just wanted to share a heart-warming letter from the leader of Daesh (ISIS hates this name) to Donald Trump:

Dear Furor Trump,

Your incendiary anti-Muslim comments come like a blessing from Allah.

We’ve been telling Muslims worldwide that the United States hates Muslims and now you proved it by suggesting we all be banned from your shores!

Allah is great! Banning Muslims really stirred up my loyal followers worldwide. They see the Great Satan for what it is!

You are furthering our aims beyond our wildest expectations!

Love the idea of banning the internet! The amount of hatred you’re creating between Muslims and Americans is helping us achieve our jihad…Allah is Great for delivering you unto us!

As I write this, our media connections are busy making posters and videos of your presidential campaign to share with our brothers, so that they may see how much America hates them.

If you need any help vilifying all the Muslims in the world just let me know. My advisors would be pleased to work with your staff.

Good luck, and keep up the good work!”

your admirer, al-Baghdadi

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Serenity and Painting With Oils

unnamed (1)

(Just finished this piece for our living-room)

Good Day World!

I love art.

One of my favorite hobbies is oil painting. I’ve been a student of the medium since 1966 (my sophomore year in high school).

There is no one correct way of painting. Artists train themselves in a wide variety of approaches, which they continually practice and extend as they find occasion and need for.

Contrary to what some people think oil painting is straightforward. It’s far simpler than etching or even watercolor painting. If you can see something, you can paint it in oils. Oil painting is the process of painting with pigments bound in oil.

unnamed (3)

The common oils used in oil paints are linseed oil, poppyseed oil, walnut oil, and safflower oil. However, I have used vegetable oil in a pinch and was surprised at the satisfying results.

If you’d like to know more about painting with oils, here’s a great link:

25 Oil Painting Techniques You Should to Learn

(Here’s a piece I did back in 2001.)

I paint because it satisfies something in my soul.

As a Vietnam veteran with PTSD, I’m always seeking serenity. Painting offers an escape from the real world.

Time for me to walk on down the road…

 

Monday, December 7, 2015

Unicorn Believer and Crazed Sidekick Get Their Day in Court

Charles Dharapak/Pool/Cnp/ZUMA; Catmando/Shutterstock

                               Good Day World!

Sometimes I have to shake my head in awe and wonder at some of the cases tried in our Supreme Court.

On Tuesday, the Supreme Court will examine the bedrock principle of "one person, one vote" in a major case that could yield the Republican Party a critical advantage in future elections.

In Evenwel v. Abbott, the court is being asked to change how states draw legislative districts in a way that would boost the electoral power of white, rural voters, who lean Republican, at the expense of Latinos and African Americans, who tend to vote Democratic.

The plaintiffs are two wackos. Sorry for the slang, but when you read their background here you’ll have to agree. Sue Evenwel and Ed Pfenninger are a couple of bigoted people. 

QUICK EXAMPLE

Ed believes in unicorns. They appear repeatedly in Pfenninger's online posts. Arguing with a commenter to one of his YouTube videos, he wrote in 2013 that the "unicorn was a real creature known for it's [sic] great strength, and is also referred to in ancient literature.”

I rest my case.

I hope the “Supremes” do the same thing by laughing at these two idiots while giving them a thumbs down.

Time for me to walk on down the road…

 

Sunday, December 6, 2015

The only hope for gun safety laws comes from the silent majority of NRA members

Good Day World!

The New York Daily News came out with a controversial cover on Friday that is still resonating with many. The cover portrayed National Rifle Association chief Wayne LaPierre as a "terrorist.”

"Syed Farook joins long list of murderous psychos enabled by NRA's sick gun jihad against America in the name of profit," the cover read.

With LaPierre's NRA and its congressional allies stymying even modest gun safety measures — including, on Thursday, efforts to expand background checks and prevent people on the terror watch list from purchasing guns — it's easy to forget that the NRA's hardline opposition to reform isn't only out of step with the views of most Americans.

It's also out of step with the vast majority of NRA members.

According to a 2013 study featured in the New England Journal of Medicine, 74% of NRA members favor a universal background check regime for gun purchases, while a 2012 poll found that 71% backed banning gun purchases by individuals on the terror watch list.

I was impressed when John Oceguera, former speaker of the Nevada state assembly and currently a Democratic candidate for Congress from the state's 4th District, resigned his NRA lifetime membership in a letter to LaPierre, which he posted on his campaign website.

Oceguera said:

"Our country is facing a tragic gun violence epidemic, and we cannot ignore it. Still, the NRA opposes any legislation that would help keep guns out of the hands of terrorists, criminals and the mentally ill, and spends millions to stop any action in Congress that could help prevent further violence," he wrote. "I cannot continue to be a member while the NRA refuses to back closing these loopholes."

Perhaps if more NRA members followed Oceguera’s lead the NRA would be forced to acknowledge reality – and common sense – when it comes to gun safety laws. So far, those NRA members who favor universal background checks have been a silent majority.

The need for them to speak up has never been greater. Something has to break the deadly cycle of resistance perpetrated by the NRA’s corrupt leadership. We need to stop the hold that the gun and ammo industries have on us, and from destroying our country for the sake of profit.

FACT

U.S. taxpayers subsidize the salaries of the NRA leadership. That’s because the NRA, as a tax-exempt organization, pays no federal taxes. LaPierre pulls down a cool million a year for inciting fear.

Other top 2010 salaries at the NRA. Your tax dollars at work.

Related:

The NRA’s profit soars as deaths from gun massacres mount

How NRA’s true believers converted a marksmanship group into a mighty gun lobby

Time for me to walk on down the road…

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