Friday, August 12, 2022

THIS JUST IN! Rats Seen Jumping off the U.S.S. Trump!

Reports from the Florida Coast Guard have been flooding in this morning describing a ship listing heavily just off of the coast near Mar-a-Lago.

The vessel, the U.S.S. Trump, first started listing to port on Monday after the FBI executed a search warrant on Mar-a-Lago.

Since then, news agencies have been speculating about who gave the FBI insider information so detailed they knew exactly where to go in the 100-room complex that serves as Trump's Winter home.

One clue has been battered about on the internet. Apparently, Trump's lawyers told him to cut off all contact with Mark Meadows (his former chief of staff) two days before the surprise search. Was Meadows the rat that bit his ass?

There's no confirmation of that theory... yet.


NEWS ALERT (for real)

Judge releases search warrant information that produced a trove of classified documents at Mar-a-Lago today.

Federal agents removed 11 sets of classified documents, including some labeled top secret. DOJ looking at charges of Espionage, Obstruction, and destruction of government records.



Some cautious rats in Congress are weighing the odds of jumping before the U.S.S. Trump disappears into the dark depths of treason. Others are treading water next to the ship hoping that deliverance is still possible.

Still other rats have been spotted crawling out of the surf and scuttling toward the nearest sewer systems. One reporter claimed to have seen Kevin McCarthy disappear down a manhole near the Mar-a-Lago home of the former president.

Local reporters are patrolling the beaches in a quest to get interviews from the fleeing rats that are easily identified by their red MAGA hats.

Trumplicans across the country are watching with horror and anger as the U.S.S. Trump comes closer to disappearing beneath the waves every day.

Chances are the crippled ship will suffer more battering from storms as the indictments start rolling in on other ill winds.

1 comment:

Woody said...

This is kind of unfair to real rats! :)

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