Relax and have a cup of coffee with me this fine spring morning.
I've got a treat for you.
Prepare to go on a journey to an imaginary future where Trump has formed his Space Force!
Somewhere in outer space...
Navigator: "Captain, somethings pulling us off course!"
Captain: "Hold fast on course lieutenant. I'll contact Commander Trump and see what he wants us to do.
(He holds up a blackberry cell phone and begins speaking)
"Trump One to earth, can you hear me?"
Headquarters on Earth: "Hail Trump! Loud and clear. What can we do for you?"
Captain: "Hail Trump! We need the president's awesome advise. We're in a precarious position."
Headquarters: "Copy that. Are you sure you don't want to talk with one of our engineers or design analysts sitting right here? The president is a busy guy."
Captain: "No. Only a stable genius like Trump can help us. As you know he's an expert on everything."
Headquarters: Roger that. I'm dialing him right now..."
Meanwhile at the Southern White House, Mar-A-Lago; Trump is waddling around on his golf course with some loyal conservative lackey's who pretend they don't see him cheating.
Trump's cell phone rings...
Trump: "This better be important, I'm kicking some golf pros asses right now!"
Space Force Headquarters: Hail Trump! It is, sir! Our Patriot Patrol flagship Trump One is being pulled off course by some unknown gravitational pull..."
Trump: "Sounds like the work of those demon Democrats!
Headquarters: Or, aliens with an unknown technology.
Trump: Aliens! I've stopped them on our southern border, and I'll stop them in space!
Headquarters: Yes, sir. What should I tell the captain aboard Trump One?
Trump: (ignoring question) "I'll build a wall! A shield like no one has ever seen before. It'll be like a yuge window that the alien hoards won't be able to break! Where's Stephen Miller?"
Headquarters: "About your flagship, sir...I just got another distress signal!
Trump: "Tell the captain to fire his retro jets in the opposite direction. If that doesn't work, thank him for his service."
Headquarters: "Hail Trump! What's happening now captain? The president says to fire your retro rockets in the opposite direction of the pull."
Captain: "Are you fucking kidding me? Retro rockets?
Wait! I can see what's happening now. We're getting sucked into a black hole! Oh. My. God! I can see the president's tax returns floating around and....(static)."
Time for me to walk on down the road...