Monday, April 29, 2019

Lost In Space: Patriot Patrol Enters a Black Hole

Good Day World!

Relax and have a cup of coffee with me this fine spring morning.

I've got a treat for you.

Prepare to go on a journey to an imaginary future where Trump has formed his Space Force!

Somewhere in outer space...

Navigator: "Captain, somethings pulling us off course!"

Captain: "Hold fast on course lieutenant. I'll contact Commander Trump and see what he wants us to do.

(He holds up a blackberry cell phone and begins speaking)

"Trump One to earth, can you hear me?"

Headquarters on Earth: "Hail Trump! Loud and clear. What can we do for you?"

Captain: "Hail Trump! We need the president's awesome advise. We're in a precarious position."

Headquarters: "Copy that. Are you sure you don't want to talk with one of our engineers or design analysts sitting right here? The president is a busy guy."

Captain: "No. Only a stable genius like Trump can help us. As you know he's an expert on everything."

Headquarters: Roger that. I'm dialing him right now..."

Meanwhile at the Southern White House, Mar-A-Lago; Trump is waddling around on his golf course with some loyal  conservative lackey's who pretend they don't see him cheating.

Trump's cell phone rings...

Trump: "This better be important, I'm kicking some golf pros asses right now!" 

Space Force Headquarters: Hail Trump! It is, sir! Our Patriot Patrol flagship Trump One is being pulled off course by some unknown gravitational pull..."

Trump: "Sounds like the work of those demon Democrats!

Headquarters: Or, aliens with an unknown technology.

Trump: Aliens! I've stopped them on our southern border, and I'll stop them in space! 

Headquarters: Yes, sir. What should I tell the captain aboard Trump One?

Trump: (ignoring question) "I'll build a wall! A shield like no one has ever seen before. It'll be like a yuge window that the alien hoards won't be able to break! Where's Stephen Miller?"

Headquarters: "About your flagship, sir...I just got another distress signal!

Trump: "Tell the captain to fire his retro jets in the opposite direction. If that doesn't work, thank him for his service." 

Headquarters: "Hail Trump! What's happening now captain? The president says to fire your retro rockets in the opposite direction of the pull."

Captain: "Are you fucking kidding me? Retro rockets? 

Wait! I can see what's happening now. We're getting sucked into a black hole! Oh. My. God! I can see the president's tax returns floating around and....(static)."

Time for me to walk on down the road...

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