UPDATE! My Online Campaign Headquarters will be ready to roll on Monday May 9th. It’s time for REAL CHANGE!
By Dave Stancliff/For the Times-Standard
Posted: 05/08/2011 02:40:40 AM PDT
Thank you for stopping by today because I have an announcement to make: I'm running for president of the United States.
As soon as you quit laughing, allow me to explain why I couldn't do any worse than the idiots who currently entertain the same thought. Let's start with Donald Trump. He tried a “birther” platform, and when that failed to work, he became the butt of every comedian in show business and President Obama. Trump didn't miss a beat and went after the president's school records!
Don't ask me why. It makes no sense. People seem to be fascinated with him, but that's just the point. Real estate mogul Trump is also an entertainer (”You're fired!”). Recently, he's deluded himself into thinking he can buy some prime real estate at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. in Washington, D.C.
If people can take Trump seriously, then I see no reason why they can't take me seriously and vote for some real change. As an open and transparent candidate, I'll be ready to show my “Live Certificate of Birth” (Cleveland, Ohio), my military records (Army), my school records, and a blue first-place ribbon I won in third grade for making 10 out of 10 free throws.
If Sarah Palin decides to throw her tube of lipstick into the presidential candidate parade, I'll be ready. When she starts with that “I can see Russia (or was it Putin?) from my back porch” babble I'll counter with, “I can see redwood trees from mine.”
Her claim is obliviously ridiculous, and mine is absolutely true.
That's the biggest reason to vote for me; I'll tell you the truth, and I don't have to cater to lobbyists and career politicians. I'm no political party's puppet. I'll tell you straight out. I can barely tolerate politicians. Especially career politicians. I don't think the Constitution was written with such an animal in mind.
Since our society has decided we need political parasites, I'll introduce term limits that will apply to all elected positions. No exceptions. One term, and it's time to go down the road and earn a honest living. If a person wants to leave a positive legacy, they'll spend all their time in office serving the people who elected them.
I'll also make sure that politicians who are caught in corrupt acts suffer a lot more than a puny censure from their peers. In my administration, they'll face the same penalties as anyone else caught doing the same crime, regardless of their status in office or society.
Another big benefit when you vote for me is I don't know any politicians in Washington. Not one. That will allow me to objectively look at every person's resume for appointed positions, including my cabinet.
I'll gather the best non-partisan economists in the country and take their advice on how to get America out of debt. There'll be cutbacks, but they won't be on the back of the middle class and the poor. Programs like Medicare will face intense scrutiny. The millions being flushed down the drain in fraud will dry up when I set the watchdogs loose.
None of these things will happen if you don't vote for me. My goal is to shake up this country with common sense instead of the political rhetoric that's polarizing our entire political process.
If elected, it'll be just my wife, our pug and myself in the White House. Taxpayers won't pay for extravagant parties because we aren't interested in having any. We'll stick with the current furniture and decorations and won't go through the White House changing things around like past presidents did. It wasn't easy to get my wife to agree to this condition, but she promised, if I'm elected.
Please don't send me any campaign contributions. I'm running my campaign on a shoestring budget (my monthly allowance after paying all the bills). All I ask is that you vote for me in 2012. It would be nice if you'd tell your friends about my candidacy as I'm depending upon word of mouth to inform the voters.
As It Stands, in the interest of full disclosure, my hair is real, and my teeth are false!
Web sites carrying this column:
AOL NEWS – Online news magazine (May 8)
Basic Famous People – You have to be famous to be featured in this online magazine. They have all things Trump and comments about him.
Birth Records are Free - Birth Records Free For Research
Donald Trump for President - donaldtrumpforpresident.org is an website that endorses, and wants to help Donald Trump get elected president in 2012. They are a grass roots organization, made up of fans of Donald Trump, and his ideas. They are not connected directly to Donald Trump, or any of his organizations.
TRUMP 2012 - This website was created and is funded and maintained by volunteers who seek a better America and who believe Donald Trump as President may provide the leadership to make that happen.
So Donald Trump in Real Time – Online magazine that follows Trump’s progress in politics. In association with SoCeleberties magazine.
Schema-root – Encyclopedia of current events (May 8) Cross-referenced news and research resources about columnists
Cleveland Newswire - Comprehensive Real-Time News Feed for Cleveland, OH (article #22 - 5/8/11)
PennRealtySite - The Best place to find news on Pennsylvania real estate. (Don’t ask me why, I don’t get it)
Waterindtell - Water Purification Stocks, Wave Energy, Tidal Power, Water Desalination Companies (Here’s another unusual blog that picks up my column every week)
Survive December 2012 – Are these the end times? You might be right or wrong.