Researchers Gone Wild

Because scientists 

have to get an alphabet of scholastic degrees the general public assumes they know what they're doing when they make discoveries that would/could benefit mankind.

I'm here today to explore what really happens (in all too many cases) in labs - usually funded by grants - where millions go toward such important breakthroughs like teaching Panda bears how to play the drums. See new product, Panda Drums for relaxation. No, really. It's a popular product for Zen devotees.

The following are real studies that have zero benefits for humans and are just plain wild and crazy.

* High flying lunacy: researchers have been studying the ability of pigeons to create art, and the potential for pigeons to be used as artists.

One of my favorites...

* There's been a year's long study that has explored whether woodpeckers experience headaches due to the rapid impact of their beaks on wood.

* Dog fleas vs. Cat fleas: Someone got paid to find out which type of flea can jump higher.

* Spiderman and adhesives: in yet another mind-bending study researchers looked into the feasibility of a human doing what Spiderman does best - wall-climbing. To their dismay they concluded it would be impractical to have adhesive feet.

* Mosquitoes and cheese: the burning question of what type of cheeses mosquitos prefer has yet to be solved as researchers continue to probe mosquitos eating habits.

When it comes to research no topic is safe as students explore and write scholarly papers that would make the rest of us less scholarly types laugh at their absurdity.

Here's an example: in 2012 a student at King's College in London, Rachel Patterson, endeavored to find out if Unicorns were real. Her paper was titled, "The Possibility of Unicorns: Kripke v Dummett," an analysis of two unicorn theorists." The conclusion that there might be unicorns, was less than satisfying. To date I classify unicorns with Big Foot and Yeti.

Big Breakthrough?

A team of psychologists from Plymouth University and Queensland University of Technology have determined, after many hours of Tetris, that the game can become addicting and distract users from doing other stuff for a while like eating, drinking and having sex. 

The question is how did they manage to finish the study?

Here's Five Funny Research Topics to Choose From

1. How to survive in a society of selfish people?

2. Art of theft: unveiling the subtleties and techniques.

3. The origin of silly laws and their importance.

4.Creative approaches to deal with fake news.

5. LOL or BWL: the psychology of internet acronyms.

As it Stands, I've always been curious just how stupid some studies are that manage to get financed by scholarly institutions. Makes me wonder what I'm missing.