Lessons I Learned from Other Species

My experience with inside knowledge of other species includes having the following pets: cats, dogs, a monkey, a goat, chickens, rabbits, and a hamster named Zig Zag.

Lessons I Learned

Cats - have dual personalities, cuddly one moment and a feline version of Edward Scissorhands the next. Most aren't particularly social and can be really rude. They taught me to always look for a super comfortable place to sleep.  

Dogs - Have taught me what loyalty really is. I discovered they have superpowers. They can tell if you're sick with something, if you are tense, sad, or scared. They willingly give up their lives to save you from danger. They taught me to be goofy.

A Monkey - I had one in Vietnam named George. His curiosity was endless inspiring me to be snoopy. Monkeys are great mimes and are good partners when playing charades.

A Goat - My goat's name was Stonewall Jackson and he loved sneaking up behind you and butting your ass out of sheer orneriness. I learned how to be stubborn as a rock. He also demonstrated how to get along with other species - like his best buddy a chicken.

Chickens - Taught me what a pecking order is. They also demonstrated how roosters are good dads by protecting their feathered harem and chicks 24-hours a day. 

Rabbits - As a toddler they inspired me to jump which led to a love of basketball. They taught me to be more passive and to not going around bullying others unless I wanted to end up in a stew.

A Hamster - a week after I married the prettiest girl in the world, we bought a hamster and named him Zig Zag. He never stopped moving. At night we'd hear his little Ferris wheel spinning furiously as he sought a distant land. He taught us you can't be going day and night without bad results. We found him one morning silently laying inside the Ferris wheel. We think he had a heart attack. Lesson learned.

My extensive knowledge of other species has also come from visiting zoos and watching National Geographic. 

Hints about some other species

**Don't try to pet a shark as they are perpetually pissed off. 

**Don't corner a skunk.

**Don't screw around with a Honey Badger because they will chase you to the gates of hell.

**Don't trust primates because they are too much like humans with bad habits.

**Don't try to outswim a crocodile.

**Don't bother trying to out stare an owl.

**Don't try to teach giant sea turtles' tricks. Their slow learners and will probably outlive you. 

**Don't get into an eating contest with a pregnant 300-pound sow.

As it stands, I hope you find this post educational and don't think I'm writing from a padded cell!