Tuesday, January 31, 2023

Who's Stalking Zoos and Stealing/Killing Their Animals?

For some odd reason monkeys have become a prime target for thieves who have broken into two zoos recently.

Zoosiana, a zoo in Broussard, Louisiana, reported that the Squirrel Monkey exhibit was broken into overnight and 12 monkeys were stolen.

A footnote here: there is a rumor that the monkeys were taken to MAGA headquarters because they have a higher IQ than most of the members and could help Trump get re-elected.

But I digress.  

The zoo confirmed that no other animals were taken by the thief(s) and said that an investigation is ongoing as they work with local, state and federal agencies to locate the missing monkeys.

The story gets stranger.

There have been multiple reports recently of missing and dead animals at the Dallas Zoo.

Dallas police reported that two emperor tamarin monkeys were "intentionally taken" from the Dallas Zoo today.

In this case Dallas police at least have a suspect.


The department tweeted a photo of a man it said police were "looking to speak with" about the missing animals.

Wednesday Breaking News: Monkeys found

This recent disappearance follows other bizarre incidents involving the disappearance or deaths of animals at the Dallas Zoo.

Last week, an investigation was launched into the "suspicious" death of a vulture named Pin that was found dead in an enclosure under "unusual circumstances" the police told reporters.

A footnote here, a note was found pinned on Pin that read, "This is what snitches get!" signed DJT.

Moving on.

The Pin investigation came just over a week after a clouded leopard named Nova was intentionally let out of her habitat on Jan. 13th.

A footnote here, just got word that freshman congressman George Santos said that he climbed the tree and wrestled the big cat until it was too tired to resist whereupon he carefully lowered it to the ground to the grateful zoo officials.


Investigators said Nova escaped through a cut-out hole forcing the zoo to close and prompting an hours-long search. Luckily for all involved Nova was found sleeping in a tree later that evening. They have no idea what maroon let Nova escape.

As it stands, I think zoos across the country should do a better job of protecting their valuable charges. 

1 comment:

Jonny Dave said...

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