Friday, May 20, 2011

It Can be Hard Keeping a Straight Face as a COURT REPORTER

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.


ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS:    He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'

ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you?

WITNESS:    My name is Susan!


ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?

WITNESS:    Yes.

ATTORNEY:  And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS:    I forget..

ATTORNEY:  You forget?  Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY:  She had three children, right?

WITNESS:    Yes.

ATTORNEY:  How many were boys?

WITNESS:    None.

ATTORNEY:  Were there any girls?

WITNESS:       Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new



ATTORNEY:  How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS:    By death.

ATTORNEY:  And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS:    Take a guess.


ATTORNEY:  Can you describe the individual?

WITNESS:    He was about medium height and had a beard

ATTORNEY:  Was this a male or a female?

WITNESS:    Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.

photo source

1 comment:

Jendocino said...

This is a perfect example of "you can't make this stuff up!" I always say that if you want good material for your writing, just go out in public for a little while and watch some people. Now I'm also going to suggest looking over court transcripts. HILARIOUS!!