Welcome to the world of Ditty & Bernie. Aunt Nettie, the oldest internet guru tells it like it is (and was). Take a tour - click on these links - Museum of Depressionist Art, The Glady's Dwindlebimmers Ralston Gallery of the Unidentifiable, and Redbone Fables and other Cautionary Tales. 
"The Fraternity Party Gets Out of Hand"
Triptych ~ detail of right panel, "The Botched Beer Raid." Pieter Boggle.
"ASSHURBACKAWARTS" C1850 BCE -Nilotic/Nubian? Originally thought of as a female fertility figure, it is now known that this statuette is composed of two separate pieces with different provenance, skillfully combined at some point after 1200 BCE.
The upper portion, with its diminutive breasts and dolorous expression, is believed to be a "brit'ny," purchased at temples by young maidens in the hope that divine intervention would make them more appealing to the opposite sex.
The lower portion is not, as originally believed, the erotically enlarged thighs and hips of a temple prostitute, but the buttocks of another statue entirely, perhaps representing either bountifulness or a diet heavy in carbohydrates.
Scholars have been polarized by this image, some believing it to be an androgynous cult figure, others seeing it as a some kind of a practical joke. )
"Woman Wearing Chastity uit"
Angelo Bronzenoze c. 1545
Another Bronzenoze from our collection. According to the story the husband of the Lady Constance Du Pre, the subject of this portrait, was an extremely jealous man. Whenever he had to leave town for any length of time he assured himself of his spouse's fidelity by locking her into this ingenious extension of the notorious chastity belt. Only one key was made, which the Duke Umberto kept upon his person at all times.
There came a time when the Duke was called to war by the King. Realizing that he would be gone for many years, and would perhaps never return, he took pity on his wife and entrusted the key to the chastity suit to Cardinal Wooley, a saintly man of the cloth, with the instructions that if he were not to return after seven years, the Lady Constance should be released from her bondage.
With that the Duke heaved a heavy sigh and rode off at the head of his troops. He had not gone 500 yards before the good Cardinal, his vestments disheveled, galloped up upon his palfrey to say that the Duke, in his haste, had given him the wrong key.
Bronzenoze used the same breastplate shown here on one of his later Madonnas.
murders, but police determined most of the confessions were lies. Toole's niece told the boy's father, John Walsh, her uncle confessed on his deathbed in prison that he killed Adam.
