Another Societal Transformation: Will the Nation Survive this One?

I watched America undergo a massive transformation in the 1960s and early 70s. The streets were full of protestors against the Vietnam war. It was the nation's youth against a corrupt establishment that tried to suppress free speech while conducting an illegal war.

I still recall the protests in colleges as students fought for their rights in an environment where war hawks populated a Congress that ruthlessly attacked its detractors. The People. And I remember the Kent State massacre in 1970 when national guardsman killed four students and wounded nine others. Riots broke out at colleges throughout the country.

Those were transformative years that saw an exit from Vietnam and the emergence of the civil rights movement that produced leaders like Martin Luther King. America was tired of the war and many young people/hippies felt like they had a path to a better life. In response to the violence across the country they moved into communes and extoled the merits of living off the earth. Being close to nature. Smoking marijuana was commonplace in these little communities that were mostly located in Northern California.

Fast forward.

2025. Protests are popping up like mushrooms in a fertile field as a growing number of Americans are protesting Trump's authoritarian regime.

Los Angeles is experiencing chaos in the streets as ICE agents storm court houses and restaurants looking for immigrants dressed up in full combat gear. 

Trump called in the National Guard despite the governor's request not to, further inflaming protestors rebelling against the regime's Gestapo-like deportation raids. 

Our dictator-in-chief also sent 700 Marines to back up the 4,000 national guard troops already lingering around LA County in preparation for an invasion that will never come.

In five short months Trump has turned the country inside out. Truth is a casualty in the MAGA culture that's infected Congress and all of the states. The day of AI has arrived bolstering lies and feeding the public dark conspiracies that rivaled anything Joseph Goebbels, the Minister of Lies under Hitler, was every able to concoct.

The Constitution is being shredded daily as Trump attempts to eliminate any judicial reprisals for his illegal actions. 

On June 14th, five million Americans gathered in all 50 states to protest Trump on NO KINGS Day. 

Watching people from different states all united with one central theme - Trump Must Go - gave me hope that We the People will restore order again in the future. My wife and I attended the protest in Medford, Oregon where we live. It was inspiring to see so many people gathered in Peace to protest the Trump regime. 

While all of this upheaval is taking place almost daily there is no clear path to solving the situation facing our divided nation. It's the first time we elected a King. Getting rid of him isn't going to be easy. How long he gets away with his crusade to destroy our democratic republic is anyone's guess. Meanwhile Americans need to stay united in their opposition to Trump's corrupt regime.

As it Stands, I've already watched one transformation in our society and now it seems another is happening. America survived the first one. I wonder if we'll survive the second while I'm still alive.

National NO KINGS DAY Protests Will Rain on King Donny's Parade

        IN       AMERICA 

           WE DON'T

           DO KINGS

Ever since America's founders got rid of crazy King George and formed a democratic republic, this nation has been a beacon of freedom worldwide.

ABOUT NO KINGS

On June 14 - Flag Day - President Trump wants tanks in the street and a made-for-TV display of dominance for his birthday. A spectacle meant to look like strength. But real power isn't staged in Washington. It rises up everywhere else.

NO KINGS is a nationwide day of defiance. From city blocks to small towns, from courthouse steps to community parks, we're taking action to reject authoritarianism - and show the world what democracy really looks like.

-The Organizers

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Thursday 6/12/25

Democratic Senator Padilla was assaulted by Trump minions when he tried to speak at a press conference being held by the Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem in California, the state Padilla represents. He was thrown to the ground and handcuffed by secret service goons supposedly stopping him from rushing at Noem. It's a good thing there's a video. The MAGA lies and tears have already begun.

Padilla DID identify himself but was still assaulted. Noem is claiming he didn't. If not for the video, she would have gotten away with another blatant lie. But now the whole world can watch and judge what happened.

Friday June 13th

A judge said Trump's team is violating state and federal laws and called for restoring Gov. Newsom's authority over the California National Guard. He gave Trump's minions until Friday to appeal the ruling. They did and a panel of three judges said things will remain static until next Tuesday's hearing when it will be decided if Trump overreached his powers.

Meanwhile Trump sent 700 Marines into Los Angeles today trying to escalate the situation. Their mission remains unclear.

A Red Line has been crossed. Congress is in an uproar. America holds it breath.

On the lighter side... 

It turns out that it's literally going to rain on Donny's parade!! The National Weather service is predicting rain on Saturday in Washington DC. The humidity is going to be through the roof! Dark clouds all day. I think God is saying something. If Trump is struck by lightning, it'll be proof.

If there's any lightning the Pentagon said it will have to cancel the parade and try to reschedule it. Ain't that a shame?

As it Stands, if you think Trump is a threat to the entire country check out the area closest to you and join your fellow Americans on NO KINGS Day.

When Billionaire Malicious Narcissists Clash: A Reality-Based Movie That's Threatening America

Godzilla rages through a major city crushing buildings and people like cardboard cutouts...

Aliens sweep through the countrysides with death rays that engulf rural communities across the nation...

A fifty-foot woman destroys everything in her path looking for a cheating boyfriend...

In the real world we now have two world class idiots who are richer than the fabled King Midas competing to destroy the nation and each other in a war that's going to hurt the American public as they flex their power in childish chagrin. 

Between Trump and Musk their going to continue to inflict more damage on the United States infrastructure than Godzilla on his best day. 

If we think things are bad enough having Trump at the helm right now, we also have the world's richest man who is a malicious narcissist (just like our 47th president) who's willing to throw the country under the bus during their foolish feud.

Guess who is going to suffer as the moron's stage their reality show? Unless you're a millionaire/billionaire it's going to be the common man. One way or another.

Because Americans are a captured audience in this reality-based movie no one knows how it's going to end. The only option is a unified resistance nationwide and constant pressure on lawmakers to do the right thing or get booted out of office.

Protests have been blooming since Trump slithered into office thanks to Musk's money. I attended the Hands-Off protest on April 5 and was very encouraged by the turnout across the country and here in Medford, Oregon.

On June 14th my wife and I will attend another protest - No Kings Day - against Trump's military parade that just happens to be on his birthday, Flag Day, and the Army's 250th anniversary. 

He's always dreamed of a fascist parade to demonstrate his power over the military.

Organizers are rejecting Trumps parade to feed his ego. Organized by Indivisible, a progressive activist group partnering with groups like 50501, the anti-Trump nationwide movement dubbed "NO KINGS Nationwide Day of Defiance" will coincide with Trump's bigly parade.

Organizers are decrying what they say are Trump's attempts at displaying authoritarian dominance, particularly during his birthday celebration in a "spectacle meant to look like strength."

As it Stands, if you don't want a nation ruled by a king and want to show what democracy looks like - "people, united, refusing to be ruled" - then go to a No Kings protest on June 14th in an area near you.

Democrats Need a New Awakening

Under the authoritarian regime in America today the worst thing you could be is WOKE. The second is to be an immigrant of color.

As I write there are millions of democrats who need to shake off the WOKE mantle imposed upon them by Trump, and to re-examine their message so they can attract all those voters who crossed the Rubicon and elected a felon and worldclass grifter.

What would constitute a new awakening for Democrats?

Well, let's see.

For starters, the Democratic Party needs to tone down the Abundance message (...just look at all the things we do have) and come down to earth and campaign as economic populists with an abundance message.

For example, it's often progressives who have led the fight against exclusionary zoning. But the abundance movement - its top proponents, the institutions behind them, and the interest groups that are pumping millions into standing them up - have generally presented abundance as in conflict with economic populism. 

If the Democratic Party learned anything in this disastrous last election it was their message fell on deaf ears for the majority of Americans. They failed to convince millions of voters that Democrats were the party of the people anymore.

Let's face it, winning elections is the most important thing we can do to turn this tide of fascism.

Progressive author, Aaron Regunberg recently wrote an article for Alternet titled The Best Path to Defeating Trumpism. 

In it the author argues, "if abundance isn't going to help Democrats defeat MAGA, then the abundance advocates - or at least the ones who care about ending Trumpism - should stop trying to "define the future of the Democratic Party."

"Let's leave that work to the Democrats who are trying to orient our party around a vision that voters actually do find compelling, Regunberg concluded.

As it Stands, one thing the author failed to address, Democrats have yet to find a charismatic leader to bring the new message.

Who Wrote the First Worldwide Novel?

You may be surprised when I tell you who wrote the first worldwide novel.

But before I do, I'll give you a clue. It wasn't Daniel DeFoe's Robinson Crusoe written in 1719. That classic is considered to be the first English novel ever published. Remember we're talking the very first worldwide novel.

The first widely considered novel was written 1,000 years ago and was titled, The Tale of Genji. Its author was Murasaki Shikibu, a woman. The stage for her epic novel was set in 11th Century Japan following the life and romances of Hikaru Genji.

What made her novel special (besides being written by a woman) was it that it was fiction which was considered to be at the lower rung of the scales of the genre hierarchies at the time. 

What we do know about Shikibu is that she was a Japanese novelist, poet and lady-in-waiting at the Imperial Court during the Heian period. 

Both in 11th-century Japan and 15th-century Europe, prose fiction created intimate reading situations. Some of the storyline in these romance novels had some pretty explicit sex in them but were written in such a flowery way the reader wasn't grossed out.

Originally, romance literature was written in Old French, Anglo-Norman and Occitan, later, in English. The Tale of Genji inspired more writers to associate popular stories with serious histories traditionally composed in prose.

It's fair to say Murasaki Shikibu opened Pandora's Box for a new genre of writing. Nearly every country in the world has a translation of her groundbreaking novel. 

It's important to note that the definition of the word "novel" changes on who you talk to, even among the experts. The majority of academics cite The Tale of Genji as the first worldwide novel.

Scholar and East Asian literature and language expert Dennis Washburn argues in his personal translation that classifying The Tale of Genji as a novel means applying a set of Western-specific standards and Shikibu's work tends to transcend genre.

As it Stands, a novel can incorporate other genres and techniques as long as the narrative, and characterization, is uniform and distinct.

My First Car was a Chevrolet Biscayne...the Story Behind it May Interest You

When I was a senior at Azusa High School in 1968, I bought my first car a white 1963 Chevrolet Biscayne from my dad. 

I loved that car with its Three-On-A Tree" shifter, and its economical V-6 engine. It had plenty of power, but it was no muscle car. (pictured above)

I took it out-of-state several times and put a lot of miles on it before going into the Army in 1969. When I came home from Vietnam in 1970, my beloved Chevy was up on blocks, and the tires were gone.

I left my Chevy at my parents' house when I went overseas. During my tour my dad let my cousin (who had been kicked out of his house) use it while he stayed with them and could get a job and find a place of his own.

Meanwhile he did a job on my poor car. He blew every gasket the car had and fried the engine. It took him a year, while I was tromping through the jungles of Vietnam and Cambodia, to accomplish this act of destruction.

However, I was so glad to be back "in the world" I never got mad at him and wrote it off. I'd learned a few things about prioritization in my young life and understood it wasn't worth getting angry over. As Viet vets said back then, "It don't mean nuthin'"

Fast forward.

He is no longer alive, and I'm glad that I reacted the way I did when I saw my car on those concrete blocks and knew he was the culprit.

I should point out that he went on to become an ordained minister and had his own church in northern Oregon. I know he did good works and helped a lot of people spiritually and physically. He liked to tell his flock about how he ruined my car, but I didn't get mad at him.

That made me feel good, like maybe I had done at least one thing right in my chaotic life when I came back to civilization. Our friendship even extended to playing basketball. He died while playing a game with some of the churches' youths.

He was a big man, in more ways than one, and died from a massive heart attacked that dropped him like a tree before the horrified youths. I was told that he died instantly.

As it Stands, Life is full of lessons, and I'm sure there's many more I'll learn before checking out for the final time.

If You Don't Like Satire Don't Read This

Hello brothers and sisters throughout the world!

It's my honor to share a new philosophy with you that will positively change your life if you practice the teachings of its founder - Alfred E. Neuman. 

Are you excited yet? We all want a better life, right? 

Imagine if you could meet every challenge in your life with the same confident calm and lack of concern. Amaze your friends with your newfound power of stoic stupidity. You'll be the life of any party.

Are you ready?  Focused?

Okay. You need to chant "What Me Worry?" at least three times a day. Some eager newcomers even chant the sacred words a dozen times a day. 

In between your daily chants you'll learn to roll with whatever life offers up and not get bummed out. If someone tells you that your house burned down just say "What Me Worry?" This sage statement is your gateway to being happy regardless of what happens in your insignificant life.  

If America's Felon-In-Charge, aka Trump, is getting on your nerves just remember to say, "What Me Worry?"  

No matter how outrageous Trump's lies are you won't lose your cool when you say the magic words. Your newly acquired superpower has no limits. Think about that for a moment.

There are more philosophies than fleas on a junkyard dog, so I won't bother listing them. Absurdism comes closest to Founder Neuman's philosophy by stressing humanity's failed efforts to find meaning in the universe. Founder Neuman took it to the next step - who gives a damn? - or "What Me Worry?"

I propose that Americans adopt this new philosophy right now during these perceived Days of Destruction of America's Democracy as presented by the orange dictator waddling around the Oval Office. There's always the chance that justice will be meted out to Trump and his minions. Meanwhile... don't worry about it.

As it Stands, I proudly pledge to practice this new philosophy-so help me Alfred E. Neuman.

About Multiverses and Superheroes on the Silver Screen

Legendary comic book writer and editor (Stan Lee) who co-created many Marvel characters, always used the phrase "Onward and Upward" to show Marvel's spirit of innovation and ambition.

 

Hence...

Marvel Entertainment opened up an age when superheroes leapt from the comic pages to the big screen.  Throughout the adventures of various super characters there was - from the very beginning - an underlining theme that grew more popular over the decades. Exploring the multiverse.

Say what? 

Basically, the multiverse is a hypothetical set of all universes. Together, these universes are presumed to comprise everything that exists: the entirety of space, time, matter, energy, information, and all the physical laws and constants that describe them.

The concept of multiple universes, or multiverse, has been discussed throughout history. It has evolved and has been debated in various fields, including cosmology, physics, and philosophy.

Despite their efforts to analyze data in search of evidence for other universes, scientists say there's been no statistically significant evidence found. But that's not the end of the story.

In 2015, an astrophysicist said he found evidence of alternate or parallel universes by looking back in time to a time immediately after The Big Bang (not the TV series silly!). He's yet to find another authority that agrees with his claims. Still, there are some scientists today delving into the mysteries of the multiverse.

Frankly I have a hard time wrapping my small brain around the whole concept of alternate or parallel universes. 

As a Marvel fan dating back to early Captain America adventures, I've always enjoyed plots with twists. When those plots were transferred to the movies, I was excited. It was a fan's dream.

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Overview of the Marvel Cinematic Universe

The Infinity Saga: Phase One (2008-2012)

Iron Man (May 2, 2008) plus 6 other releases.

Phase Two (2013-2015)

Guardians of the Galaxy (Aug. 1, 2014) plus 5 other releases.

Phase Three (2016-2019)

Captain America: Civil War (May 6, 2016) plus 10 other releases.

Phase Four: The Multiverse Saga (2021-2022)

Black Widow (July 9, 2021) plus 6 other releases.

Phase Five (2024-2025) 

Deadpool & Wolverine (July 26, 2024)

The Thunderbolts was released on May 2, 2025.

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As it Stands, sometimes I feel like I'm living in a parallel universe where America has crowned a king, and I really need to get back to the real world where America isn't a police state.

John Wayne: Forgiving an American Idol

Vietnam 1970 - I had been in country one week when my squad leader said, "We don't need any John Waynes in this squad."

At first, it was hard for me to understand why everyone seemed so down on the duke.

At 19 (photo right) I knew very little about politics. 

I learned that Wayne used his iconic status to support conservative causes that kept the war going. That included rallying support for the Vietnam war by producing, co-directing and starring in the critically panned Green Berets in 1968.

That movie was propaganda, pure and simple. 

After a while, I understood why his name had come to represent the establishment and the senseless war we were fighting. 

I found out firsthand that there were no heroes like the ones in the movies. Just survivors. 

Most of the South Vietnamese (who we were supposedly fighting for) I met wanted us to go home. I slowly became aware we were just invaders, not saviors.

I never saw anyone cry out, "For God and Country" and charge into enemy bunkers with M-16 blasting away. That's not the war I saw. I saw corruption on the South Vietnamese side and the American side. A thriving black market. Master sergeants in supply getting rich. And lots of Americans doing drugs.

How could my boyhood hero have supported such a massive mistake? What made Marion Mitchell Morrison side with the bad guys? 

Time hasn't been kind to him.

People still hold John Wayne in contempt for the paradox between his early actions - he never went into the military - and his rampant patriotism in later decades.

His widow suggested he was that way because he felt guilty, and not because he was a hypocrite.

I once use to work as a security guard at the gated community where he and his wife Pilar lived in Newport Beach (1974), and I saw him there regularly. 

He was easy to talk with. We had many interesting conversations, him in his non-descript Ford station wagon, and me standing there in a rent-a-cop uniform at the front gate.

When Wayne found out I was a Vietnam veteran he treated me with even more respect, which at the time was a rare experience for Vietnam veterans throughout the country. 

One day, when I told him I was getting married, he gave me a cigar and wished me the best of luck.

You know what? I forgave Wayne a long time ago for being a hawk during the war. I believe he meant well.

As it Stands, I wonder what that cigar would have sold for at auction. I'll never know because I smoked it to a stub the first chance I got.

Not So Friendly Skies and Airplanes for Dictators

I can still hear that 1965 United Airlines slogan, "Fly the friendly skies" with a touch of nostalgia.

Since then, it's been updated to, "Good Leads the Way," which has nothing to do with flying and sucks as a slogan.

One thing is for certain; the skies are not so friendly these days as air traffic controllers lose contact with pilots in what's becoming a common occurrence in American aviation recently. Newark Airport's problems, like losing radar for short periods of time are terrifying to say the least. It turns out that United Airlines is bearing the brunt of Newark airport's chaos. 

The issue at Newark, where nearly 70% of the flights are operated by United, has been financially disastrous for the company as cancellations and delays have taken a heavy toll. The summer travel season, typically the industry's most profitable period, is fast approaching. 

The blow comes as the industry grapples with slowing travel demand following the economic fallout of Trump's ridiculous trade war. 

While we're on the subject of airplanes did you hear the one about Trump wanting a flying palace so that he could keep up with his dictator friends? 

The Qatari royal family plans on giving Trump his very own palace in the sky (worth about $400m). 

This "gift" is a blatant violation of the Emoluments Clause of the U.S. Constitution that prohibits officials from accepting gifts, emoluments, office, or titles from foreign government without the consent of Congress.

Trump doesn't care what anyone thinks. He wants a new fancy airplane to increase his profile as a dictator. Some of his minions are trying to make the bribe look like a legitimate offering by suggesting the airplane is being donated to Defense Department and will eventually go to the Donald J. Trump Library. Three guesses who could then fly in it anytime he wanted to.

I have to admit I'm surprised that some of Trump's biggest supporters have serious reservations about the deal. MAGA influencers have described the move as a "bribe," grift, or an example of the high-level corruption that Trump himself has consistently promised to root out. 

Anyone who thinks Qatar is giving Trump a $400m jet out of the goodness of their sweet little hearts is wrong, according to conservative commentator Ben Shapiro during a recent podcast. Even MAGA nut Laura Loomer criticized the move, calling it "a stain" and posted a cartoon of the Trojan Horse, redrawn as a plane and filled with armed Islamist militants.

Apparently, Trump's memory is pretty poor because he accused Qatar of being "a terrorist state" during his first stint in the White House. Funny how things can change when the bribe is big enough.

As it Stands, I had to laugh when Trump's Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt recently told reporters that "this administration is committed to transparency." In the real-world Trump's regime is about as transparent as a triple thick brick wall.

Evolutionary Social Flaw? Why is it so Much Fun to be Afraid?

I’m fascinated by predators like lions, sharks, and lawyers. Stories about rats creep me out, but I continue to read them. I’ve got a hunch there are others like me who get a perverse thrill from shuddering in terror.

Why else would authors like Stephen King be so popular? I remember watching the original black-and-white movie Frankenstein on late night television in 1960. Like most 10-year-olds, I had an active imagination and couldn’t go to sleep afterwards. I nervously waited for the sun to rise, listening and waiting for Frankenstein to appear. I was sure he was lurking outside my room.

For some reason I thought no monster would dare appear during the day. I knew that was the case with werewolves and vampires, and just assumed Frankenstein was a nocturnal monster as well.

Look at roller coasters. They’re all about scaring us witless. The combination of speed, sudden turns, and gravity defying dives nearly always produces screams of sheer terror from riders. Yet afterward, when the world stops spinning and stomachs stop churning, they get back in line for another go!

I’ll never forget my first Zombie movie. It was October 1968, and my best friend Tom (later to become my brother-in-law) and I went to a drive-in theater to see “The Night of the Living Dead.”

For those of you who remember going to drive-in movies back then, the food was terrible. Probably the worst, but most popular item, was pizza. It was like eating cardboard with tomato sauce and cheese smeared frugally on top. We ordered one that night.

Ten minutes into the movie we stopped eating our pizza. Miraculously, our appetites disappeared as we watched people chewing on other people. By today’s standards the movie was tame. At the time, it was considered groundbreaking gore on the big screen and paved the way for countless other Zombie movies. Look at their popularity now.

Talking about scary movies, who can forget when “The Exorcist” came out in 1973? I can still see that disturbing image of demon possessed Linda Blair twisting her head completely around and snarling at the camera.

People liked being terrified by the Exorcist so much it reaped 10 academy award nominations and was the first horror movie ever up for Best Picture. “The Sting” won that year.

I totally blame the movie “Jaws” (1975), for my fear of sharks. Prior to the movie I thought nothing of swimming at Huntington Beach, Redondo Beach, and numerous other beaches in Southern California. Haven’t been in the ocean since 1975.

I don’t care if the movie happened on the East Coast. We have plenty of Great White Sharks on the northern coast of California. There’s been more than one incident in Humboldt County of someone attacked by a Great White while surfing in the frigid waters.

So why do I like being scared for entertainment? I have no idea. I know I’m not alone, however. Fear sells. Write about the world ending or a Zombie invasion of downtown Keokuk, Iowa, and it’ll sell.

Of course, you’re going to have a lot of competition because countless others are also dreaming up terrifying global scenarios to scare our pants off. I read somewhere that because man has no dinosaurs chasing him around anymore, he misses that primal instinct of running for his life from something that wants him for dinner.

In other words, we need an adrenaline rush. People love visiting with lions or tigers while safely separated from their teeth and claws. The same goes for shark aquariums. Watching those cold eyes search for prey sends shudders up our spines.

I think the most feared predators in our society today are lawyers. They look like you and me on the outside, but beneath those suits lurk soulless predators going for our money in court cases.

I’m only half-kidding here. Few things can scare people more than knowing their rival in a lawsuit has a high-powered (translation: unscrupulous) lawyer. How many times have you wondered if someone escaped justice by using a “good lawyer” (translation: one who is famous and wins every time)? That’s scary.

As It Stands, here’s an interesting thought: Is our fascination with wanting to be scared an evolutionary social flaw that contributes to the violence in our violent society today?

Originally published in May of 2013, in the Times-Standard

A Short, Humorous Look at the Long History of Cuisine

Camera pans in; 338,000 years ago, somewhere in Ethiopia two early humans are discussing the merits of meat:

Ug: “I’m sick and tired of eating grubs and berries!”

Nug: “Me too. You know what we got to do?”

Ug: “Yep. Risk our lives hunting down meat that is many times bigger than Nug and Ug. It’s dangerous business, but a good dinosaur steak is hard to beat when you want something good to eat.”

Nug: “Not according to Oop. He says he won’t eat anything with a face and is fine grubbing around for berries and insects.”

Ug: “That’s because Oop is too lazy to hunt down a meat meal. Besides, he’s never been right since getting smacked by that big lizard’s tail.”

Nug: “OK, then. I’ll go get my spear and tell the little lady we may be gone for a few days.”

Ug: “Sounds good. My mouth is watering just thinking about the feast we’re going to have!”

Two months later Nug’s wife and Ug’s girlfriend are now with new hunter-gathers that don’t like meat!

Fast forward to 306 BC Rome. Three wealthy diners are gathered in the triclinium (special dining room) lying on specially design couches (Lectus triclinaris).

Around the table, the mensa, the three diners recline on their lectus and casually eat exotic food brought to them by slaves.

Over a spoonful (cochlear-type spoon with a needle-thin grip, which is also used as a prong to eat snails and mollusks) one of the diners speaks between mouthfuls of lentils imported from Egypt:

Petronius: “Food this good should never be on a dirty peasant’s table. They wouldn’t appreciate the refined flavors.”

Cassius: “Let them eat fava beans, chickpeas, and lupins, I say!”

Marcellus: “Let them eat what we deposit in the vomitorium this very day!”

A hearty round of laughter is followed by gulps of imported wine.

The following morning a city-wide slave revolt results in a round-up of wealthy Romans. It doesn’t take long before fava beans and chickpeas become Petronius, Cassius, and Marcellus’ favorite (and only) food.

Fast Forward to the American Civil War, 1863:

When on campaign, soldiers were issued rations of hardtack crackers (generally nine or 10 crackers) when bread was not available, which was most of the time. Some of the common problems with hardtack were being too hard, wet, moldy, or infested with maggots and weevils. If they boiled their hardtack in coffee they could scrape the weevils off the foam.

Grumbling about hardtack was common and there was a popular song called “Hard Times.” The chorus went,

” ‘Tis the song and the sign of the hungry,

Hard crackers, hard crackers, come again no more!

Many days have lingered on our stomach sore,

Oh, hard crackers, come again no more!”

Soldiers through the ages have complained about rations, and the North and South armies were no different. They did, however, exhibit a wonderful sense of humor when discussing their cuisine!

Fast forward to today.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce … lettuce who? Lettuce in and we’ll tell you!

We eat some pretty weird foods in the good old USA. Sometimes I don’t know if I should chuckle or upchuck. Here are a few examples:

Snake. No, it doesn’t taste like chicken. Take it from me. I tried it. Try frog legs, alligator, or even quail, with a gamey seafood flavor. If you really want the whole experience, you should catch your snake and cook him up yourself. Just remember to carry some antivenom in case he’s quicker than you.

Brain sandwiches. Deep-fried calves’ brains can be found in restaurants all along the Ohio River Valley. I read that squirrel brains were a popular Appalachia food for thought. Unless, that is, you get the wrong squirrel carrying a variation of mad cow disease!

A popular Arizona restaurant serves Chaplines, aka grasshoppers. It’s a traditional food in Mexico and is said to taste like grass, hay, or shrimp. That’s quite a spread. Which is it? I’m not really tempted to find out.

As It Stands, “Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.” — Mark Twain

Originally published April 14th, 2013, in the Times-Standard