Two middle aged Englishmen having a spot of tea were recently overheard talking about American politics:
“I say Thomas, did you watch the tellie this morning?”
“Aye. Good theatre Edward. It was more entertaining than the last Royal Wedding was, I‘d say.”
“Indeed. That rich real estate chap, Donald Trump, is fragmenting the Republican Party!”
“Simply smashing! Those Americans are getting crazier every day. Trump’s rallies have been turning into riots and anti-Trump protesters are getting beat up.”
“Someone should make the chap show a bit of civility eh what?”
“Did you know that Mr. Trump had his own reality show on the tellie Edward?”
“Perfect platform for a political office in America I‘d say.”
“I’m not sure the Republican Party can survive such a scandalous nominee.”
“He could always start his own political party. The chap is filthy rich.”
“Quite so. He could call it the “Pompous and Wealthy Party,” or the PAW Party!”
“Vote for Trump, leader of the PAW Party which digs up dirt about minorities!”
“Oh good one! You almost made me spill my tea!”
“It’s times like this Thomas, when I’m glad to be an Englishman.”
“Don’t get too puffed up now mate, you know what they say about mad dogs and crazy Englishmen.”
“Well, a new thought is in order then. How about bat shit crazy extreme Americans are in love with Mr. Trump?”
“Jolly well said! I’m really looking forward to the presidential debates in November. They’re sure to be more entertaining than a play on Shaftesbury Avenue, or the Haymarket.”
“What’s your favorite part of the process?”
“That’s easy enough. The mud slinging. This election is shaping up to be a classic for spreading lies like seeds in manure and hoping votes will grow from them. I‘m also following the racial angle, as Mr. Trump has supporters like the KKK actively campaigning for him.”
“Did you notice, American Civil War buff that you are, that most of the states that Mr. Trump has been winning in the primaries are southern?
“I did, and I’m not surprised. I have a cousin who lives in Alabama and he says there’s a Neo-Confederacy Movement there and it’s no secret.”
“Nasty stuff that. It still divides those stupid Americans. When are they going to quit fighting that bloody war?”
“No telling who will be the Republican nominee if they have a contested convention."
“I’m going to go out on a limb and say it’ll be Mr. Trump.”
“Another cup of tea?”
“Why thank you!”
Stay tuned for a future column when Thomas and Edward discuss American cuisine from the Gulf coast six years after the BP oil spill in 2011. Cheerio!
Time for me to walk on down the road...