If You Don't Like Satire Don't Read This

Hello brothers and sisters throughout the world!

It's my honor to share a new philosophy with you that will positively change your life if you practice the teachings of its founder - Alfred E. Neuman. 

Are you excited yet? We all want a better life, right? 

Imagine if you could meet every challenge in your life with the same confident calm and lack of concern. Amaze your friends with your newfound power of stoic stupidity. You'll be the life of any party.

Are you ready?  Focused?

Okay. You need to chant "What Me Worry?" at least three times a day. Some eager newcomers even chant the sacred words a dozen times a day. 

In between your daily chants you'll learn to roll with whatever life offers up and not get bummed out. If someone tells you that your house burned down just say "What Me Worry?" This sage statement is your gateway to being happy regardless of what happens in your insignificant life.  

If America's Felon-In-Charge, aka Trump, is getting on your nerves just remember to say, "What Me Worry?"  

No matter how outrageous Trump's lies are you won't lose your cool when you say the magic words. Your newly acquired superpower has no limits. Think about that for a moment.

There are more philosophies than fleas on a junkyard dog, so I won't bother listing them. Absurdism comes closest to Founder Neuman's philosophy by stressing humanity's failed efforts to find meaning in the universe. Founder Neuman took it to the next step - who gives a damn? - or "What Me Worry?"

I propose that Americans adopt this new philosophy right now during these perceived Days of Destruction of America's Democracy as presented by the orange dictator waddling around the Oval Office. There's always the chance that justice will be meted out to Trump and his minions. Meanwhile... don't worry about it.

As it Stands, I proudly pledge to practice this new philosophy-so help me Alfred E. Neuman.