Saturday, December 10, 2022

Animal Tales: Terrorist Iguana Causes Large Scale Outage, Pet Unicorn License Issued, Cow Visits Doctor's Office and More

Authorities in Florida recently reported a suspected domestic terrorist disguised as a Green Iguana who went by the name Louie, attacked a power substation causing a "large scale outage" for power customers.

Authorities had been searching for him ever since he was seen running from Mar-a-Lago with confidential files in his mouth earlier this month. 

Breaking New Ground

A handwritten letter from a young California girl to animal care and control officials has broken new ground when it comes to fantasy animals.

Authorities spent weeks investigating if unicorns were real without success. But they wanted kids everywhere to still believe there was a chance that unicorns really did so they gave the child a pre-approved license to keep a unicorn as a pet should she find one.

Unicorn dolls have been selling out in California since the news broke. 

Meanwhile

Cows have been escaping from tractor trailers a lot lately.

Just two weeks ago a great escape - about 30 cows - made a slow dash to freedom before being re-incarcerated by several cattle wranglers.

On Dec. 9th a rogue cow (who goes by Bonny the Bad Ass - photo above) jumped from the back of a trailer and headed straight for a doctor's office. 

The 650-pound bovine literally came through the front door and demanded to see the doctor.

If it wasn't for two cattle wranglers scaring the shit out of Bonny authorities said she might not have crashed through the front door and would have been content bellowing for a doctor from outside. 

Afterwards, the two men were given cognitive tests to see how stupid they were.

Meanwhile

Authorities at Dane County Regional airport in Madison, Wisconsin accidently put a dog a dog through an X-Ray Machine.

The dachshund-chihuahua mix had some harsh barks with its stupid owner who didn't follow the proper protocol for traveling with pets. 

Asked what the dog thought while being subjected to x-rays the sheepish owner said, "He probably thought about biting my ass!" she theorized. 

As it stands, I hope you enjoyed today's tall tales. I intend to bring Animal Tales back again when you least expect them!

Friday, December 9, 2022

Round 1: GOP SmackDown for House Speakership Coming Soon

Back in the 1950s professional wrestling introduced a cast of characters to the public that would evolve over the decades into the Republican Party.

I still remember my dear old grandmother watching wrestling every Friday night broadcast from the South-Side Armory in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Her favorite character was Gorgeous George (photo above) in what historians describe as the Golden Age of Wrestling.

George was flamboyant and charismatic beside being a blond hunk. He delighted audiences fighting such villains as The Sheik of Araby, and The Crusher. 

There's still a professional wrestling circuit (WWE) in 2022 with ring characters like Madcap Moss, Seth Freaking Rollins, the Ultimate Warrior, and Sheamus.

Since 2017, with the accension of Trump, the Republican Party has been providing the WWE with tough competition. The GOP has been working diligently to introduce ring worthy characters and currently there's a crowded stable of unstable candidates to feature.

In January wrestling fans across the country will be watching a Battle Royal as Republicans fight over which one will be the new House Speaker.

The competition is being billed as a SmackDown in Crazy Town.

The GOP cast of characters include:

Marjorie Fat Marge Greene, Kevin the Coward, The Bouncer formerly known as Andy Biggs, Steve the Snake Scalise, Grinning Gym Jordan, Mo the Bastard Brooks, Matt the Molester Gaetz, and Crazy Paul Gosar.  

Story line in January

Kevin the Coward McCarthy wants to be the Speaker of the House. But there's a problem. There's a growing anarchy among the restless minions of Trump who don't want him to get the position.   

In round one of the January match Kevin the Coward McCarthy is hoping to deliver a knockout blow to The Bouncer formerly known as Andy Biggs.

There's a real possibility that the match will go multiple rounds before electing their new leader. That hasn't happened in the House since 1923 according to historians.

As it stands, I apologize to wrestling purists for this comparison, but I couldn't find a better sport - other than boxing which is nowhere near the fun wrestling is!

Thursday, December 8, 2022

The Year Domestic Terrorists Openly Declared War on the Nation's Power Grids

Note: The Government Accountability Office says their recommendations from years ago still "have not been implemented yet leaving the power grid vulnerable." Over those years there's been more than 700 attacks. This year however is standing out as the domestic terrorists behind it get bolder.

The first indicator that America's Power companies were under siege came earlier this year in February.

The Department of Justice caught three men who ended up pleading guilty to providing material support for a plot to attack power grids in America. They were white supremacists who wanted to create economic distress and civil unrest.

A recent law enforcement memo warned that more attacks like the ones in recent power substations in North Carolina (affecting 45,000 homes at the peak) could happen in other parts of the county too.

Prior to that North Carolina was targeted on November 11th when sheriff's officers in Jones County reported that criminal vandalism had caused 12,000 homes to lose power for days. That investigation is still ongoing.

Earlier in the year power companies in Oregon and Washington reported physical attacks on substations using hand tools, arson, firearms, and metal chains. No suspects have been arrested yet.

The attacks by these domestic terrorists reportedly bypassed security by cutting fence links, lighting nearby fires, shooting equipment from a distance or throwing objects over the fence and onto equipment, according to federal authorities.

Let's be clear here. America is currently experiencing concentrated attacks by homegrown terrorists and the Justice Department is having a hell of a time trying to catch the perpetrators.

The suspects run from white supremacists to militia groups seeking to cause anarchy and bring down our democracy.

The "enemy within" should be a major priority for all law enforcement agencies in the country and federal authorities. But frankly I haven't seen that much about these terrorists in the mainstream press all year. Maybe an occasional story that faded away in a day.

More importantly I want to see states and the federal government get proactive and take a long hard look at our very vulnerable national power grids and do something about it.

What's the answer?

I suspect that Congress would get tied up in knots (like the GAO did years ago) trying to secure federal spending to fund the states security. The most we can expect is Congress may harden whatever security the federal government already provides.

I say let the states assume the cost for enhanced security (if necessary) for their own national (or private) power grids.

What? You say that's crazy! Maybe not. Think about it. What is one of the most important things in every state that people depend on?

That's right. Having electrical power in their homes, businesses and medical facilities. When it comes to state budgets what would be more important than this kind of protection? 

To achieve this, it calls for a thorough budget evaluation from state lawmakers who are interested in protecting their constituents. If some lawmakers resist, they'll be on the wrong side of the argument and get voted out of office.

As it stands, now that I have figured out an answer to this threat to the nation's power grid attacks it's up to federal lawmakers to catch the crazy bastards doing it!

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Right-Wing Lawmakers Are Making their Last Stand in the House of Representatives

There's no legislative agenda for the incoming Republican House majority in January.

Instead, the slim majority of Republicans are going to cling to alt-right conspiracies to gin up their rapidly dwindling base.

They'll never learn.

All Americans are not crazy. Yes, there's about a third of the nation that believes in violent fantasies and having an authoritarian government run by a twice-impeached former president as Leader for Life

The midterms showed that more Americans are becoming increasingly wary of the dangers the Trump wing of the Republican Party poses. 

However, reality seems to have very little impact on Republican leadership who are choosing to follow a losing strategy with a revenge tour in the House.

In the fevered minds of Trump's minions launching House investigations that will go nowhere is their pathetic attempt to rally the loons before the 2024 presidential election.

Meanwhile the solid Democratic majority Senate is set to pass bills and laws in the next two years without having to contend with Mitch McConnell who will be virtually powerless because he's going to be busy fighting off the disgruntled Trump acolytes like Cruz who have promised to make the next two years hell for old Mitch.

The Republicans in the House are also having problems among themselves before assuming the majority in January by squabbling over who their leader will be.

The spinless one known as Kevin McCarthy thought he was going to be the Speaker of the House, but the Clown Caucus (aka Freedom Caucus) had other ideas. They want one of their own like Andy Biggs to drive the Trump train in Congress.

It's like herding feral cats into a room and getting them all to agree to one leader. Impossible. McCarthy is finding that out the hard way.

 So, this motley crew of crazies are taking their Last Stand in the House where they have a slim majority of 221 to 213.

As it stands, none of the above surprises me because the very definition of stupidity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result each time.

Tuesday, December 6, 2022

Guilty! Trump Crime Family Organization Convicted on Multiple Counts of Criminal Fraud

Well, it's about time!

The Trump Crime Family is finally paying for past sins after a Manhattan jury found two Trump Organization companies guilty on multiple charges of criminal tax fraud and falsifying business records today.

The 15-year scheme to defraud tax authorities by failing to report and pay taxes on compensation for top executives was exposed in court.

The Trump Corp. and Trump Payroll Corp. were found guilty on all of the charges they faced.

Like a true mob boss, Trump's underlings took the fall for him. The Trump Organization Chief Financial Officer Allen Weisselberg was thrown under the bus as Trump claimed he knew nothing of the scheme.

To save his own ass Weisselberg pleaded guilty and agreed to testify against the company. For that testimony his sentence of 15 years was reduced to five months in jail.

There was another Trump executive, Jeffrey McConney who admitted his crimes in connection to the case and was granted immunity under New York law because he was called by prosecutors as a grand jury witness.

Thus far Donald Trump and his kids have eluded criminal charges in this case (or any other possible ones thus far), but there's another New York case (headed up by AG Alvin Bragg) where they might not be so lucky.

But don't hold your breath.

Don the Con still hasn't been charged by anyone yet despite the multiple cases against him. Most political observers believe that will change soon... maybe even this month.

As it stands, this was just the first step towards taking down the most corrupt president the country has ever seen.

Monday, December 5, 2022

Another Day in America: Running Dogs and Escaping Cows and Emus

Folks in Utah are talking about a 6-month-old female Merle cattle dog that shut down I-80 as first responders tried to catch the errant pooch. 

Thanks to the Utah Department of Transportation cameras captured a video of the exciting chase. 

According to the Salt Lake County Animal Services center the dog was not wearing a collar or microchipped. She's going to be held for five days before being put up for adoption.

You may be thinking..."Is this even a news story?" Well, in Utah it is. It used to be if a man bit a dog that was a news story. Not an errant pooch wandering around lost.

Moving on

The escape wasn't planned.

It was a spur of the moment opportunity that the bold bovines took when the cattle trailer they were in was involved in a crash.

The Arizonia Department of Transportation responded by sending out workers to corral 30 escapees. The truck had been carrying 109 cows before the crash.

The unorganized attempt for freedom ended fairly quickly as workers responded to the location at the Loop 101 freeway in Glendale.

As of this writing none of the escapees would tell authorities who their leader was. Everyone involved was unharmed.

Moving on

Another escape.

Two emus made a daring escape from their enclosure according to officials in an Ohio county who managed to catch them this week.

However, the story doesn't end here. 

There's a third emu that remains on the loose in the same general area. Officials recently said that an unrelated emu has been free since mid-November.

It's been a mystery since then. Highland County locals have been speculating that the Lone Emu (as he's now called) may have helped (or at least encouraged) the breakout of the other two emus lately.

As it stands, I'll be sure to let you know if they capture the Lone Emu who at this very moment may be looking for more of his people to set free!

Sunday, December 4, 2022

GOP's Assault on Hunter Biden is Going the Route of Benghazi - into History's Trash Can

Ever since the Republican Party donned their tin foil hats and went all in on the Benghazi conspiracy, they have been searching for a new boogeyman to replace Hillary Clinton.

After years of pursuing Hillary Clinton - including 12 hours of direct questioning by Jim Jordan's kangaroo court - they were unable to charge her with anything.

The disappointment was palpable among the conspiracy-loving conservatives who spent so much time spreading lies and misinformation only to not see their fever dream come true.

Their vile efforts to besmirch Clinton have been consigned to history's trash heap along with a litany of other conspiracies.

This was untenable for the crazies who still roamed in the halls of Congress. Then along came Hunter Biden, President Biden's son in time for the 2020 election.

With the help of Russian disinformation, the Trump team tried to pull off an October surprise by charging Hunter with tax fraud and worse weeks before the election.

Fortunately, most of the mainstream media didn't just jump on the bandwagon and took time to vet the outrageous charges Trump's minions were bringing without evidence.

Biden won. Trump lost. But of course, it didn't end there.

Hunter Biden is going to see an all-out assault against him by the GOP House in January as part of their much-advertised revenge tour. 

The first blow has already come from another alt-right corner as new Twitter owner Elon Musk promoted the leak of Hunter Biden documents.

Substack writer Matt Taibbi released portions of the leak in a rambling Twitter thread on Friday night. For the record, the info was a nothingburger

Fact: Hunter Biden has been under investigation by a House Committee for two years now with no conclusions drawn. But Gym Jordan has promised to launch a new one in January.

Let's see now. The same Jordan that led the fruitless Benghazi investigation is about to launch another two-year fiasco that will also end up in history's trash heap.

The thing that really amuses me is the GOP thinks the general public cares about a non-public person with tax and health problems. 

If they were interested in a president's offspring Trump's kids would have been investigated for their part in Daddy's government looting - and illegal foreign contacts - while president. 

The public does care about Trump's tax problems and many celebrated when his taxes were finally given to the House committee last week. It's taken years of obstruction to get to this point.

As it stands, the good news is the public is going to be sick of right-wingers pursuing vendettas and not coming up with any legislation that might benefit them. Can you say Blue Wave?

Saturday, December 3, 2022

Crazy Talk: The Latest Conversations from the Lunatic Fringe in Politics

Let's get this party started.

The leading conversation today among the lunatic fringe in politics involves the former TV host and twice-impeached president, Donald Trump. 

He wants to literally tear up the Constitution and overthrow the 2020 election results, citing false conspiracy theories about election fraud. The Big Lie grows bigger every day.

"A massive fraud of this type and magnitude allows for the termination of all rules, regulations, and articles, even those found in the Constitution," he ranted on his social media platform Truth Social.

Meanwhile

Mike Lindell is accusing the media of making him look like he's crazy because he's running for the RNC chair in a rant on his podcast.

Excuse me! He's already crazy without any help from the media.

Meanwhile

There's a juicy battle of insults going on today between Marjorie Taylor Green and White Nationalist Nick Fuentes. Fuentes is urging his callers to heckle Greene. He gave her the nickname Large Marge and took issue with her "divorce" and being a "MAGA mom."

The insults have been rolling all day from Fuentes basement where he accused her of being an "adulterer" and "weak" because she visited the Holocaust Museum.

You know Greene didn't take all of that sitting down. She called him a racist (oh, the irony!) and said he is a very immature young man saying hateful things about people.

"He knows nothing! she ranted on the Right-Wing Watch channel today. What's he ever done with his life? she sneered.

Meanwhile

A week ago, the right-wing candidate for Michigan governor Tudor Dixson (who lost in the midterms) invoked a conspiracy that the COVID-19 pandemic and protests in the summer of 2020 after the killing of George Floyd were part of a decades-long plan by the Democratic Party to topple the United States as retaliation for losing the Civil War, adding the party wanted to enslave people again.

And the merry game goes on.

As it stands, I'll say one thing for all of this crazy talk... it can be vastly entertaining! 

Friday, December 2, 2022

Holiday Greetings from Oregon's Unofficial Sage

Have you got the holiday spirit yet? 

As the unofficial (and self-appointed) sage of Oregon I hope good times are ahead for you this festive month.

Not a lot of things happen here in Oregon. We're kind of a bland state with no major theme park and a lot of rural area divided up between warring counties.

Our state motto is Alis Volat Propiis, which is Latin for "boring state!" No seriously, it means "She Flies With Her Own Wings." Whatever the hell that means.

A recent local holiday story

A buck with its antlers covered (photo top of page) in Christmas lights was spotted in city of Dallas (15 miles west of Salem) advertising Christmas.  Or at least that's what the locals thought at first but then some wit noted the bulbs were not flashing!

Putting one plus one together they soon discovered the buck had gotten accidentally tangled up in someone's yard display and was in distress... not drunkenly celebrating the holidays.

You gotta love Oregon. 

Did you know we're the only state that has a depiction of the state seal on one side of its flag and its motto on the other? A two-faced flag. 

Where were we? 

Oh yea! This is a holiday greeting post. Do you like to ski? The Ashland Ski resort opened early this year and Christmas parties have started in the resort's Lodge. The same is true for the dozen other ski resorts in the area.

Here's a list of the Top Ten Ski Resorts in Oregon according to Expedia this season.

Local lore says Santa stops by ski lodges occasionally throughout December. Or Bigfoot. It just depends on who you're talking with.

Oregon's rivers and forests are the stuff Holiday Greeting cards are made of, with snow covered landscapes and sleigh riding revelers dashing through the countryside.

You may wonder why I've become the state's unofficial Sage. The answer is simple. Like me. No one else wants to!

As it stands, full disclosure: I wasn't born in Oregon I've only been here for ten years. That doesn't stop me from opining about my adoptive state, however.

Wednesday, November 30, 2022

Right-Wing Makeover of Florida Assures the Dumbing Down of an Already Red State

Thanks to the once and current governor of Florida, Ron DeSantis, the state's- educational system is being further dumbed down in his second term.

Much to the alt-right's absolute delight, school superintendents in three counties were sacked because they defied DeSantis mandate against wearing masks last fall when COVID-19 and its variants were everywhere in the state.

What a sick way to punish educators trying to protect their students but that's only the tip of the iceberg. Thanks to DeSantis alt-right political activist appointments are polluting the state's educational system at an alarming rate.

A recent PEN America report shows that Florida has the second highest number of school-related book bans in the nation. In 21 school districts there were 566 book bans.

Fun Fact: GOP dominated Texas gets the dubious credit for having banned the most student books anywhere in the nation.

Here's a list of 411 books banned in Florida school libraries and classrooms.

The concerted effort to dumb down and indoctrinate students into being good young republicans has made vast strides under DeSantis' right-wing administration.

There's a generation of Floridians that will not know about large parts of American history because it makes whites (of the alt-right wing) uncomfortable.

Let's be honest.

Florida doesn't exactly have a stellar reputation for education. It's just not known for turning out geniuses. 

Florida Man memes have dominated the internet for decades - highlighting the crazy inhabitants who share the state with alligators and boa constrictors.

When it comes to phone scams Florida is in the forefront of perpetrators in the country.

But I digress.

My point is the last thing Florida needs is an assault on education resulting in even more stupid people. It's scary.

As it stands, I expect to lose some Floridian readers after they read this post... if they can! 

Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Trump Endorses Mike Lindell for Head of National Republican Party: What a Good Idea!

Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the craziest of them all?

That's right. The My Pillow guy Mike Lindell!

With that kind of a credential, he should be a shoo-in to lead the National Republican Party into darker conspiracies for the deplorable base who demand crazier things daily. 

Trump just endorsed him for the Republican National Committee leadership over Ronna McDaniel (a minion who somehow fell out of Trump's grace).

It's a match made in hell that will make the slim majority of Republicans in the House of Representatives more toxic. With Lindell calling shots on a national scale, it would be something right out of the old TV series The Twilight Zone.

But you know what? It just might be a good thing... for the democrats. 

Think about it. With Lindell leading republicans down the yellow shit road, it can only mean disaster for the cult's (they call themselves republicans, but we all know better) 2024 election prospects.

Americans showed they were weary of right-wing maggots' antics in the midterms. So, it's only reasonable that two more years of bat shit crazy republican antics (on steroids with My Pillow fascist Lindell) would only enhance sane Americans desire to vote for democrats in 2024.

Then there's the entertainment value.

What will Lindell do or say today? 

Where in the world is Lindell? (Hint, follow fascist rallies around the country)

Who will be called vile names and put on Lindell's daily shit list?

Witness the lengths Lindell reaches when attacking computers and machines in every other sentence. Machines are bad and they're a threat to humanity in the My Pillow creep's world.

Best of all, what a show it would be watching republican lawmakers trying to avoid a complete split from reality but too afraid to go against Trump's political puppet.

They would have to wear sneakers in the corridors of Congress to outrun and avoid reporters. Some of the older one's may have to get rocket-powered wheelchairs to stay ahead of the inquiring media.

Beginning to get the picture?

As it stands, if you happen to know some republicans (family, etc.) encourage then to support the My Pillow guy. He might even give them a discount on their pillow purchases!

Trump's Lowest Grift Ever Saved for Holy Week

This is a story about how the devil's puppet, aka Donald Trump, mocked Christianity by selling a book combining the Bible, the Constitu...