I don't think bottled air is going to solve China's pollution problem, but it is making one Canadian a lot of money!

Good Day World!

Back in the day when I was selling newspaper advertising competition was fierce. 

And this was before the Internet. You can only imagine how much harder it is nowadays.

I remember saying during sales meetings that a great salesman should be able to sell anything. Like selling snow to an Eskimo for example.

Years later, I noticed that when I stopped to put air in my tire it was no longer a free service. I had to drop a quarter into a little machine that gave me a minute (or two, I don't remember exactly) of air. 

Back to the present.

I just finished reading an article about how bad the air pollution is in China. It promtly brought to mind this story about how a Canadian man is selling fresh air in cannisters to the Chinese.

Now that's a great salesman.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

21st Century Christmas Icon: Zombie Claus!

                 Good Day World!

Have you been good little boys and girls this year?

You better have, because otherwise you're going to get a visit from Zombie Claus!

Yes, Zombie Claus. You know why?

Because zombies are so damn popular in our society today. Like these video games: Star Wars Zombies, Santa's Zombie Elves, and Zombie Christmas Story to give a few quick examples.

Take a listen to this hip song produced for charity last year:
Does Santa Claus Visit Zombie-Kids?

If you're interested in getting into the spirit of things here's a video on how to turn yourself into Zombie Claus. Be the life center of the party when you arrive to give out scary gifts to bad little boys and girls!

All in fun, okay? 

If you're a Christmas traditionalist, don't let this post bother you. I'm not advocating anything. Simply observing how popular zombies are in our culture now.

Even during the holidays.

Time for me to walk on down the road... 

Don't Worry, CHRISTMAS wins 'the War on Christmas' Every Year!

Good Day World!

Do you know where the expression "...the War on Christmas" comes from?

The answer is not the Republican Party.

The expression "the War on Christmas" has been used in the media to denote Christmas-related controversies.

We can thank conservative commentators such as Peter Brimelow and Bill O'Reilly for inserting their paranoia into the holiday since 1996.

Brimelow and O'Reilly claimed any specific mention of the term "Christmas" or its religious aspects was being increasingly censored, avoided, or discouraged by a number of advertisers, retailers, government (prominently schools), and other public and secular organizations.

Jeff Schweitzer, a commentator for The Huffington Post, addressed the position of commentators such as O'Reilly, stating that: 

"There is no war on Christmas; the idea is absurd at every level. Those who object to being forced to celebrate an other's religion are drowning in Christmas in a sea of Christianity dominating all aspects of social life. An 80 percent majority can claim victim hood only with an extraordinary flight from reality."

So, now you know where the term came from. And, why it gets recycled every year on Fox News.

As if we weren't already polarized enough in this country, this stupid meme/controversy rolls around annually, like the Grinch trying to spoil Christmas.

But it isn't going to happen! Christmas wins every year.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Why Stop at Just Ugly Sweater Parties?

Good Day World!

I saw my son, and his girlfriend, on Facebook modeling ugly sweaters at an "Ugly Sweater" party, and it got me to thinking (always a dangerous proposition).

Why stop there?

Why not have Ugly Pants Parties? 

My example here is just a suggestion. Imagine what you could come up with?

We really should have Ugly Hat Parties.

And Ugly Socks parties.

There's already Ugly People parties - I go to at least one every December.

Now we're warming up for the holidays...

How about Elf parties? Cosplayers ought to really get into the spirit of things there.

I'm saving the best for last...

How about an Ugly Politician Party? That way none of them will be left out, because they're all ugly...in one way, or another.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

In the spirit of the season I've got some gifts for politicians

                                                         Good Day World!

Despite the fact that politicians are my least favorite people in the whole world, it is Christmas time, so I'm passing out the following presents:

To Donald Trump: A realistic hair piece.

To Ted Cruz: A copy of  the book, 12 Rules for Mixing Religion and Politics by Peter Montgomery.

 To Marco Rubio: I bronzed his most recent Lobby Award Plaque from GEO GROUP, the nation's second-largest for-profit prison company.

To Bernie Sanders: An appointment to get a buzz haircut at a prestigious beauty college.

To Hillary Clinton: A one-year free membership with Radical Honesty, a group who teaches how to actually live an authentic life.

To Martin O'Malley: Oh boy is this awkward ...I didn't get a gift for you because (like the rest of the country) I never heard of you before you filed for president this year!

To President Obama: A special appointment for same day ear-reduction surgery at The Mayo Clinic.

Time for me to walk on down the road...

Oh boy! 2016 is Going to be The Year of the Gun!

Good Day World!

Before I even start, let’s get one thing straight; the following is satire. For those of you with no sense of humor that means I’m just joking…with an edge to my message.

2016: THE YEAR OF THE GUN

What a difference a year makes.
Up until last year, only 89 out of 100 Americans had guns. The NRA’s latest victory - arming the remaining 11% who didn’t have guns – signals a new time of peace and posterity.

BUSINESS IS UP

* One of the hottest selling products of the new year is a framed photo of Wayne LaPierre wearing a Remington (they branched out to a clothing line) thong while sipping a beer on Prado Beach.

* Interior designers report that the new “in-look” is “Assault Rifle and Ammo Montage” wallpaper. They praise the versatility of the design, suggesting it looks good throughout the house.

* Hood ornaments are back! The hands-down leader is a silver Assault Rifle mounted on a NRA logo. They are popping up on all makes, not just pickup trucks.

POPULAR REALITY SHOWS

* For pure action “Count to 10 – Then Run!” is hard to beat. Premise: Contestants randomly select a person and give them 10 seconds to run for their lives before hunting them down with fully automatic assault rifles.

* Viewers are warned not to copy the contestants (who are crazy) in “Hot Grenade,”  a lethal version of the children’s game of “Hot Potatoes.”

* For heart-stopping drama, “The Mankill Family,” has no equal. Literally. More heart shot kills are made than any other reality shows on TV. You don’t want to live in their neighborhood!

TRENDING

* Marriages at Gun Ranges. Instead of dancing after the oath-giving ceremony, guests will fire at targets of Liberals with complimentary rifles.

* All time high for accidental gun shot wounds/deaths in every hospital of the country.

* Ted Nugent appointed Secretary of Defense in November after Donald Trump becomes president!

Time for me to walk on down the road…

England has no intention of returning stolen loot

Good Day World!

The British were once fond of bragging that the sun never set on their empire.

During those halcyon times the British looted the countries they conquered as a matter of course. 

Tut! Tut! And all that.

What I really find amusing is that the Brits have no intention of returning any of those stolen goods to the countries they defeated.

Here’s a good example:

A Pakistani attorney recently said he filed a court petition seeking the return of the famed Koh-i-Noor diamond Britain forced India to hand over in colonial times.

Once the largest known diamond in the world, the 105-carat diamond, also called the Mountain of Light, is one of the Crown Jewels. It is set in a crown last worn by the late mother of Queen Elizabeth II during her coronation.

The British response to Attorney Jawaid Iqbal Jafree request is the same one that’s been given 786 times before; Silence. Not a word.

During a visit to India in 2010, British Prime Minister David Cameron said in an interview on Indian television that the diamond would stay in London.

"What tends to happen with these questions is that if you say yes to one, then you would suddenly find the British Museum empty," he said.

So there you have it. England would have to return everything in the British Museum if they set the dangerous precedent of righting so many wrongs.

Cheerio then…carry on!


Time for me to walk on down the road… 

Okay class! We’re going to talk about sweet potatoes today

Good Day World!

Welcome to Mr. Dave’s neighborhood!

Today, I’m going to share some interesting things about sweet potatoes.

Hold on! At first blush this may sound like a boring subject, but stick with me here.

* Did you know that North Carolina produces more sweet potatoes than any other state?

* Did you know that hardened sweet potatoes makes a material as strong as concrete?

Still not impressed?

Okay. I bet you didn’t know that sweet potatoes can burn for weeks on end like coal.

Who knows what possibilities lie there? Just one problem; putting out the smoldering sweet potatoes is not an exact science.

You know, how I know that?

A silo full of dehydrated sweet potatoes has been smoldering in a town an hour east of Raleigh since Thanksgiving. True story.

Firefighters and other town personnel have been at the scene around the clock since a suspected spark started the blaze. At least 25 million gallons of water has been sprayed, but it's not clear when it might be extinguished.

No one is sure when the sweet potatoes will stop burning. Kinda reminds me of Chernobyl, but not as toxic.

Class dismissed.

Time for me to walk on down the road…

Can You Guess Who I am?

 Good Day World!

Guess who I am.

Like the Joker from the Dark Knight, I just want to see the world burn.

I am white, and really, really angry.

I am also afraid.

I believe the only religion in the USA that can be trusted is Christianity.

I agree that ALL Muslims should be banned from entering our country.

I think the idea of a massive wall separating Mexico and the US is doable and will solve most of our illegal immigration problems.

I believe thousands of Muslims in New jersey celebrated on 9/11.

I believe we once banned Islam in this country in 1952.

I still believe President Obama is a Muslim and was born in Kenya.

I believe in smaller government and that people should be able to carry assault weapons anywhere they want. 

I believe that President Obama is trying to take our guns away.

I believe that anyone who disagrees with me is unpatriotic and doesn't want to see America become great again.

I believe that we shouldn't tax corporations because it's not necessary as the trickle-down-effect benefits the middle class and poor.

NOW THE GIVEAWAY

I believe that Donald Trump would make a great president because he is point on.

Time for me to walk on down the road... 

What was the scariest moment of your life?

Good Day World!

With fear floating around this country like a dark cloud, I thought it might be interesting to explore the scariest moment of my life!

We all have different fears, although some are more universal than others. Sharks, maniacs, natural disasters, the Boogey Man, fire, and terrorists come to mind.

Before I share my moment of terror, I would like to add that it doesn’t matter what your age was – if something scared the Shinola off your shoes then it qualifies.

I’m 65 years-old.

In the turbulent decades of my life I’ve experienced war in Vietnam and Cambodia, had numerous ear surgeries, back surgery, was diagnosed with PTSD, was beat up by hired VA cops while in a PTSD program, and grew up fighting in the barrios of La Puente and El Monte.

The scariest moment of my life was…

When I was five-years old we had a big red tabby called Tiger. Tiger thought it was his duty to fight any other animal he encountered. He roamed the neighborhood terrorizing other cats and small dogs. (Chickens once too, but that’s another story)

One day Tiger got into a knockdown all-out brawl with another cat under our house.

Pause here; my mother loved Tiger and nothing was too good for him.

On the day Tiger decided to fight another cat under our house, my mother ran outside in response to the ear-shattering squalls. Quickly deducing the situation, she ordered me to go through the crawl hole and to “get poor Tiger out!”

Have you ever heard two cats screaming at each other in unholy anger?

As I crawled around blindly (with no flashlight) there was an eerie pause…silence. For a brief moment I thought God heard my prayers and Tiger left on his own – but then their shrieks suddenly started up next to me and I saw two sets of blazing cat eyes glaring at me!

That’s all it took. I peed my pants and screamed! Seemed like for minutes, but was probably only a few seconds. In that time the cats broke off the battle and both streaked out the crawl space and into the sunlight.

I always hated Tiger.

So, what was your moment of terror? What still get’s your adrenaline going when you think about it?

Time for me to walk on down the road…