From Russia With Love: Dear Comrade Trump...We're Waiting

Good Day World!

I have a message for our first illegitimate president from the Russian Ambassador to the United States, Sergey Kislyak:

"Dear comrade Trump,

WTF! We're waiting!

I can tell you Daddy Putin is very angry at his Donny. No sanctions have been lifted yet. No one's even talking about it.
This was not the agreement as you well know, you capitalistic dog!

Listen closely. I know you have trouble focusing at any one thing for very long, but this is important. 

Putin loves his Donny. He doesn't want to have to share those films that depict you getting pissed on by a group of Russian prostitutes. Remember the Miss Universe Pageant in Moscow?

Yea, that's the one. Boy did you party hearty!

So here's the thing my orange-skinned comrade; send our boy - and yours - Rex Tillerson over here on a diplomatic mission.

When he comes back his findings will be positive and he'll recommend lifting sanctions. Next, you have to bully Congress into being more friendly towards Daddy Putin.

By the way...remember when our spy ship sat off the United States' eastern seaboard minding its own business in international waters?

When the capitalistic dog press asked you about it you said, "Bad. Bad. Bad." Don't suddenly try to get tough with us potato face. That wouldn't be wise.

You may think that all we have are those films of you getting pissed on by paid bimbos. You'd be wrong. There's more. Lots more.

We look forward to conducting many business deals in the future with you Mr. Trump.

From Russia with love..." - Sergey Kislyak

Time for me to walk on down the road...