Good Day World!
Despite the fact that politicians are my least favorite people in the whole world, it is Christmas time, so I'm passing out the following presents:
To Donald Trump: A realistic hair piece.
To Ted Cruz: A copy of the book, 12 Rules for Mixing Religion and Politics by Peter Montgomery.
To Marco Rubio: I bronzed his most recent Lobby Award Plaque from GEO GROUP, the nation's second-largest for-profit prison company.
To Bernie Sanders: An appointment to get a buzz haircut at a prestigious beauty college.
To Hillary Clinton: A one-year free membership with Radical Honesty, a group who teaches how to actually live an authentic life.
To Martin O'Malley: Oh boy is this awkward ...I didn't get a gift for you because (like the rest of the country) I never heard of you before you filed for president this year!
To President Obama: A special appointment for same day ear-reduction surgery at The Mayo Clinic.
Time for me to walk on down the road...